7-Year-Old Girl Tells Her Grandparents She Likes Her Other Grandparents More & Her Mom Doesn't Reprimand Her
Favoritism can drive families apart.
Pormezz | Shutterstock Kids can always sense a lack of connection with family, no matter how young they are.
After one mom’s parents made their favoritism for her sister clear to her and her family, she didn’t see the need to punish her daughter for acting out due to a genuine lack of love and connection.
The little girl told her mom’s parents she liked her other grandparents more.
In the AITA post, the mom explained how she and her husband are “slightly more well off” than her sister’s family. Because of this minor financial factor, her parents have taken it upon themselves to be much more involved and helpful toward her sister’s family, creating an unfair relationship dynamic.
“When it comes to gifts my daughter (Maddie 7) gets things from the dollar store while my nephews get whole Lego sets, iPads, and even Disney trips,” the mom wrote in her post.
“If my sister needs babysitting, they will drop everything for her last minute. If I need it I have to give them a two-week’s heads up as well as proper payment.”
Due to the clear lack of connection, Maddie doesn’t have a strong relationship with her maternal grandparents.
“If you ask her about her grandparents, her mind automatically goes to my husband’s parents because she forgets that she has two pairs,” the mom said.
Recently, they took a rare visit to the mom’s parents’ house, which she stated was only to pick up something she was left in a will. Maddie asked if she could jump on their trampoline in their backyard, an expected request from a 7-year-old. Rather than encouraging her to have fun, the mom’s dad told Maddie no, claiming it was for his other grandkids.
“My daughter begged, but Dad still said no. Maddie then stomped away and said, ‘This is why I like other Grandma and Grandpa more,’” the mom detailed. “My parents looked at me expectantly, but I didn’t do anything.”
The mom’s parents claimed she should have reprimanded Maddie for her disrespectful behavior, but the mom disagreed.
Later, the mom received a call from her mother arguing that she should have told her daughter it was wrong for her to say such a thing.
“I told her, ‘What do you expect? She thinks y’all hate her, and y’all do nothing to dispel those thoughts,’” the mom wrote. “She just got quiet for a bit, then said I still shouldn’t let her say something like that to family and hung up.”
While Maddie’s words were certainly disrespectful, she was speaking her true feelings. The mom and her husband felt it was only a result of her parents' unfair favoritism for their other grandkids, and it’s understandable why Maddie feels disconnected from them.
However, even though Maddie's feelings and perceptions were certainly justified, her parents should have discussed the incident with her and encouraged her to understand their family dynamic in a way that she could understand. Social psychologist Susan Newman, Ph.D., told Parents, "Grandparents give children a strong sense of security, that there are people beyond their parents that they can turn to," adding, "As tenuous as this relationship might be, you don't want to poke holes in it and make it less strong."
Aside from holidays, the mom and her family never spend time with her parents. Due to their favoritism, she and her husband try not to bring Maddie around them too often, but this was the first time the girl said something negative about them.
She is slowly starting to notice the difference in treatment she experiences from her maternal grandparents, and she’ll only become more aware of this as she gets older and better understands her family.
The mom later edited the post with updates, saying she spoke with her uncle, who revealed to her that her dad had called him to vent about how disrespectful she and her family were.
“Dad said since I had to … go to college, I shouldn’t need his help, and I should be living the easy life,” the mom wrote. “He also said I’m selfish for trying to take help away from those who need it. He’s never brought up having a problem with that before.”
Reddit users advised the mom to no longer allow her parents to be involved in Maddie’s life.
They found it odd that the grandpa refused to allow his granddaughter to enjoy something as innocent as a trampoline, and his unreasonable behavior indicates favoritism towards his other grandkids.
They argued that Maddie deserves better and shouldn’t grow up feeling as though she’s never enough for her grandparents.
“It's fine if financially the other family needs more assistance,” someone commented on the post. “But your parents are withholding actual love and quality time with your daughter, and that is definitely AH behavior. They're reaping what they are sowing.”
“Your daughter SAID something they don't like, and it's a direct result of what they DO,” another person commented. “Your parents are more concerned about your daughter owing them respect (or what they consider respect) than they are about her preferring her other grandparents and feeling unloved. This kind of injustice leaves its mark right up to adulthood and builds resentment between the kids.”
Perhaps the mom’s parents will eventually realize the wrongdoing of their own actions as Maddie grows up and recognizes the sad reality within her family. However, she should not have to experience their neglectful behavior firsthand, as it will only cause her to develop insecurities and unworthiness in adulthood.
Francesca Duarte is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team based in Orlando, FL. She covers lifestyle, human-interest, adventure, and spirituality topics.