7 Subtle Signs Of A Child Who Is Introverted, According To Research
Why your child always wants to play by themself.
SDI Productions | Canva By Katharine Stahl
Every child is born with their own unique personality traits, and as parents, we have the best job of watching them grow, develop, and, well, say some of the weirdest and funniest things imaginable. But different personalities require different types of nurturing, and if you have an introvert on your hands, navigating that path can be a bit more complicated.
In a world where extroverts outnumber introverts almost three to one, it can be a challenge to parent a child who doesn't thrive on social interaction and engagement.
We often mistake shyness with truly being an introvert and think it's our job as parents to "fix" that shyness, but the two are not the same. While the shy child may need help coming out of their shell, the true introvert won't thrive on being drawn out and will instead struggle more with the added pressure and socialization.
Introverts recharge by being alone, unlike their extroverted peers, who gain energy from being around others. Shy children and introverts both might avoid social situations, but the introvert does so by choice, while the shy child makes the decision out of fear.
Wondering if your child is an introvert? First of all, don't be alarmed. The trait comes with some awesome strengths. However, it also requires some specific parenting strategies. Here are seven things to look for if you're trying to determine if your child is an introvert.
Here are 7 subtle signs of a child who Iis introverted
1. They avoid eye contact and interacting with others, especially new people
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Because meeting new people can be draining to an introvert, they might avoid engaging at all. Know that the behavior doesn't come from a place of rudeness, but instead, your introverted child is just trying to protect themselves from the intimidation and embarrassment they often feel when meeting strangers or interacting with people they don't know well.
2. They throw tantrums or are generally upset after a busy day
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A day spent running errands, at a party, or at school can feel extremely draining to an introverted child, and they might act out because of it. If you know you're going to have an extended period of time that involves a lot of social interaction, be sure to schedule some quiet, alone time for your child before and afterward.
An article published by the Child Mind Institute explained that your child will sometimes have more tantrums when it's been a busy day or your house has lights and sounds everywhere. This is because overstimulation can lead your child to feel a sense of too muchness in their body — all the lights, sounds, and activity feel like too much!
3. You find them talking to themselves or their favorite toys more than other children
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Introverts tend to be quieter than their extroverted peers, preferring to process the world internally. Don't be surprised if you often find your child having a conversation with themselves or a favorite stuffed animal. Having private time to unpack their feelings and experiences is necessary for them.
4. They prefer playing alone than with other children
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Enjoying solo play is a hallmark of the introverted child, who would rather use their imagination and play alone than interact with other children, especially in large groups or when those children aren't well-known to them.
An introverted child preferring to play alone is likely due to their natural tendency to gain energy from solitary activities, where they can focus on their thoughts and imagination, experiencing overstimulation when surrounded by large groups of people, a typical characteristic of introversion. An article by the University of Minnesota found that while some may worry about a child who prefers solitary play, it's essential to understand that it is a natural part of an introverted personality and can benefit their development.
5. They stick to a few trusted friends
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Introverts need friends, too; they just prefer to stick to a few close confidants rather than collecting a gaggle of buddies. Helping them form deep bonds with those friends they trust and enjoy spending time with is important as a parent.
6. They're reluctant to try new things
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Because new experiences usually involve interacting with new people and places, introverted children may not be keen on saying yes to any new undertaking, instead preferring to stick to situations they know and feel more comfortable with.
When introverted children try new things, they often experience a heightened sense of anxiety and overstimulation due to their natural preference for quiet, familiar environments. According to a 2020 study, this leads them to approach new experiences cautiously, observing before fully participating, and potentially needing time to process information and adjust to the change before fully engaging. It's a natural personality trait; introverted children can thrive with appropriate support and understanding.
7. They have trouble expressing their emotions
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Introverts are hardwired to process their emotions internally, so talking about them with anyone else — even a parent — can be difficult. Don't push the matter, but instead give your child time to think, process, and come to you when they're ready, while still letting them know that you're always there to provide any love and support they need.
Katharine Stahl is a freelance writer and journalist. She has been featured in the Sydney Morning Herald, Yahoo, The Age, SheKnows, The Canberra Times, and more.