Husband Issues A Rule To His Wife That Her Dad Is Not Allowed To Meet His Grandkids — And She Agrees To It
Sometimes, it’s necessary to enforce boundaries.
Karolina Grabowska / Pexels Not everyone has the luxury of being born into a family that will love, cherish, and value them. Sometimes, once an individual is old enough to escape the toxic environment of their home, they’ll start a new life and never look back.
This was the case for one woman who couldn’t take the abuse anymore, and she found herself a family of her own, marrying a loving and gracious man, who she had three children with.
She found peace; until her father decided to reach out and make amends.
The woman took to Reddit to explain her husband’s unmoving stance on refusing to let her father meet their kids.
In her post, the 39-year-old woman offered context to the situation. She went into the details of her hostile upbringing, as the eldest daughter of a struggling family.
“They just didn't love me. I was basically my mother's maid, and she was emotionally and mentally abusive, but only towards me and not my siblings,” the woman explained. “My dad blamed me for ‘ruining’ his life.”
She ran away at 20 and met her husband in her late 20s.
After years of no contact with her family, the woman’s dad reached out to her through Facebook, apologizing and claiming he found God.
With skepticism, she opened up to her husband about it, who was not fully trusting of the man’s intentions, but supported her decision in reconnecting with him if that’s what she wanted. His only condition was that he did not want the man to ever meet their children, which she agreed to and accepted.
The woman slowly eased into rekindling a relationship with her father, exchanging emails and video calls until she felt comfortable meeting with him in person.
“I thought things were going great, but whenever there was any mention of my dad meeting our kids, I shut it down, saying I would disrespect my husband's wishes,” the woman shared. “He usually understood and backed off.”
Her father began demanding to meet the kids.
The woman explained how during a recent meeting at a coffee shop, her father was becoming impatient and argumentative over the matter.
Photo: Eleganza / Canva Pro
“My dad started ranting about how I hadn't truly forgiven him since I wouldn't let him into my life, meaning my kids,” she said.
She continued to justify how she wanted to respect her husband’s wishes, but he resorted to insulting her faith, accusing her of forgiving him “with strings attached.” Appalled by his disrespect, the woman left the coffee shop, refusing to let him manipulate and bully her into giving him his way.
Despite his claimed newfound connection to God, his judgment and inconsiderate behavior did not seem to align with the integrity of these beliefs. Rather, he was using his so-called revelations to manipulate her into believing he had evolved; when really, his toxic behavior said otherwise.
Following the incident, the woman has been bombarded with insulting messages from her family. Her dad, and even her siblings, have belittled her, leading her to question if she is wrong.
The woman and her husband have every right to set boundaries.
After finally building a safe space away from her toxic family, and even going as far as to forgive and consider a reconnection with her father, they have found a way to reenter and torture the poor woman once again.
It is because of invasive and manipulative patterns demonstrated by her family that she should enforce boundaries.
Reddit users commented on her post emphasizing how her father had no place to make such demands, and his behavior is all the more reason why she should stand her ground.
“Your dad says he has changed, but his true feelings are coming out,” one person commented. “He is also showing you why you need those boundaries to protect you, your husband, and your family. Stay strong, keep your father at arm's length or further away. If [he] or your siblings don't stop, drop them again. You are doing better without them.”
Other individuals found disdain in her father’s manipulation through his apparent faith.
“He wants to see the kids. So he uses Christian words to call you a bad Christian person,” one Reddit user stated. “Using God's word in such a manner is the same as misrepresenting Him.”
“Your father's ‘God’ is a dark, sinister antichrist; a reflection of your father,” another person expressed. “Once his ‘finding God’ ruse failed to gain him what he wanted, he returned to being ‘dear old dad.’ Do not allow your father to force his way into your family or to browbeat you into breaking the agreement you and your husband have decided upon.”
In fact, while the spectrum of religious-based faith varies, a true connection to God is based on integrity, humility, and love — values this woman’s father didn't exhibit.
Her family’s behavior only further justifies her desire to eliminate contact.
It’s certainly not very effective to bully your daughter into letting you meet her kids, and this will only push her away further. The father’s distasteful response to his daughter’s boundaries will likely cause her to cut him off for good, and not only will he never have the chance to meet his grandkids, but he’ll lose his eldest daughter as well.
Perhaps if the father was willing to be patient and respectful to her wishes, she and her husband would reconsider allowing him to meet their children once they witnessed a true change in character.
Unfortunately, the woman’s experience is not uncommon, and it is because of such malicious acts that so many people continue to have no contact with their toxic family members.
The woman is fortunate to have found a strong man to stand by her side, and she should focus on protecting and nurturing her family.
Francesca Duarte is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team based in Orlando, FL. She covers lifestyle, human-interest, adventure, and spirituality topics.