7 Tiny Habits That Make Your Kids Respect You More, According To Oprah's Favorite Parenting Expert
How to inspire respect from your kids, rather than force it on them.
Maria Surtu via Shutterstock | Lana Veter via Canva Creative We all want our kids to respect us. But for some parents, it isn't easy to know where to start. This is especially true if there isn't a solid foundation of respect or connection to begin with.
We asked award-winning author and psychologist Dr. Shefali to share some easy-to-start habits parents can (and should) adopt to get their kids to respect them more.
"Respect from your children is earned through consistent actions and behaviors that demonstrate love, integrity, and accountability," Dr. Shefali explained. "Small daily habits can significantly impact how your child views and respects you."
7 Tiny Habits That Will Make Your Kids Respect You More Than the Majority of Other Parents
1. Slow down and make a point to listen
It's easy to overlook the simple things in life as parents. After all, we're so concerned about teaching value and life lessons to our children that sometimes we forget to simply listen to them. Or we believe we are listening, but in truth, we are distracted or interrupting our kids when they try to open up.
As Dr. Shefali says, "When you listen attentively to your child, you show them that their thoughts and feelings matter. This builds trust and respect."
2. Set and enforce rules consistently
When you're raising children, you need to be consistent with them. For instance, you can't just say electronics are off at six o'clock today and then switch it to midnight tomorrow. You should also be as consistent with your promises as you are with your rules.
So, as much as possible, show up when you say you will and follow through on your commitments. That models for kids to honor their own commitments while helping them respect your word.
"Being consistent with your rules and actions helps children understand expectations and feel secure, fostering respect," Dr. Shefali explains.
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3. Admit your mistakes
As parents, you might have a hard time admitting to your mistakes. Let's face it: to admit to your mistakes means to express vulnerability. And expressing vulnerability is utterly terrifying. Many people who are parents today never saw their own parents admit mistakes or apologize, so it feels awkward.
However, your children must see the human in you. And they must understand that nobody, not even their parents is perfect. In addition, you model for them that it's safe and OK in your home to be honest and open.
"Owning up to your mistakes teaches children that everyone is fallible and that accountability is important. This earns their respect," says Dr. Shefali.
4. Spend quality time with your kids
Listen, life can get hectic. However, it's important to understand that if you want to create an environment built on respect, you must create a foundation of connection first.
"Regularly engaging in activities that your child enjoys shows that you value your time with them, which in turn builds respect," says Dr. Shefali.
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5. Modeling behavior
Effective parents lead by example.
Ask yourself, "Am I kindly speaking to my children? Am I respecting their autonomy and giving them their space?" If the answers are no, then it's time to revamp your behavior.
Dr. Shefali explains, "Children learn by observing. Demonstrating the behavior you wish to see in them, such as kindness and honesty, teaches them these values."
6. Set and maintain boundaries
When we're lax about setting boundaries with our kids it can unintentionally lead them to believe they can get away with disrespectful behavior.
Dr. Shefali points out, "Establishing and maintaining clear boundaries provides structure and teaches children to respect limits."
A lack of clear limits leaves room for disrespectful behavior as your child struggles to understand what is and is not acceptable behavior with you and with others. Inconsistency can also undermine a child's sense of security, so be sure your boundaries are firm but compassionate.
7. Show appreciation to your kids
Finally, ask yourself, "When is the last time I've shown appreciation to my child?" You may find it's been a while, and you may wonder why it's even important. According to Dr. Shefali, it definitely is.
"Expressing gratitude and appreciation for your child’s efforts reinforces their self-worth and promotes mutual respect," she says.
So, the next time your child does the dishes or picks up their toys, throw in a thank you and a hug. Small actions such as these can go a long way.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, and family topics.