11 Gen X Parenting Skills That Gen Z Refuses To Use On Their Kids
Many of parents of Gen Zers are part of Gen X, but it doesn't seem like Gen Z will be following in their footsteps.
Wavebreakmedia | Shutterstock Each generation has its own unique set of characteristics it's most known for, as well as its own way of doing things. For example, Gen X, born between 1965 and 1980, do a lot of things differently than Gen Z, born between 1997 and 2012. This includes parenting, and there are very specific Gen X parenting skills that Gen Z refuses to use on their own kids.
According to Encyclopedia Britannica, Gen Xers are known for growing up as latchkey kids who were the only ones at home when they returned from school, which built resilience and independence. And although we don't often give them credit for it, they were really the first generation to grow up with technology in the home, seeing the advent of personal computers and cable television. All of these things contributed to Gen X's parenting style, which their Gen Z kids simply can't imagine repeating.
Here are 11 Gen X parenting skills that Gen Z refuses to use on their own kids
1. Helicopter parenting
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Everyone has different opinions on helicopter parenting, which is typically defined as being overly involved in your kids' lives and hovering around all that they do. Some think it's the way to go, while others eschew it completely.
For Gen Xers, it was an attractive parenting style. Therapist Dr. Amelia Kelley, PhD explained that many Gen Xers saw helicopter parenting as the best option because it was the opposite of what they experienced growing up. As latchkey kids whose parents were preoccupied with work, they experienced a certain level of detachment from their own parents, and didn't want to repeat that pattern with their children.
On the other hand, Gen Zers take a more hands-off approach to parenting. While they are still involved in their kids' lives and are good authority figures, they are not known for hovering or micromanaging. Gen Zers are more likely to have a relaxed parenting style, especially after growing up with helicopter parents.
2. Sending kids to traditional schools
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Most Gen Xers were perfectly happy sending their kids to traditional K-12 public schools, or perhaps the occasional private school. Part of this stemmed from the fact that there really weren't a lot of other options, and it was one of those things that everyone was doing. However, Gen Z parents feel very differently on this matter.
As Dr. Kelley put it, "There is no shortage of information for this generation, and for that reason Gen Z parents value allowing exploration of identity more so than work ethic." This, she said, is why Gen Z parents send their kids to alternative educational options, like Montessori schools.
Montessori schools, which started in Italy, first came to the United States in 1911, so they certainly were options for Gen X parents. However, they weren't nearly as widespread or well-known. Instead, most Gen Xers opted to send their children to public school, while their younger counterparts want more personalized educational experiences for their kids.
3. Distracting children with screens
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Whether or not you should distract your kids with screens or limit screen time altogether is a hotly debated topic. While you'll find people on both sides of the argument in every generation, Gen Xers tend to err on the side of using screens as a distraction. This is likely due to the fact that so much new technology was introduced as they were growing up, so they see it as fine for their kids.
Unfortunately, it really isn't. A study published in the Journal of Pediatric Health Care described having too much screen time as a "public health concern." The researchers concluded, "Screen media overuse is associated with poor sleep quality, shorter sleep duration, greater likelihood for overweight/obesity, lower executive functioning, poorer academic performance and increased internalizing and externalizing problems."
Gen Zers, who have grown up practically attached to screens, seem to understand the power of allowing their children to use them less. They're more likely to choose to limit screen time or generally try to keep their kids away from screens. While plenty do still use screens to distract their kids when needed, it's much less pervasive.
4. Spanking
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Disciplining kids through the use of spanking is another hot topic among parents. While there are outliers in every generation, older parents are more likely to spank than younger ones are, according to data gathered by a Harris Poll. In fact, as many as 70% of Gen X parents spanked their children.
While it may seem to make logical sense that a child who has been spanked is better behaved because they've learned what not to do through discipline, this isn't necessarily true. A study published in the journal Child Development found that kids that are spanked at young ages actually struggle with cognitive skills and behavioral problems.
Younger parents are just less likely to spank, perhaps as a result of being spanked during their own childhoods, or perhaps because they just see it as wrong. Whatever the reason, Gen Z parents have not embraced spanking like previous generations and are less likely to do it to their children.
5. Letting kids roam freely
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We've all heard the stories of children being allowed to leave their houses and roam as they wished until the streetlights came on. For today's young people, the stories are so overshared that they feel more like tall tales at this point, especially considering they would never do the same. Gen Xers simply grew up in a different time when the world was a safer place. Or maybe it wasn't, but news didn't spread as easily.
According to health and psychology writer Nancy Lovering, this is often referred to as "free-range parenting." It includes teaching children "essential skills" and then leaving them largely to fend for themselves.
"Examples of free-range parenting include letting your child take public transit or walk to school without you, often at an age when other parents might typically accompany their kids," she noted.
