Daughter Tells Her Mother She Regrets 'Wasting Her Youth' Taking Care Of Her
She's worried she was unnecessarily cruel to her mother, but others agree that she had every right to vent.
fizkes / Shutterstock A 26-year-old woman is worried she was unintentionally "cruel" to her mother after getting into an argument about her desire to go back to school.
Posting to the subreddit r/AITAH, the young woman admitted that she feels bad for snapping at her mother, but was pushed to her limit by her hurtful comments.
She told her mother that she regrets 'wasting her youth' taking care of her.
In her Reddit post, the woman explained that she was raised by a single mother who always told her that her father abandoned them and never cared about being a family. Since she was a single mother, she constantly worked two jobs to support them — and made sure her daughter knew just how hard she had to work.
"For some reason those comments always made me feel like everything was my fault," she recalled. "Sometimes I felt like my mother would have been better off if I didn't exist."
Sadly, when she turned 16, her mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. At the time, the two of them were living in a rented house and the owner was asking them to leave. She then learned that her mother had not been paying the bills or rent.
Since her mom couldn't work due to cancer, the then-16-year-old dropped out of school and started working to provide money for their expenses and rent.
"The first year was hard. I ate very little, it was more coffee than anything. The chemo, the work, everything was very exhausting," she shared. "Even so, I never regretted taking care of my mother. I felt like it was the least I could do after she sacrificed everything for me."
Eventually, her mother went into remission, and the woman decided to resume her schooling — something her mother did not approve of.
"She told me things like: "It is humiliating that you finish your studies when I was never able to do so because I had to take care of you," the woman shared.
At first, the young woman listened to her mother, but her boyfriend encouraged her to go back to school regardless. "Now this last year my boyfriend has encouraged me to go to university, he even told me that I could take out a loan to pay for university and put him as [a cosigner]. He has a very good salary," she continued. "When I raised the idea with my family, everyone was happy except my mother, who made me feel bad again."
Her mother accused her daughter's boyfriend of "putting absurd ideas" into her head, and that it would be a waste of time to go into debt when she would most likely end up leaving.
"I reminded her [I] never leave something abandoned of my own free will, but she reminded me that I left school because I was stupid," she wrote. "That's when I reminded her that I [left school] because she needed me."
Photo: fizkes / Shutterstock
Her mother began saying incredibly hurtful things to her daughter, including that she never "needed her," that her daughter "extorted" her," and that she would prefer to die than have her daughter responsible for her well-being. Hearing these things from her mother, the young woman broke down and admitted that she regretted having taken care of her during her youth and no longer wanted her in her life.
"My boyfriend says I was right to vent but I feel like I was very cruel to her and my family also thinks I was cruel," the woman shared. "I don't know what to do, maybe I should apologize. It's the only family I have, but I feel like I'm hurt a lot."
People online agreed that her mother was in the wrong.
"She’s jealous because you’re trying to live the life she wanted. Just let her be, finish your studies," one Reddit user advised. "She’s treated you like a burden your entire life, I’m sorry you’re going through this."
Another user agreed, writing, "I was a single mother. There were so many dreams I had, but couldn't achieve. My son is now working, has a partner, and is doing very well. I watch him and I sometimes wish I could have done what he did and have what he has. But I am so unbelievably proud of that boy. Proud of the choices he made and the achievements he fought for."
Despite watching her son achieve all of the things that she wishes she had, this mother doesn't feel any resentment. She pointed out that no parent should ever make their child feel like a burden or a mistake.
"Your mother is wrong and extremely jealous," she wrote. "Do not listen to her. You live your life now. Make decisions and walk your own path. Even if that means you walk it without her in it."
Children don't owe their parents anything for being provided the basic necessities of life. That's just parenthood and something individuals sign up for once they have a child. It's not something parents should expect to be paid back, and certainly not something to be held over your child's head.
Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.