America's 'Unschooled' Kids — Wild Heathens Or Assertive Self-Starters?
While unschooling works for many kids and families, it’s not for everyone.
Jacob Lund | Canva There’s a part of me that would’ve preferred returning to work earlier instead of waiting ten years after my first child was born. Also, there’s always been a small part of me that’s resented my slow career growth as a result of my choices.
And if I’m being completely honest, there’s a part of me, somewhere deep down, that wants to run from the house screaming, begging for five minutes of alone time to collect my thoughts. I get excited for the short drive to the grocery store. Because when I’m by myself, I get to choose the radio station. This is my life.
This is my life as a homeschooling mom. This is what I signed up for. But as much as it sounds like complaining, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I honestly wouldn’t change a thing.
In the West, we’re fortunate to have a seemingly endless array of educational opportunities for our kids.
During the pandemic, families had no choice but to start homeschooling. But once the pandemic ended, those families who were dreading the initial changes were some of the same families who decided to continue home education for the long haul.
I’m assuming this happened because families realized the benefits of homeschooling — families saw happier kids who were less stressed. But continuing to home-educate post-pandemic wasn’t a viable option for everyone — financial constraints or work-related barriers being likely factors — as not all families can afford to have one parent stay home.
Educating our children is a luxury not afforded by all. I get it. I understand firsthand how financially constraining homeschooling can be. We’ll soon be entering our last homeschooling year for the foreseeable future due to rising costs and a strained budget.
So, even though we’ve been homeschooling for the majority of my kids’ educational careers, it’s an era that’s coming to an end for us.
I should feel sad, and a part of me does, but I’m also excited for the next chapter in our family’s life and beyond grateful we were able to home-educate in the first place.
If you’ve heard of homeschooling, you’ve probably also heard of unschooling. In our family, our kids have done it all: public school abroad, public school at home, homeschooling, unschooling, and back to homeschooling again.
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Homeschooling, simply put, is home education.
However, homeschooling can look vastly different for different families depending on family size, location, curriculum preferences, social and extracurricular engagement, and available resources. Some homeschooling families are regimented, while some are more relaxed. Some families intertwine faith and education; others don’t.
There are homeschool groups, co-ops, and even homeschool academies that exist alongside public school systems, employing certified teachers who lead fun, extracurricular activities.
In a nutshell, how parents choose to home-educate varies — unschooling being just one option for those who choose to explore it. Homeschooling families tend to follow a curriculum while unschooling is more lax, even void of what we’ve come to view as traditional teacher/student roles and traditional education.
While unschooling works for many kids and families, it’s not for everyone.
With unschooling, kids have more autonomy and can choose what they do each day; which activities to partake in, what games to play, what and how often to read; these are all choices left up to the kids themselves with very little ‘policing’ from parents.
It’s called unschooling simply because there’s no curriculum and no set schedule. From the outside, it may seem that unschooled kids aren’t learning at all, but they are learning, I can assure you.
As a family, we’ve come to discover that kids learn best while playing. Unschooling can be as simple as parents introducing a variety of play-based activities throughout the day.
Aside from extra playtime for kids and less pressure on parents, there are many benefits of unschooling. We’ve transitioned from unschooling toward a more traditional homeschool approach and back again. We’ve done it all and have altered course depending on the specific needs of our family at any given time.
During times of unschooling, my kids experience more autonomy, which is hugely important for their self-esteem and development.
I watch them beam with pride when they’ve completed a project or finished a chapter book and their pride is heightened when it’s a project or book they’ve chosen to take on themselves. In a world ruled by adults, what a nice feeling for a child to have a say in their day-to-day activities- to take control over a portion of their time. Because it is their time, after all.
Just because they’re children, doesn’t mean they aren’t capable of choosing wisely. By allowing my children to take charge, my time is free. During our unschooling periods, I feel more like an educational ‘facilitator’ rather than a ‘teacher.’
We’ve been doing the same thing long enough that my kids know the drill and know what’s expected of them. While my kids are learning, I’m able to attend to other tasks that require my attention and I feel less pressure throughout the day.
Of course, I’m around to assist or answer questions if they need my help, but I’m not hovering over them waiting for the work to get done. Some days they choose not to do any schoolwork, and that’s okay, too.
Research has shown that homeschooled children's social skills scores were consistently higher than those of public school students.
This leads me to one of my favorite aspects of unschooling: way more free time for the kids.
With no curriculum to adhere to and no ‘schedule’ to keep, kids can focus on, well, being kids. This fact alone opens more doors for them- more experiences.
Both my older kids acted in plays this year for the first time. They learned about set development and costume design. They learned pottery, and woodworking, and even took a botany class. They continue to take piano and drum lessons.
My daughter takes ballet three days per week and my son’s into mountain biking and golfing. They both ski during the winter, too. This may sound like a lot, but these extracurricular activities don’t feel like a burden on our time, because we have so much to spare.
We’re no longer slaves to the public school system nor are we tied to a specific curriculum. Our kids can explore whatever interests they may have, at their leisure. Our days are flexible, ever-changing, and always interesting.
If you are bored easily at the thought of monotony, then unschooling might be worth a try. I love not knowing where our days will lead and our children are rarely ‘bored.’
Peer-reviewed studies on academic achievement show homeschooled students perform statistically significantly better than those in institutional schools, typically scoring 15 to 25 percentile points above public-school students on standardized academic achievement tests.
We can travel whenever we choose. We go camping, visit grandparents, or simply pick a random location and go. On days when one or more of our children are sick, we don’t have to stress about missing school or about which parent will stay home and miss work to take care of the kids.
We just take life one day at a time, which is a pretty awesome approach to life, in general. No pressure, and maximum flexibility.
The final and probably most important benefit of unschooling is the amount of time we get to spend as a family.
The five of us are together all day, every day. You’d think we’d get sick of each other, but honestly, I rarely have those moments where I want to flee (they exist, I’m only human after all — but they’re rare). I believe our lifestyle has brought us closer as a family.
My two older children enjoy playing together and come up with the most beautifully creative games. We’ve grown together as a family and, despite the initial growing pains, we’ve conquered difficulties together and have entered a comfortable daily groove.
There’s something satisfying about knowing my children are always nearby, safe, well-cared for, and happy. And I’m happy because they’re happy. And what’s better than that?
Shlee Spielman is an aimless learner, experimental writer, pseudo-professional home chef, dog mom, cat mom, kid mom, and wife. She writes on mental health, wellness, self-improvement, and perspective.