Free-range parenting is much less common today, when schedules are carefully planned and the media seems to warn of a new danger every day. While some still participate in free-range parenting, it's safe to say that Gen Zers are much less likely to allow their kids to roam freely than their own parents were.
6. Trusting their kids
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Similar to free-range parenting, Gen X parents were also more likely to trust their kids and the decisions they made. Historian, economist, and demographer Neil Howe defined this as being a "stealth-fighter parent." This means that, while they are always watching closely, Gen X parents choose when to assert their influence.
"They choose when and where they will attack," Howe said. "If the issue seems below their threshold of importance, they save their energy and let it go entirely. But if it crosses their threshold and shows up on their radar, they will strike — rapidly, in force and often with no warning."
Meanwhile, Gen Zers are a bit more skeptical. They have learned that the world can be a scary place and rarely take things at face value. They see the importance of knowing where their kids are, what they're doing, and laying some ground rules.
7. Volunteering at school
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Having your parents volunteer at your school is a rite of passage for some kids. For others, their parents are simply too busy or not involved enough. Gen Xers were much more likely to make this a priority. In fact, Gen Xers were more likely to volunteer in general, with the British Heart Foundation finding that more than one-third of Gen X volunteered in 2017, a higher percentage than any other generation.
Similarly, Howe noted, "As parents, they will be more exclusively focused on their own child than the good of the school. While boomers might volunteer for a district-wide curriculum committee, Gen X parents will prefer to be a class chaperone, which directly benefits (and allows them personally to monitor) their own child."
This doesn't mean that Gen Z chooses not to volunteer, at their children's schools or elsewhere. It simply means that Gen Z tends to be a busier generation with less time to do things like volunteer at their kids' school. Instead, this is a decidedly Gen X trait.
8. Encouraging higher education
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Whether or not going to college is worth it has become a much contested topic among younger generations. For Gen Xers, college seemed like a no-brainer. It almost guaranteed the promise of a better job and higher salary. Gen Xers saw college for the idealistic institution it was meant to be, where you could put in extra work to get a little extra out of life.
An Echo Delta study found that 25% of Gen X parents considered themselves "invested" in their child's college education, and said "there's no limit to what they'd do to ensure their child has a good college experience."
On the other hand, Gen Zers have a problem with debt, in general, and especially with student loan debt. This is largely due to the rising costs of college tuition and changing economic landscape, which makes landing a good job much harder, even if you have a college degree.
While college was just the next step in life for Gen X, Gen Z understands that it is not the only option out there, and maybe not even the best one in some cases.
9. Financially supporting their children
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Every generation has its own instances of children needing financial support from their parents after they've grown up. It's certainly nothing new. However, Gen X has found themselves in a unique position in which a majority feel they need to support their children from a financial standpoint.
According to a U.S. Bank survey, 53% of Gen X is worried that their children will remain financially dependent on their parents. And, it seems like they probably have the money to do so. KPMG estimated that the average net worth of a Gen Xer was $1.88 million. Conversely, for Gen Zers, it was just $96,000.
Coming from a time when the economy was more stable and money was easier to save, Gen X parents are in a unique position to help their kids with money, whereas those same kids who make up Gen Z are in no position to help their own kids — they're the ones who needed the help in the first place, after all.
10. Being a big part of their kids' lives
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This is certainly not to say that Gen Z is uninvolved or preoccupied with other things. However, being fully present in their children's lives was of particular importance to Gen X, who grew up with more disengaged parents from the baby boomer generation. Instead, Gen Xers are interested in learning more about parenting and how they could best support their kids.
As Dr. Kelley noted, "Theories [are that] this generation became so interested in learning more about parenting in response to their lack of experiencing sufficient support as children themselves. They are incredibly interested in encouraging individual choice while trying to remain engaged as parents."
Gen Zers make great parents and are definitely a big part of their kids' lives. However, they may not feel like they have this strong mandate to be involved in the way Gen X does because of their own personal experiences. There's nothing wrong with that. It's simply a difference in generations.
11. Giving themselves some grace
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All parents are hard on themselves and feel they could do better. Gen X parents are a bit more willing to give themselves some grace and understand that they simply did the best they could, though. Gen Zers, on the other hand, put a lot of pressure on themselves to be flawless.
Licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Holly Schiff, PsyD, said that Gen Z parents typically want to be "perfect." Because of this, they also tend to lack confidence where other generations do not. They are more unsure of themselves and still working to find their footing where their Gen X counterparts accept that mistakes will occur, and that's okay.
Gen Z parents deeply feel the pressure to be perfect, while Gen X cuts themselves a little more slack. That doesn't mean either approach is wrong.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor's degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.