8 Simple Ways To Increase Your Sex Drive (And Discover Your DEEPEST Desires)

As women, we have been programmed to NOT look at or acknowledge our own desires.

This has begun to shift slightly, perhaps generationally, but I bet if you ask the woman sitting next to you about desire, about her own desire, she’d be hard-pressed to give you a clear answer. I don’t think this is a question we’ve been groomed to ask ourselves: 

“What is it that I want?”

And if we do get an inkling about a desire, how often do we shut it down before giving it full consideration?

“Oh, I couldn’t possibly” or, “No, I don’t deserve that.”

Here’s the thing —  if we don’t know what we want, how can we possibly get it? How’s that for being in a bind?

But there IS something we can do to combat this problem.

First, you have to give yourself permission to actually want something.

Then you have to give yourself permission to build that desire muscle. It’s not selfish. Okay ... it IS selfish. But not selfish in the way that you think.

Women who are selfish enough to learn about their own desires, who dare to ask, and who then open themselves up to receive, are women that are real, authentic and contributing in ways they would never have dreamed they could.

To help you get started, here are 8 simple and moving towards daring ways to build your own desire muscle:

1. Acknowledge when you want something.

Even if it’s only to yourself, and even if you know you can’t have it in the moment, acknowledge anything that feels clear to you.

Acknowledgment in and of itself is powerful. So even if you’d rather have someone else put the kids to bed tonight, and you know that’s not possible, even admitting it to yourself gives you clarity about one thing you want!

Maybe you'd rather have someone else grocery shop for you, or you want to go to bed right now, or you want to go out and dance —  what are some things you won’t admit you want?

2. Please yourself in small ways.

Buy yourself flowers. Draw yourself a beautiful-smelling tub. Take the scenic route to work.

3. Meditate.

There is nothing like quieting your mind of the monkey chatter, so that you might actually hear what it is that you truly want.

4. Get a massage.

Allow your skin to be nourished by the touch of another, whether it’s a paid professional masseuse or a partner or friend. Touch grounds us and brings us back into our bodies.

5. Wear something that feels good on your skin.

Be aware that desire is facilitated by pleasure.

6. Masturbate often.

Take it on as a practice. Men have typically enjoyed this practice much more often than women have.

What would happen if we let go of old programming and tried this one on for awhile?

7. Give yourself a Yoni Massage.

Yoni is the Sanskrit word for vulva or sacred space. Explore and nurture this whole area with curiosity and love.

This is a separate practice from masturbation. Maybe it feels safer to start here. Women hold so much in our Yonis, sometimes it’s best to see what exactly we are holding here.

8. Practice Orgasmic Meditation.

Orgasmic Meditation requires a partner who is willing to do it with you. It also requires a class to learn it. You can find all you need to know online if it’s calling you.

More from Michele Brookhaus: 5 Ways To Make Sure Your Sex Life Doesn't Die After 50

We don’t always know what it is we desire. But there are ways to find out.

Oh yeah —  and it’s okay if desires change over time or in the moment. Just because we want something one day, doesn’t mean we’ll want it the next.

The point is that to have clarity sometimes we just have to try stuff. So go ahead ... get tryin!

Michele Brookhaus RSHom(NA), CCH is a homeopathic practitioner who has developed a lubricating gel called Yoni’s Bliss. She knows where desire starts, and can help you get there too!