Gen Z Woman Asks If She Was Insensitive For Telling Her Teen Sister The Reason Why She 'Isn't Pretty'
Brutal honesty isn't always the right approach, especially when talking to a teenage girl about her appearance.
PV productions | Shutterstock In 2024, most of us know that “pretty” is a subjective term. Beauty and attractiveness go far deeper than facial features and bodily attributes — it’s about your confidence, your attitude, and the way you carry yourself.
One Gen Z candidly told her teen sister the reason why she 'isn't pretty.'
In her since-deleted Reddit post, the 20-year-old woman explained she was having a conversation with her 17-year-old sister about pretty privilege.
"She went on a rant talking about how unfair it is, and if she was prettier she would be popular and have a boyfriend,” the woman wrote.
These concerns are not out of the ordinary for a teenage girl, however, the sister’s assertion made the woman upset.
“My little sister is super lucky. She is naturally blonde, has a beautiful face, is very thin even though she eats a lot of junk food, and her boobs and butt are huge,” the woman revealed. “However, she’s a complete slob."
"She dresses in very baggy clothing, doesn’t wear makeup, her hair is a mess and she often smells bad because she doesn’t shower much,” she continued.
She added that her sister struggles with acne, as she used to herself, but whenever she suggests skin-care products to resolve the issue, her sister ignores her attempts.
Given her sister's complaints, the woman decided to be brutally honest. “I told her that the reason she isn’t pretty is because she doesn’t put any effort into her appearance,” she recalled. “She got mad at me and stormed off.”
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The woman asked Redditors if she was 'insensitive' in her approach and the responses were mixed.
"I know that nobody is obligated to look nice," she wrote, "but it just upset me to hear her complain about her appearance considering her circumstances. However, I'm starting to think what I said was a bit insensitive."
Reddit users were divided in their opinions, some suggesting the woman’s delivery could have been gentler and others insisting the opposite.
It’s no secret that siblings tend to be our harshest critics, unafraid to express brutal honesty, no matter how brutal.
The woman may have been doing her sister a favor by calling out her poor hygiene, as that is a significant component of taking care of yourself, regardless of how attractive it makes you. But perhaps she could have approached the topic differently.
“Your phrasing could have been just a tad gentler but you really didn't do anything wrong here,” one person commented on the post. “Instead of ‘the reason you're not pretty’ you could have said, ‘the reason people don't realize you're pretty.’ See how the phrasing changes the tone of how it might be received?”
“OP I think you should have been harsher,” another user commented. “Sometimes people don’t realize how bad they’ve become about their hygiene and you need to be specific. If she has the guts to complain about not having a boyfriend but won’t even take the time to clean herself then she’s either oblivious or deeply depressed and she needs a wake-up call.”
That Reddit user and several others pointed out that a lack of hygiene and care for one’s appearance is often a sign of depression.
They additionally suggested that the woman's delivery could be detrimental to the teen's self-image. If she is already feeling insecure and unattractive, having this affirmed by your older sister of all people is a reason to feel even less confident.
"This is a 17-year-old girl! A terrible age for lots of us as it pertains to self-image/self-loathing," someone pointed out. "I think the message isn't wrong but brutal honesty like that will probably just make her hate herself with little to no result."
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The woman should lead by example and help her sister learn to take better care of herself.
Despite the woman's insensitive approach, she was only addressing the solution to her sister's dilemma. While it may have hurt her feelings, hopefully, it inspires her to take action and better care for herself.
There could be various reasons behind a person's lack of hygiene and care for appearance. For some, it's simply not a priority. Others, however, may be dealing with larger mental health issues that inhibit them from exhibiting self-care and self-respect.
Always be mindful of how you approach giving someone the brutal truth, even if they are related to you. Take your approach and delivery into consideration, and remember that actions speak louder than words. Make sure the angle of your approach is solution-driven rather than a personal attack.
The teenager will grow up and blossom into herself, and she'll eventually realize that being attractive is so much deeper than being conventionally pretty. Hopefully, she can learn how to better care for herself, not for the validation of others, but to cultivate self-compassion.
Francesca Duarte is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team based in Orlando, FL. She covers lifestyle, human-interest, adventure, and spirituality topics.