Boy Mom Says Holidays Are 'Not Fair' When Adult Kids Spend More Time At The Wife's Family House Instead Of The Husband's
Moms of boys feel left out, especially during the holidays.
DGLimages / Shutterstock One of the most challenging parts of the holiday season can be determining where to spend your time. There are multiple family members you want to see, and only so much time you can devote to visiting with them.
This becomes even more difficult after marriage. Then there are two families to consider, and the desire to keep everything fair is there.
However, for some reason, it seems that a married couple usually ends up spending more time with the wife’s family than the husband’s. One mother of a boy is speaking out about this issue on TikTok, and trying to give some advice to fellow moms in the process.
A boy mom is helping others in her situation deal with the reality of not getting to spend much time with your son’s family.
Jessica Miller, who goes by the username @mind_yourboundaries on the app, says that she helps others determine “how to set boundaries with parents and in-laws.”
Recently, she received a message from a follower asking how to deal with the sad reality that your son will be spending more time with his wife’s family than with his own during the holidays.
“She wants to know, ‘How can I make it more fair when I’m the mom of the son and they spend all the time during the holidays at my daughter-in-law’s parents’ house?’” Miller said.
This is something that Miller claimed to understand well as she saw it being a part of her future.
“I’m trying to prepare myself for it because… I just know that day is coming, and all we can do is accept it and get what we get,” she stated.
According to Miller, there’s not much you can do to avoid this inevitable outcome. Over time it had become a tradition for moms of sons to get less time with their children than moms of daughters. She admitted, “It is not fair being a boy mom.”
This is not an isolated issue. A reader of the Chicago Tribune wrote into its “Ask Amy” column for advice on this very topic. “Why is it that having male children puts us in second place all of the time?” the advice-seeker asked. “I have three sons and get very sad when it comes to the holidays.”
Amy gave an empathetic answer full of sage wisdom. “I agree that this is a real phenomenon,” she wrote. “I don’t think any of this is fair, but it seems to be the default position of many families.”
Luckily, Amy thinks there is hope for the future. However, it may be slow to come. “This balance is shifting as the ‘traditionally’ assigned roles of parents changes (thank goodness),” she said, “but it might take a generation for parents of sons to see the impact of this change.”
Unfortunately, this change may not be coming soon enough for moms like Miller.
She described the feeling of losing your son to your daughter-in-law’s family in heartbreaking terms: “It’s like you don’t even exist.”
Miller is not the only mom feeling this way. “I hear about it so much in my DMs,” she said. TikTok users who commented on her video also shared her feelings.
“That’s the way it is!” wrote one. “I have three girls so I tell them to make sure they include their [mothers-in-law]! She is equally important!” “3 son mom and it’s not fair!” said another person.
As this issue is brought to light more and more, it also becomes more important to ensure that time is being split equally with all family members on all sides. Everyone deserves to feel loved, especially during the holidays.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer for YourTango who covers entertainment, news, and human interest topics.