Dad Asks If He's Wrong For Installing A Hidden Camera In His House As A 'Trust Check' Without Telling His Daughter
He said he can't 'unsee' what he saw.
New Africa via Shutterstock / Roberto Nickson via Unsplash After installing a hidden camera at his home, a father took to Reddit to ask people whether he was wrong for doing so.
The man explained that his 24-year-old daughter had recently moved back home.
In his since-deleted post, he wrote that he and his wife let their adult daughter stay at their house while charging her a small rent fee every month that allowed her to save up for her own apartment. However, at one point when the couple was on a vacation, their daughter threw a party.
“Upon return, we noted items in the house damaged or missing," he wrote. "Daughter admitted to what happened and committed to pay for damaged/stolen items.”
The man wasn’t thrilled with having strangers in his home so, his daughter agreed to not having people over.
“I made it very clear to my daughter that no visitors were allowed in our house in the future unless we were present and/or approved in advance,” he explained.
But it seems the man still didn’t trust his daughter as he secretly installed a camera in his home the next time his wife and he went on a vacation.
After discussing boundaries and expectations, instead of giving his daughter the benefit of the doubt, the man decided to install a camera in his home so he could monitor his home. While on vacation, he found out that while his daughter didn’t throw a party, she had someone over — and it wasn’t pleasant.
Photo: New Africa / Shutterstock
“Although there wasn't a party going on, my daughter had a guy in the house engaging in an activity I can't unsee,” he explained.
The man told his wife about it, expecting her to take his side. However, she became angry at him for not only spying on his daughter but doing so without her knowledge.
“She accused me of violating my daughter's trust and dignity," the man wrote. "She immediately called my daughter and advised that I was 'spying' on her.”
The man defended his actions.
"I believe I was within my rights to protect and surveille my house in the manner that I did,” he wrote, adding, “There was only a single camera that covered the living room - not an area where there is normally an expectation of privacy.”
While he's not legally in the wrong, most agreed that morally he went about protecting his home in the wrong way.
Though most states don't have laws against installing hidden cameras in your own home, for the sake of protecting relationships, it's worth revealing the presence of cameras as opposed to hiding the information. And more importantly, it's important for families to communicate boundaries with each other.
That said, those who commented on the post agreed that everyone was in the wrong here aside from the man's wife.
“Your daughter is wrong for breaking your rules. That is your house and you get to decide who comes in," one person wrote. "You on the other hand should not have set up a camera. That is an invasion of privacy.”
While it's understandable for parents to want to protect their homes when living with an adult child, parenting expert James Lehman, MSW, has explained that parents need to afford their children adult privileges, including privacy. Meanwhile, adult children also need to respect house rules.
Ultimately, it's crucial for families in this situation to sit down and maturely discuss rules and boundaries as well as consider setting up a legal living agreement.
"You are not in a relationship with a teen any longer," certified parent coach Kim Muench said in a TikTok video. "This is a fellow adult and you want to parent with them and not over them."
Sanika Nalgirkar, M.F.A. is a writer who covers entertainment & news, lifestyle, and pop culture topics.