The 7 Choices That Actually Make A Difference When Raising ADHD Kids, According To A Specialist
Support and wisdom make their path a little easier to navigate.
Anna Om | Shutterstock According to the Centers for Disease Control, 7 million U.S. children aged 3–17 have been diagnosed with ADHD. When you're raising one of these unique, wonderful children, it can be hard to know exactly what will help when they're struggling. Do old-school standards apply or do you need a new set of rules? From what I've seen in my practice, a unique combination of both works best.
Recently, a parent wrote to me regarding her son, who has ADHD, depression, and anxiety and was being bullied at school. She was concerned he had trouble managing social situations, and was worried about his self-esteem. Given all he has struggled with, he can be hard on himself, and rejection is painful to him. The mother wanted to know how to help him manage bullying and succeed more socially.
Here are the 7 parenting interventions that matter most for ADHD kids, according to a specialist
1. Parents can listen attentively and take their feelings seriously
From navigating educational, medical and mental health systems to managing meltdowns, to providing sensitivity and support — parenting a child with ADHD who has unique emotional and behavioral needs is no small feat.
Dealing with bullying can be so discouraging on top of living with neurodivergence. Now that your child is entering their teen years, building resilience, fostering self-confidence, and giving them tools to handle bullying will be essential. So let’s dive into some strategies to help them survive these challenges, and to thrive.
2. Parents can add ADHD-friendly activities to their schedule
Monkey Business Images via Shutterstock
Encouraging interest and participation in a wider range of activities that are more ADHD-friendly can be an important factor in building resilience and increasing self-esteem. It might feel counterintuitive when all the other kids are signing up for football or soccer, but what other hobbies, activities, or sports are available in your town or community?
Participating in what I call “individualized team sports” such as swimming, tennis or track can show kids with ADHD they are part of a greater whole but still get the satisfaction of performing tasks on their own.
Exploring and engaging in new hobbies in a variety of formats shows your child how participating in a group activity doesn't have to come at the expense of their self-esteem, and they can feel successful too. As they develop new skills, they’ll feel prouder of themselves.
This boost will strengthen their ability to deal with bullying too. They will also find a common ground to connect with like-minded peers who can be potential allies.
3. Parents can actively teach resilience
Resilience means being able to bounce back from difficult situations or interactions because you have confidence in yourself and your abilities. You believe you have what it takes to navigate challenges.
To foster resilience, continue to highlight his strengths and notice the things they do well–big or small. When they cooperate with chores around the house or keep trying with a tough task, celebrate those moments with acknowledgment and validation. Nurture possible friendships by arranging low-pressure social activities like family get-togethers or game nights.
4. Parents can help kids focus on supportive friendships
Research shows having just a few good friends can significantly boost self-esteem, especially in the face of bullying. One study published in the Journal of Child Psychology & Psychiatry & Allied Disciplines found kids with strong social support have better mental health outcomes, even when facing peer-related challenges.
Most kids need at least three friends: one they can hang out with on some days, another to see when the first one is busy, and a third to call when the first two aren’t available. By knowing they have a few friends to lean on, they will be able to better manage delicate social situations and rebound more easily with peer difficulties.
5. Parents can respond to and intervene in the bullying
fast-stock via Shutterstock
Certain bullying situations call for parental responses. Does the school know what is happening? If not, please inform them. If yes, what are they doing about it?
If your child is being bullied verbally, excluded, or is at risk of physical harm, the school needs to get involved and intervene. They are supposed to be the students' ally and protect their safety too. Your child needs an action plan for what to do when other kids are mean or when things get physical.
6. Parents can help practice phrases to shut down hurtful behavior
It also makes sense for you to work with them to craft a few handy responses to use in those tough moments. How can they respond when someone calls them “stupid” or says something unkind?
Together, create two phrases that could be “secret weapons” in these situations. In addition to ignoring taunting, perhaps they can say something like, “It’s OK if we don’t agree on this” or “Everybody can have their own opinion.”
Practice these at home in role-plays so you can see what the kids are saying and your child can build confidence. According to research from Educational Psychology Review, role-playing has been shown to significantly improve children’s responses to bullying situations.
7. Parents can empower kids to be allies for others
Who do they know who might be his ally? Most bullying happens when somebody is alone and bystanders empower the aggressor. Talk with your child about the power of being an “upstander”, as explained in Attitude Magazine.
If they see someone else being picked on, what could they do to stand up for the person? Supporting another child will improve their confidence, and will make them feel more empowered when they face difficult social situations themselves.
In sharing my reply to a concerned parent, I hope others can connect with her struggle and find the advice helpful to their teenager and their experience. It is no easy feat parenting a teen with ADHD, or neurodivergence, who experiences challenges socially, but with some support and a bit of wisdom, your path can be a little easier to navigate.
Sharon Saline, Psy.D., is an international lecturer and workshop facilitator. She has focused her work on ADHD, anxiety, learning differences, and mental health challenges and their impact on the school and family dynamics for more than 30 years.