5 Things To Never Say To Childless-By-Choice Women
My reasons for not wanting to have children are none of your business.
Liza Summer | Pexels By Jillian Kramer
More women in the U.S. are choosing to go child-free than at any other time in recorded history, according to new census data. Can you blame them? The world feels like it's on fire and it seems to be growing even more expensive every year just to live. How can anyone expect to take care of a baby when they can barely afford to take care of themselves?
Leading a solo life doesn't mean a woman is miserable, yet those who don't have or want kids continue to be ostracized and judged for it. I have my own reasons for not wanting to have a child, and I don't have to share those reasons with anyone. I don't owe any relative a baby, and I don't owe it to humanity to keep up my bloodline if I don't want to.
Here are five phrases these women hear all too often, and why we need to ban them from our vocabulary.
Don't say these 5 things to childless-by-choice women, ever:
1. "You just haven't found the right guy yet."
A man can't awaken a maternal instinct that doesn't exist. Kid and man are no longer a package deal — you can have one without the other. Would it be so wrong of me to want to enjoy a life with a man I love and marry, and not have kids? Why must I have both?
2. "Who will take care of you when you're older?"
Having children shouldn't be about creating a long-term life insurance policy that protects you from less-than-stellar nursing homes or senior centers. There's not even a guarantee any of those kids will want to take care of me, especially if they find out that's the only reason I had them.
3. "You might regret it."
This statement completely invalidates a woman's right to choose her own path — and the choice itself! Besides, I would rather regret not having kids than regret having kids.
4. "Nothing will make you happier than having a child."
It's undeniable that raising a beautiful baby boy or girl brings immense joy to many people — but many great women also find bliss in other valuable endeavors. We should celebrate, not squash, the varied experiences women find happiness in. I can find fulfillment in life and still not be a mother.
5. "Isn't that kind of selfish?”
Staying childless does not guarantee a selfish existence any more than becoming a mother automatically makes a woman a saint. No one says procreation is a requirement of all human beings.
Jillian Kramer is an award-winning storyteller. She's been featured in Food and Wine, Glamour, SELF, Brides, and Women's Health Magazine.