Eldest Daughter Makes Her Mother Cry After Admitting That She Has No Desire To Become A Parent
She has every right to make choices in her own best interest.
MART PRODUCTION / Pexels Everyone is entitled to their preferences in life, and many people opt out of having children for personal reasons.
This is especially common among eldest daughters because they are inherently assigned roles of domestic and emotional responsibility over their younger siblings.
One woman unintentionally made her mom cry after she admitted she had no interest in being a mother.
In a post on Reddit, which has since been taken down, the 34-year-old woman explained that she never wants to have children because, as the eldest daughter of four siblings, she spent the majority of her youth in a parenting role.
“Growing up, it felt like my own wants and needs were pushed aside to help my siblings,” she wrote in the post. “There was resentment that grew in my youth because my parents supported them in their interests while mine basically got the back burner.”
The woman added how her mother was a neonatal nurse and frequently shared her experiences witnessing teenage pregnancies with complications as a scare tactic. These stories have haunted her her whole life, and added fuel to her desire to remain childless.
“I’ve been adamant about my stance for decades,” the woman explained. “This isn’t news. My dad doesn’t care, but my mom has told me on numerous occasions that it breaks her heart.”
During a recent family reunion, while her siblings were given the freedom to hang out and have fun with everyone, the eldest daughter was expected to help cook and clean.
The woman helped serve everyone, and after they all ate, she returned to her mom’s house to clean by herself.
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When finished, she finally headed to the park to hang out with everyone and play some volleyball.
When she arrived, tension began to build as her mom openly asked her if she was done with her responsibilities, watching her finally enjoy time with her family with crossed arms.
After the park closed, the woman’s cousins returned to their hotel and her aunts and uncles came by her mom’s house for wine. The woman headed back to her mom’s house as well to grab her things, and as she was there, her uncle shared news of her cousin’s recent pregnancy with her second child.
Everyone was elated by the news, but her mom later made a critical comment, saying “That must be nice. My daughter wants to torture me and not give me any babies.”
Feeling inclined to stand her ground, she jokingly reminded her mom she was still single, and she wasn’t even in the position to consider having children. But her mom became emotional, claiming she was purposely avoiding marriage and starting a family to hurt her.
To make matters worse, the woman’s aunt chimed in that it was “every mother’s dream to watch her own daughter create her own family.” She then asked her niece if she just didn’t want to make her mom proud.
The woman couldn’t take the irrational expectations being placed on her, and the truth poured out.
“I’m my own person and I don’t live for her wants,” she said. “All of her horror stories from the hospital made me never want to endure childbirth.”
This made her mom break down, believing it was her fault her daughter didn’t want kids, and she ran out of the room crying.
Photo: BananaStock / Canva Pro
Her family was more than displeased with the woman’s reaction, and her aunt yelled at her for being selfish.
When her siblings found out, her brother criticized her for not playing along to make everyone happy. She expressed how her mom now refuses to talk to her for “embarrassing” her.
The majority of Reddit users supported the woman in her choices, calling her mom manipulative and selfish.
This woman appears to be suffering from an extreme case of eldest daughter syndrome (EDS) and parentification, with a mom who forced her to grow up too fast and is constantly holding her responsible for domestic tasks while her siblings are free to make their own decisions.
Reddit users insisted she enforces boundaries with her family.
“For the next family function/holiday where you are normally expected to ‘help’ mom out while your siblings get to have fun, make plans,” one person suggested. “Go on a trip, go to a friend's place, volunteer somewhere, just don't be there for mom for once. She needs to figure it out on her own or get help from your siblings. The parentification needs to stop.”
It’s not enough that she does everything she’s told without argument or opposition, but she is additionally ridiculed for protecting her freedom to make her own choices about having kids— a right she is entitled to.
It’s ironic for the woman to be labeled as selfish, as the eldest daughter who has inherently taken on a role she never asked for, with no complaints. If anything, her mom’s behavior is selfish, ruling out her own daughter’s wants and needs for the betterment of the whole family, when they are capable of caring for themselves.
Believing her daughter’s choice to not reproduce is to intentionally spite her is hard evidence of emotional manipulation, as another Reddit user pointed out. In reality, the daughter’s choice is to protect her own sanity, having dedicated her life to catering to her seemingly unappreciative family.
“She wants to keep [her] in a position of control where she can continue to dictate how her life will go,” the Reddit user added. “Quite honestly, I'd go [low contact] with the lot of them and let their resentment at having to CARE FOR THEMSELVES build up, then explain THAT'S THEIR JOB,” another person commented.
Given the circumstances of her family, it only makes sense why she refuses to have kids, and it wouldn’t be a surprise if she chose to cut off contact with them one day if they continue to judge her for her choices.
It is not every daughter’s dream to have kids, and moms must respect this choice.
Moms who continuously place pressure on their daughters to have children, after they explicitly state they don’t want to, will only cause them to harbor resentment as they get older.
Additionally, it’s unreasonable to believe every mom’s dream is to watch her daughter have children, as there are plenty of supportive moms who see their daughters’ worth outside their child-bearing abilities.
Having a child can be exhausting and pull a woman’s attention away from herself, and especially as the eldest daughter with so many expected obligations to her family, she likely feels disconnected from her own identity. Bringing a child into the world could only pull her further away from herself.
It is not a mother’s place to persuade her daughter to have kids, especially after scaring her into never wanting to.
Having children is not the end goal for every woman. In fact, in recent generations, it has become much more common for women to choose a child-free life. Many of them would rather focus primarily on their wants and needs, as opposed to following the family route — and that’s okay!
Parents need to stop expecting their kids to become who they want them to be, especially their eldest daughters. Instead, they must support their children to have the autonomy to make their own life choices, even if it doesn't meet their expectations.
Francesca Duarte is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team based in Orlando, FL. She covers lifestyle, human-interest, adventure, and spirituality topics.