Bride Wants To Disinvite Her Future Mother-In-Law From The Wedding After She Causes Her Cat's Death, But Her Fiancé Disagrees
It's not really about the cat.
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A. / Shutterstock Getting married involves more than just planning the big day. It also requires thinking about the future, and what’s important to you, and how your values will affect your shared life. It's also about getting along with your future in-laws.
A bride wants to disinvite her future-mother-in-law from the wedding after she causes her cat’s death, but the groom doesn’t agree.
Although the woman's since-deleted post on the r/AmIWrong Reddit thread steered clear of the details about her relationship with her mother-in-law and her cat’s untimely demise, she wrote out a bullet-point list that covered the basics.
She said that she’s “Not that close” to her fiancé’s mom, although her future husband does have a close relationship with her. Their wedding is six months away, and the bride-to-be is rethinking whether the groom’s mom should be allowed to come since she’s responsible for her cat’s death.
As she explained, the pet was “My childhood cat I’ve had for 10 years, strictly indoors, only been outside within [a] netted balcony.”
When she and her fiancé went away, the mother-in-law offered to cat-sit, and she “strongly believes cats should be outdoors.
“We live in a busy suburb next to a highway,” the woman explained. “She lets my cat out, cat gets hit by a car [and] dies.”
“People are telling me I’m overreacting, but I’m standing my ground,” she said, acknowledging that her “future husband is in an awkward position, but I can tell he’s choosing her side.”
“I might be emotional enough to just call it off,” the bride revealed.
She edited her post to add a little more insight, quoting her mother-in-law as saying, “I’m sorry, but cats shouldn’t be trapped indoors. She deserves to be able to explore. How was I supposed to know she would get hit by a car? It’s unfair for you to decide to cut me off; my son has a say.”
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She noted that she was previously aware of her mother-in-law’s stance on cats being outdoor creatures, saying, “I was reluctant to let her cat sit, but my future husband suggested I give her a chance in an attempt to bond.”
“I thought it was a step in the right direction to become family,” she said.
Losing a pet is always emotionally fraught, and to lose one in such a traumatic way makes processing that loss especially difficult.
While it’s unfortunate that her cat died, the issue isn’t really about the cat: It’s about boundaries.
People in the comments decided that she’s not wrong for not wanting her mother-in-law at the wedding, and many urged her to reconsider getting married, at all.
“You need to think long-term,” one person advised. “Banning her from your wedding isn't going to solve anything.”
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“Your ‘partner’ is going to want her in his life,” they continued. “If you have another cat, she's going to be in it. If you have children, she's going to be in it.”
Someone else summed it up succinctly, saying, “You're not just marrying the guy; you're marrying the family too.”
“There’s no need to forgive her, but given your fiancé doesn’t seem prepared to go no contact with his mother then it’s either come up with something that [you] can both live with or call the whole thing off,” another person said.
Making the decision to become estranged from a family member isn’t something that gets done lightly. The only people who have a complete grasp on the underlying emotional dynamics are the woman, her future husband, and her future mother-in-law.
At the core of this situation is the fact that the mother-in-law disregarded the woman’s rules in her own house and refused to take accountability for her actions.
It’s no wonder the woman feels deeply hurt and is rethinking what she wants her life to look like and who she wants to allow in it.
Again, the only people who understand the nuances of their relationship are the bride and groom. Yet, this conflict could foreshadow issues in their future around boundaries and larger conversations they haven’t had yet.
However they choose to proceed, the bride’s wishes are valid. After all, crossing clearly set boundaries comes with consequences, even if the person on the receiving end of those consequences disagrees.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers social issues, pop culture analysis and all things to do with the entertainment industry.