Dad Tells His Partner He Is Hesitant To Have More Children Since Her Family Is 'Not The Most Attractive'
She is now worried that he also finds her unattractive.
paulaphoto / Shutterstock While discussing whether or not she and her partner should have more children, one woman was shocked by her partner’s revelations and secret fears when it came to adding to their family — and it had nothing to do with finances or time.
Now, the woman wonders how she can move past her partner’s hurtful confession.
The mom's partner said he's hesitant to have more children with her since her family is ‘not the most attractive.’
In a since-deleted post on Reddit, the 29-year-old woman revealed that she and her 34-year-old male partner have been dating for nearly four years and have a toddler son.
They have decided not to have any more children for the time being due to their financial situation and lack of time to raise multiple children. However, the woman’s partner admitted that there was another reason they should not have more children, and it was not what the woman was expecting.
“My partner also revealed that he is nervous that if we have a girl, she would not be conventionally attractive and her life would be harder, as he doesn’t really find the women on my side of the family that attractive,” she wrote.
The woman confessed that her partner’s comment hurt, as she assumed that meant he also found her to be unattractive. However, he assured her that this was not the case and that he found her to be beautiful.
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“My issue is that we plan on getting married, and it was also confirmed that if my family looked different, he would possibly be open to more kids,” the woman wrote. “That leads me to assume he is settling, and the last thing I want is resentment on either end. I am beyond hurt and a little disgusted.”
Most people agreed that the woman had every right to feel hurt, and they found her partner's concerns about having more children troubling in their own right.
“I'm just astounded that at 32 years of age, this man is worried about his daughter being conventionally attractive. Doesn't it make you wonder how he values women?” one Redditor pointed out. “That they can only be ‘attractive’ to have value in this world? Just gross.”
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“Sounds like he judges women’s worth by their physical attractiveness…Think about how it’s making you feel about yourself. Imagine that 1000x how your daughters will feel when their dad tells them they are useless because no man will want them,” another user wrote.
“Why is he worried about whether or not he would find his hypothetical daughter hot enough?” another user noted.
Others encouraged the woman not to marry her partner due to his shallow views on the physical appearances of their potential children.
While discussing the possibility of having children, parents’ main concerns should be their finances, space, current job situation, and whether they have the mental capacity to raise them.
The primary concern should not be, “What if my child is unattractive?”
It is important to note that what you may perceive as “unattractive” could be someone else’s dream ideal appearance and what they look for in a romantic partner.
It is even more important to point out that even if you find your in-laws to be not best looking, it does not mean your children will possess any of their physical characteristics.
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The woman updated her post, attempting to defend her partner’s claims after he explained his feelings in depth.
“He said that his main fear is that as a black girl/woman, our hypothetical daughter would have it rougher in the world if she were not conventionally attractive,” she shared. “He said this is based on his experience but went on to clarify that he would not love his daughter any less, but it is more fear of the world.”
Even if the man is fearful of what his hypothetical daughter may have to endure, we can guarantee there will still be people in her life who support and love her unconditionally no matter what others think — including him.
Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.