Dad Refuses To Place A Wendy's Order For His Socially Anxious Teen Daughter — 'She Needs To Start Doing This On Her Own'
Rather than enabling her anxiety, he insisted she face her fear.
Anna Nahabed | Shutterstock Social anxiety is a fairly common experience, with an estimated 12.1% of U.S. adults experiencing the disorder at some time in their lives.
After a teenage girl backed down from ordering food for herself due to social anxiety, her dad stood his ground and insisted she do it herself. When she was unable to do so, the dad refused to order it in her place, and they left the restaurant without food.
The dad asked Redditors if he was wrong for refusing to order for his daughter and ‘letting her be hungry.’
In his post, the dad explained that his daughter is 15 and has social anxiety. She is in counseling for it, but they don’t give her medications as he stated they’re not necessary.
Recently, the teen’s counselor advised her to start doing low-risk tasks on her own, like ordering food, to tackle her social anxiety. So, when the dad went out with his daughter to run errands, and the teen asked to stop at Wendy's, he saw the perfect opportunity for her to do so.
As he doesn't allow eating in his car, the dad pulled into the Wendy's parking lot and told his daughter to go inside and order while he grabbed a table.
“She comes back a few minutes later and tells me she can't order,” the dad wrote. “She doesn't want to talk to the cashier at the front of the store. I told her she needs to order and we will head out. She asked me to order, and I told her no.”
“I also ran through a script with her at the table, but she wouldn't do it,” he added. “We sit for about 10 minutes when I tell her it's time to go.”
Rather than enabling his daughter’s anxiety, the dad stood his ground and gave her the opportunity to overcome her fear. When she refused, he let the experience serve as a lesson.
The teen and her mom were upset at the dad, claiming he let the girl ‘go hungry.’
While many parents would likely struggle to resist the urge to help their child order food, the dad made a valid point in allowing the teenager to fight this battle on her own. The bottom line is she needs to learn to withstand situations that make her uncomfortable — her dad won't always be there to step in.
She may feel angry with her dad for refusing to help her in a moment of fear, but she’ll likely never forget this experience, and it might offer her the strength to overcome this fear next time.
Reddit users empathized with the teen, as social anxiety can be a challenging experience and she was brave to at least try and get out of her comfort zone, but they agreed with the dad’s persistence in encouraging her to order for herself.
“I have seen the outcome when a kid with anxiety who is not self-motivated to improve is enabled by a parent’s ‘help,’ and it looks like a 35-year-old adult who can’t even do their own groceries,” one person commented on the post. “She is old enough that she needs to learn to do things herself, and ordering fast food is a low-stakes way for her to learn that if she doesn’t [do] it herself, it won’t get done.”
“Next time, I'd recommend you go with her,” another person, in addition to many others, suggested. “She still has to order for herself, but you can be next to her as a supporting figure. I have social anxiety (and I'm autistic), and I also had a lot of trouble ordering food.”
Those with social anxiety should actively seek to desensitize themselves from the experiences that cause them anxiety.
The teen is lucky to be supported by parents who take her anxiety seriously. Oftentimes, parents either enable their kids’ anxiety or don’t believe they have it at all, and either scenario can make it much more challenging for the kid to overcome their fears.
While the girl may have failed to order by herself this time, failure is one of our greatest teachers, and her effort was a stepping stone in the right direction.
Perhaps her dad can learn to be more patient and take small steps with her, even if it means standing close by her when she orders food.
As long as her parents continue to support and encourage her, she will grow up with the confidence and ability to take control of her anxiety and not let it consume her.
However, the girl's parents are not always going to be around to help her with basic tasks like ordering food, and she will eventually need to learn how to speak for herself.
Francesca Duarte is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team based in Orlando, FL. She covers lifestyle, human-interest, adventure, and spirituality topics.