Children Who Were Always Polite Usually Develop These 11 Traits As Adults
If good manners were super important when you were growing up, you probably behave in some specific ways as a grown up.
frantic00 / Shutterstock Most children are inherently rowdy with minimum manners. Growing up in a loving home, good parents teach their children arguably the most important lesson of them all: to just be kids. While this parenting style has many positive effects, it can also backfire, as kids who aren't taught the importance of being polite may grow up to be pretty rude.
On the other hand, kids who are always polite develop some specific traits as adults that benefit most people they encounter, but sometimes aren't so great for them. From good observation skills to high emotional intelligence, being taught to have good manners from a young age is great preparation for what's to come, but over-doing it can sometimes hold people back.
Children who were always polite usually develop these 11 traits as adults
1. They have a finely-tuned sense of empathy
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Children who are always polite usually develop a great sense of empathy as adults. Most polite children had it drilled into them that to be rude was to be disrespectful. As a result, these children grow into adults who are sensitive to other people's needs. Sometimes, however, this empathy can go too far, leading them to fall into people-pleasing patterns.
Breaking this behavior later in life isn't always easy. According to clinical psychologist Monica Vermani, C. Psych., to break a habit, you must acknowledge it, acknowledge the trigger, figure out where it stems from, and implement healthier alternatives.
2. They have excellent communication skills
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Growing up, children who are always polite children were usually taught specific ways to act in front of people. Their parents may have cared too much about their reputation and, as a result, instilled in them excellent manners, including proper communication skills. As they grow older, these polite children turn into adults who feel confident communicating with just about anyone.
This is great, as most people know excellent communication tends to prevent misunderstandings. One study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that feeling misunderstood leads to higher stress, lower life satisfaction, and lower motivation.
Even so, developing these crucial skills didn't come without any cost. After all, expressing oneself by being vulnerable, open, and honest is rarely easy. Despite this fact, these adults are willing to push through discomfort for the sake of appearances. Fortunately, this one almost always works out in their favor.
3. They have high emotional intelligence
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Most people tend to overestimate their emotional intelligence. According to research by organizational psychologist Tasha Eurich, despite 95% of people believing they're self-aware, only 10% to 15% actually are. That said, children who were always polite usually develop high emotional intelligence.
Even if growing up wasn't that much of a thrill for them, at least they gained a superpower out of it. These adults are now better able to understand the emotions residing within themselves, even if they choose to not do anything about them.
And they are even better at recognizing emotions in other people, often leading to better communication and connection. This is important, as UCLA professor Matthew Lieberman wrote in his book "Social: Why Our Brains Are Wired to Connect that social connection is just as important as food, water, and shelter.
4. They are great problem solvers
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Most people have found themselves in tricky situations at some point in their life. Whether they were at a family gathering or at a work event, there was likely a time in which they had to be problem solvers. In many cases, people might freeze up, unsure of what to do. They may not want to make the situation worse, but they also may not want to stay silent.
On the flip side, children who are always polite usually develop great problem-solving skills. As children, these overly polite children were put in all sorts of uncomfortable social situations. Needing to play nice and navigate tricky conversations taught them to think fast on their feet. Because of this, these children are now grown adults who have become good at solving difficult problems.
Now, does this always mean they'll handle all situations perfectly? No. But compared to others, they're way better at it than people who were allowed to be rude as kids.
5. They adapt well in most situations
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Children who were always polite usually develop the trait of adapting well in most situations. Needing to fit in perfectly with the crowd when they were young, these adults use their 'camouflage' capabilities to adjust their personality to those around them.
On the outside, this might sound like they are being fake, and in some ways, people would be right. Changing who someone is to fit in isn't always recommended, but that doesn't mean it isn't useful. When people are clamoring for a job promotion or need to make connections, sometimes, being able to adapt is a blessing.
That said, there are moments when using these skills isn't always a great idea. When someone is with their friends or loved ones, it can put people at a distance when one person is insincere about who they are. According to a study in 2016, this type of isolation can lead to depression if people aren't careful.
