Bride-To-Be's Family Is Enraged After She Chooses To Have 'Flower Gremlins' Instead Of One Traditional Flower Girl At Her Wedding
A wedding should be about what the people getting married want for their special day, not their family's demands.
Trung Nguyen / Pexels Weddings are a time to celebrate the love and commitment of the couple getting married, but they often become political events, pitting family members against each other. One woman and her fiancé found out just how contentious wedding planning can become, as her family’s expectations didn’t match up with her ideas for her big day.
A bride-to-be’s family was enraged after she decided to have ‘flower gremlins’ instead of a traditional flower girl at her wedding.
The woman wrote to the Washington Post's “Ask Amy” advice column, seeking guidance on how to navigate her family’s aggressive form of disappointment with her wedding day decision.
She explained that she and her fiancé are in the midst of planning their wedding, and chose to have two of her cousins, who are eight and 14, be ushers.
They decided to go a non-traditional route for the flower girl role, inviting the groom-to-be’s cousins, who are between the ages of three and six, to be “flower gremlins.” While she didn't go into details about what being a flower gremlin entails, the name alone evokes a kind of feral joy that could only add resonance to a wedding, especially because the role is being shared among various cousins from both sides.
Photo: Rene Asmussen / Pexels
Yet the bride’s family have expressed how deeply disappointed they are by this decision, and have threatened that they’re “on the brink of cutting [the bride] out of the family.” She explained that her family expected her eight-year-old cousin to be the flower girl, “but they didn’t realize that my fiancé has other family members that we wanted to also be involved in our wedding.”
She added that her cousins would remain as involved in the wedding party as “flower gremlins” as a traditional flower girl, noting that the flower gremlins will “still get ready with the rest of the bridal party, get a corsage [and] boutonniere, and take pictures with us.”
Photo: Barbara Olsen / Pexels
The bride worried that her family would go through with their threat of cutting her out because they’ve done so in the past. She shared, “I was already warned by my mom that if I don’t mend relations with my family, then I will meet the same fate.”
She asked how to mend her relationship with her family, sharing that she and her fiancé felt extremely hurt by their reactions to what should be a very happy day. She said that they “want nothing more than their love and support.”
The advice columnist noted just how generous and thoughtful it was for them to involve so many kids from both sides of the family in their wedding celebration. She added that wedding-day decisions aren’t up to anyone but the two people getting married, no matter how much their families think they should have a final say.
“A more loving family would accept and support your choices,” she stated, even if they’re not into the concept of flower gremlins running around, joyously scattering petals, and bringing the kind of beautiful mayhem only very happy children can bring.
At their core, weddings are for the people getting married and no one else, no matter how much their families believe otherwise.
The mother-of-the-bride might have her own thoughts about the wedding, but threatening the bride with estrangement because she’s not conforming to those wishes is cruel and short-sighted.
The advice columnist spoke to the bride about the need for her to create firm boundaries, especially as “your family has a history of cutting out family members."
“If they would do this over something so trivial, then it might be time for you to stiffen your spine, state your very reasonable intentions and expectations, and refuse to let them manipulate and control you,” she explained.
It seems unlikely that this bride’s family will cease to use this particular form of threat in the future, even if she does change her mind about the flower gremlins, as per her mother’s wishes. Once they see that they can achieve traction through leveraging their relationship, they will most likely do it again.
Photo: mododeolhar / Pexels
Setting boundaries isn’t simple, but it holds huge value for its protective measures, especially within family systems that base their affection off of negotiation and expressions of conditional love.
By creating a unique vision for their wedding day, this bride and her fiancé are building a joyful and inclusive framework to blend their families, and that’s where the focus of their special day should be.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers relationships, pop culture analysis, and all things to do with the entertainment industry.