Dad Tells His Kids They're Not His 'Problem' Anymore After Their Mom Passes & He Decided To Keep The House For Himself
They cut him out of their lives for not being present despite supporting them financially.
MAYA LAB / Shutterstock It might seem rather callous for a dad to tell his kids they aren’t his "problem" anymore after their mom passes away.
But given the context of one dad’s specific situation, after going above and beyond to support his kids, only to be shut out of their lives completely, he realized they didn’t truly appreciate his efforts.
The dad took to Reddit to ask if he was wrong for how he responded to his kids after their mom’s death.
In the since-deleted AITA post, the dad explained he and his wife “got sick of each other” 10 years into their marriage, but they had three kids together and wanted to work it out for their sake.
However, it didn’t work out, and they eventually divorced.
“I let her keep the house because it was the kids’ home, and I wanted them to have some stability,” he wrote. “I paid child support, and I paid for extracurriculars on top of that. I had to work a lot of hours to afford everything I was paying for, but I thought it was worth it. My mental health improved being away from my ex, and the kids were taken care of.”
While he tried to stay involved in their lives, he could only do so much as he spent a lot of time working to afford their busy lifestyles.
“I made an effort to be there for all the important things. Birthdays, Christmas, holidays,” he explained. “I also made sure that my custody time was sacrosanct. I would turn off my work phone and be present when we were together. But no matter how I tried, they got resentful that I wasn't always there.”
Of course, it’s natural for kids to harbor resentment toward their parents following an untimely divorce. Seeing as their dad went from living at home with them to suddenly moving out, it’s understandable why they would feel confused and hurt.
The dad’s kids eventually cut him out of their lives, even though he continued to support them.
Despite the sacrifices he made to financially support each of their extracurricular endeavors, they couldn’t see past his lack of involvement in their everyday activities.
“Their argument was that their mom worked and still managed to attend,” he explained. “We grew apart, and they cut me out of their lives. I hated it. I still made sure they all graduated from college without debt. One of them got a scholarship, so I actually had a little extra money to give them.”
Alas, his kids remained bitter and only grew more distant the older they got.
“I rarely saw them after they left high school,” he added. “I have not seen them in years now.”
When their mom unexpectedly passed away while on vacation at only 53 years old, each of their kids received about $31,000 from her will. “I sold the house. It was mine as per our agreement,” he stated. “She could live there for free until she got remarried. She never did.”
Andy Dean Photography | Shutterstock
The dad honorably allowed his ex-wife and kids to live in his house for free after the divorce, additionally paying for taxes and maintenance.
However, his kids were expecting to receive a share of the house's profit in addition to their inheritance, and they weren’t too pleased to find out that wasn’t the case.
The dad decided to sell the house and keep the profits to fund his retirement.
Seeing as it was his house, after all, Reddit users agreed he was valid in his decision. When his kids discovered this, they suddenly came by his house to confront him.
“They said that it wasn't fair that I got the house. I said I owned the house and that their mom didn't leave it to me,” he reiterated. “They said that they could really use some help. I said that none of them were really my problem anymore. I hadn't been invited to their homes, and I hadn't been asked to participate in their weddings. I attended as a guest.”
While it hurts to hear your own dad tell you that you aren’t his problem anymore, it must hurt significantly more to spend years supporting your kids only to be misunderstood by them and cut off. But was there more he could have done to explain to them his side of things?
Psychologist Dr. Richard Warshak explained to NPR, "If children hear only one side of the story, they're left to cope on their own with incomplete information. So rather than take a passive approach to try to maintain some harmony, I think it's important that parents in this situation step up and find some way to communicate to their children." He suggested taking "a more active approach in which you're careful not to put down the other parent ... You don't have to tell your side of the story, but you do need to introduce the idea that there is another side to the story."
The dad’s kids called him stingy for his actions, but he argued they wouldn’t have ever reached out to him if it weren’t for the money.
“I disliked my ex, but she was a good mom,” he emphasized. “I never wanted to get this money this way. I would have been fine letting her live there another thirty years.”
“While you weren’t there, you made it possible for their mom to be there for them,” one Reddit user identified. “They have the right to feel estranged from you, but they have no cause to be angry at you over the house. I expect a lot of that is misplaced rage at losing their mom so early.”
While the dad may not have been physically present, his kids would not have had nearly as much of a comfortable life if it weren’t for his ongoing financial support. Whether they recognize this or not, they can’t justifiably argue their dad was not there for them, because he most definitely did his best, and they should show him grace for that.
Francesca Duarte is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team based in Orlando, FL. She covers lifestyle, human-interest, adventure, and spirituality topics.