Knowing this, people who have this gift should always remember that there is a time and place for everything, and in front of their loved ones isn't one of them.
6. They respect people’s individual opinions and perspectives
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To be honest, diversity of opinion isn't as common as people would like to believe. Most people grow up in an environment where their parents think the same way, their teachers think the same way, and their neighbors think the same way. Because of this, respect for other opinions and perspectives has seemingly gone down the drain.
That said, children who were always polite usually develop the trait of respecting other people's opinions and perspectives. Likely, they were socialized by their parents to be kind and considerate to others.
According to a study published in the Journal of Clinical and Experimental Neuropsychology, open-minded people tend to be more intelligent than close-minded people. Knowing this, people who were always polite as children should feel proud! They're not only kind and considerate, but pretty intelligent as well.
7. They’re reliable
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Everybody wants a reliable person in their life. As discussed previously, human beings need socialization to thrive. Without it, we are increasingly likely to experience mental health problems like depression and anxiety.
Even so, finding dependable people isn't easy. Friends grow apart, lovers break up, and families argue. However, children who were always polite usually develop the trait of being reliable as adults.
It's rare, but these people are the type to show up at one in the morning with chocolate and a shoulder to cry on. Being so used to being polite and considerate to others, they've practically centered their world around catering to others. As a result, these individuals tend to be great friends to lean on during times of need.
On the flip side, it's important that these adults also take time to help themselves. After all, constantly catering to others is the best way to burn themselves out, leading to stress and most likely, anxiety, as a study published in 2022 found that feeling burnout (for instance, due to work) leads to issues like anxiety.
8. They’re naturally charming and likable
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Everybody likes charming people, and children who were always polite usually have such good social skills that they naturally charm those around them. Most people forget that the way that they talk and interact with others does matter.
People who grew up always being polite understand that being charming is a skill people learn overtime. And since they had the privilege to practice their polite skills at a young age, they slowly learned how to improve their social skills over time. As a result, these individuals used all that they learned to their advantage and now know how to charm those around them.
In the course of a study published in Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, participants chatted on the phone with random strangers without knowing how they looked like. The researchers found that those with better social skills were more likable than those deemed less socially skilled.
9. They’re humble
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Children who were always polite usually develop the skill of being humble. It's unfortunate, but we live in an age where being humble is rare. With flex culture on the rise, people care more about how many cars they have than how they act in the company of others. As a result, they unintentionally annoy those around them as their fake facade of humbleness comes crashing down.
According to a study conducted at Harvard Business School, people that humble-brag are increasingly more likely to be less likely than people who brag outright. Luckily, children who were polite already know this, and as a result, are some of the most humble and kind people you will ever meet.
10. They know how to remain calm during stressful situations
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It's easy for people to allow the stressors of everyday life to chip away at them. With demanding bosses, impossible coworkers, and questionable friends, is it any wonder why most people loose their cool during stress situations?
That said, children who were always polite usually develop the trait of knowing how to remain calm as an adult. Throughout their life, these people were taught to keep their emotions in check and to be aware of other people's reactions. As a result, they learn how to ease tense situations, since they have a good understanding of why people feel the way they feel.
In adulthood, these polite individuals grow to be great at remaining calm during stressful situations. Taking their parents teaching into account, they carefully listen to those around them, and they understand that losing their cool will only make things worse. Instead of losing their cool, they remain in control and actively try to implement solutions, even if the other person is making it nearly impossible to do so.
11. They have excellent observation skills
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Finally. children who were always polite usually develop the trait of having excellent observational skills. Growing up, their parents taught them to be mindful of how their actions impact those around them. This teaches their children to carefully observe other people.
Now, in adulthood, these individuals are able to read a room without so much as batting an eye. By quickly glancing around they can tell who is happy, who's frustrated, and who's sad.
That said, this gift isn't always all that great. Constantly paying attention to other people is bound to burn out most people. This is why having firm boundaries is extremely important. Otherwise, they might just find themselves struggling to put away their observational lens and enjoy the moment instead.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.