Adult Daughter Calls Her 50-Year-Old Mom 'Selfish' For Putting Stress On Her Family By Wanting To Go Back To School
She claims that her mother has already put their family through financial ruin.
Monkey Business Images | Shutterstock A young woman cannot help but feel angry at her mother for going back to school after her original career goals did not go as planned.
According to the woman, she, her sister, and their mother have been living with her grandparents in one bedroom for most of her life due to their financial situation.
Now that she is going back to school, the woman believes that her mother is making a selfish choice since she will drive them even further into debt.
The woman believes that her 50-year-old mother is ‘selfish’ by going back to school for the fourth time.
Sharing her story to Reddit, the 22-year-old woman asked others if her feelings about her mother returning to school are valid.
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She explained that before she was born, her mother went to college to obtain her teaching degree. After working as a teacher for a few years, she ended up getting pregnant with her daughter by an underage student.
“She couldn't teach after this; no school would hire her,” the woman wrote.
After she was born, the woman and her mother moved in with her grandparents and became a stay-at-home mom to the woman and her sister for the next ten years.
“My grandparents aren't well off financially; their house is small, so we (me, Mom, sister) all had to share a room,” the woman shared. “My mom depended on my grandparents to care for us financially as she couldn’t work.”
Eventually, the woman’s grandparents were able to add a second story to their barn and build an apartment for the three of them to live in.
A few years later, the woman’s mother returned to school to get an associate’s degree to become an LPN. Luckily, she was able to land a job after graduating.
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However, a couple of years ago, her mother decided that she wanted to pursue other passions and get her Master’s degree in English. She began working part-time as an LPN so that she could focus on her courses.
Unfortunately, after graduating, she was unable to find a job using her English degree. So she decided to go another route to the dismay of her daughter.
“A few months ago, she told me she will be going back to school AGAIN, to get her Masters in Nursing. She hopes to do the same job she is doing now and make more money as an RN vs LPN,” the woman wrote.
“Right now she does online school, but next Spring she will quit her job so she can go to school full time. “She said she would sell her car as she wouldn’t be able to afford it, and my grandparents would give her their car and still pay the insurance so my mom could drive to campus.”
While the woman’s grandparents are not thrilled that they have to give up their car, they believe it is not their place to advise their daughter otherwise.
However, the woman feels differently.
“I want to tell my Mom that she should just keep her job as an LPN and that going back to school again at 54 is stupid and selfish,” she wrote. “I feel like this will only put her into debt, and she should focus on helping my grandparents with bills.”
The woman’s grandmother however is insisting that she bite her tongue and support her mother in going back to school to avoid tension.
Most people believed that the woman’s concerns were valid, considering everything her mother put her and her grandparents through.
“Typically, I wouldn’t discourage anyone from getting an education, but this circumstance is… not good,” one Redditor commented. “Why do your grandparents feel so obligated to let her mooch? They need to plant their boundaries. She is walking all over them.”
“She made choices that caused her to be in the place she is (I mean, it's great she had you and that she wants to get more education), but it's the fact that she is leeching off your grandparents who should be using their money to take care of themselves,” another user wrote.
“Someone needs to knock some sense into her she's been leeching off her parents long enough, and you should make a stand,” another shared.
However, some people argued that saying anything to her mother was pointless since she likely wouldn’t listen to her daughter.
“It’s not likely your mom will listen to you, and your grandma is correct that it would probably create needless friction since they're going to do what they want to anyways,” one user noted.
“It might be better to just let them try their thing, and you should focus more on having your own successful future.”
It can be hard to focus on your future when you did not have the best parental influence or financial situation growing up.
While going back to school is a great way to enhance your knowledge and open more career opportunities in your specific field, there are considerations you should not ignore.
How will you pay off your student loans? If you are a parent, who will look after the children while you’re attending classes? Will you be able to afford all your textbooks and study materials? Do you have the time and flexibility to go to school?
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Sometimes, you cannot go back to school simply because that is what you want to do. You have to consider what is best for your family.
However, if it is truly something you want to pursue, there are ways to make it work while being fair to those who are around you.
You can pick up extra shifts on days you don’t have classes to pay off your tuition. You can arrange ride plans for your kids on the days you won’t be able to pick them up from school.
There is certainly a way to make it work if you want to earn your degree without financially disrupting your family.
And if it is your fourth time getting a degree, you should have a plan figured out to a science!
Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.