Husband Admits He Thinks His Wife Would Prefer To Be A Single Mom — ‘It Seems So Easy To Cut Me Out’
He wants his wife to include him more when it comes to decisions involving their son.
TetianaKtv | Shutterstock A husband recently opened up about the issues he's been having in his marriage, especially when it comes to how his wife chooses to include him in situations involving their 3-year-old son.
Posting to the subreddit r/AITAH, the 30-year-old man claimed that his wife's attitude when it comes to parenting has continued to drive a wedge in their relationship, and he's questioning if it's a sign to move on.
A husband thinks his wife would prefer to be a single mom.
"My wife and I have had some issues in our marriage and I've reached the point of feeling like enough is enough," he began in his Reddit post. "We've been married for 7 years. When my wife learned she was pregnant she decided to wait to tell me so she could surprise me."
"By the time she told me she had told her friends and family. Her family took me finding out after everyone else as her being afraid to tell me and called me on it. She did not defend me. But claims she did when I was out of the room."
Later on in her pregnancy, the two of them talked about baby names, but suddenly, his wife mentioned that she had changed her mind about the original name they had both agreed upon because her sister didn't like it. When he argued that she initially told him that she didn't want to discuss names without anyone who wasn't him, she rebutted that her sister's opinion mattered but promised that it didn't matter more than his.
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Despite her proclamation that his opinion mattered, she tried to push the name that her sister loved onto him, even though she knew that he didn't like it as much as the original name, and this left him feeling less important once more. He acknowledged that his wife was the one carrying their son and was going through all these physical and mental changes, but at the end of the day, he also wanted a say in their son's identity. Of course, his feelings were only made worse following the debacle of her telling her entire family before him, and the name change was the icing on the cake.
A year after their son was born, the toddler was hospitalized, making things worse between him and his wife.
"When our son was 18 months old he was taken to hospital. My wife was home with him and I was working from the office that day," he continued. She had called her parents before calling him, and by the time he made it down to the hospital, they were angry with him for not being there sooner despite not having received a call until much later.
Their criticism didn't stop there. They accused him of not being an involved parent. This latest incident just made him angry instead of sad.
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He confronted his wife about it, telling her that it was unfair that she called around eight people before calling him when it was his son who was in the hospital. As a parent, he has a right to know something like that first.
Unfortunately, their disagreement about their son only escalated after he found out that his wife had signed him up for football despite them both agreeing that they wouldn't until he was older. They both had been on the same page about the dangers of playing the sport, but she seemingly suddenly changed her mind.
"She did this without saying anything because her parents believe it's important that boys play football. This brought the hospital incident back more than anything and I told her it feels like she'd prefer being a single mom since it seems so easy to cut me out or dismiss my opinion," he added.
She accused him of being 'unfair' about the way he was feeling.
Instead of sympathizing with him or seeing things from his side, she claimed that it just sounded like he wanted to divorce her. He didn't deny that fact, and she argued that he couldn't ruin their family over "small disagreements."
However, his grievances are anything but a "small disagreement," considering that he's an active father in his son's life and is simply pleading with his wife to include him in these decisions that she's made for their child.
What this mom seems to be neglecting in cutting her husband out of his desire to parent is how it could inevitably impact their son. Statistics show that children with engaged and active fathers do better in school, have better physical and emotional health, are better socially acclimated, and are twice as likely to go to college and be financially stable.
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It would be one thing if he was physically present but emotionally absent and was actually not very involved. It wouldn't be an unusual occurrence since many married women often feel like single mothers, but that's not the case here.
He's trying his best but keeps getting met with roadblocks because either his wife doesn't think he needs to know these things, or she just isn't thinking about including him.
The problem seems to be about their communication, and it doesn't necessarily mean that she wants to be a single mom or would find more fulfillment in being one, but the dynamic between them seems to have shifted and it's possible to be on the same page once more. Whether that means counseling or having a series of honest and vulnerable conversations.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.