13 Proactive Things Smart People Do To Meet 'The One'
How to find yourself to find love.
sturti | Canva If you're tired of never getting a date, or wondering, "Will I be single forever?" all the time, then it's time for you to change your approach when it comes to dating.
If you're ready to find a great relationship that could lead to lasting love, you need to take stock of all the issues that could be holding you back from getting a date.
Are you afraid you’ll never have the right man in your life? A man who loves and cherishes you? Do you long for a man who wants to commit to you fully and actually marry you?
If he hasn’t shown up yet, it may be because you’re unknowingly keeping love away. Just making a small change in your behavior can create a big change in your love life.
Here are 13 proactive things smart singles do to meet 'the one:'
1. Don’t rush into anything — be patient.
Being single, it’s hard not to feel desperate and needy, but being impatient causes frustration and stress.
Take it slow. Let things happen. Let go of the outcome. Trust that everything will work out.
Hold the thought that the man who is right for you will show up at the right time and place. With patience, you’ll be happier and more available to receive the gift of love when it shows up.
2. "Feed" your soul.
Find a positive spiritual practice or teaching. Negative and hopeless people are not attractive. They repel love and make themselves and others miserable.
It’s hard to stay positive if you tell yourself the same negative messages over and over again.
According to research, chronic stress and negative thinking can decrease the volume of our hippocampus.
Give yourself quick access to books, CDs, movies, music, food, wine and people that can support you, make you happy, keep you positive and in balance, and help you stay hopeful.
3. Look, don't judge.
Observe before you jump to any conclusions. Stop rushing to judgment with the men you meet. Stop assuming the negative. It is a turn-off that chases people away.
Mother Teresa says, “If you judge other people you have no time to love them.” Wake up! Open your eyes to every man who you meet and you might just meet the love of your life.
4. Do what makes you happy.
Put your happiness first. Avoid looking for love in all the wrong places. Go where you enjoy the locations and get involved in the activities that you really enjoy. Have a good time.
That’s when you will be most naturally attractive and that’s when the right man will turn up.
5. Establish boundaries and stick to them.
Define your expectations. Write them down. Know when someone is right for you and know when it’s time to drop everything and run away. Establish “rules” and use them to keep you safe.
You won’t fly with the eagles if you hang around with the turkeys. Know when to say no. Then say "Next!"
6. Change things up.
Love won’t necessarily walk into your life if you only do things where you feel safe. Doing the same things repeatedly and expecting a new result is insanity defined.
To get a new outcome you need to do new things. Shake things up.
Ask yourself what you’ve been afraid of doing. It’s usually the exact thing you need to get revitalized. Try a yoga or cooking class. Go to the library. Join a health club or hiking group. Help out in your community.
Pexels / Prasanth Inturi
Try something different. Learn something new. Meet new people who like what you like.
7. Remodel your space.
Creating the right environment at work and at home sets the stage for love. Your office is your fortress and your home is your sanctuary! Reflect on who you are.
Surround yourself with things that are beautiful to you and that make you feel good. In particular, make your bedroom inviting and restful.
Improving your environment so you feel good tells anyone you invite in for a visit that you’re confident and worthy of their attention and effort.
8. Free yourself from the past.
Come to terms with your past relationships. Learn the lessons they have for you. Forgive yourself and everyone else associated with the pain of the past. It’s a learning curve and everyone has one! Set yourself free.
Forgive people for the pain they caused. Forgive yourself for causing people pain! Let it all go and you will no longer be a victim of the past!
9. Be kind to everyone.
There is no love without kindness. People instantly recognize and are attracted to kindness. If you learn how to be kind to people, whether you’re attracted to them or not, you will find that people, and especially the right man, will be drawn to you.
10. Get outside of your comfort zone.
When you’re dating, speak up for yourself, honor your boundaries, and tell the truth. Show you have the strength of character and conviction.
Let people see that you aren’t afraid to face fear. Don’t shy away from a challenge.
Stare reality and the tough situations it often brings straight in the face. You will learn that you can take care of yourself.
11. Be truthful with yourself.
Stop telling yourself little lies. Don’t make excuses for anyone’s bad behavior. Call it the way you see it. Don’t ignore red flags that are screaming at you that something or someone is wrong for you. Don’t waste precious time. “Know the truth and it will set you free.”
12. Honor your inner voice.
Trust your intuition! Listen to the voice inside your head. Don’t let outside influences mislead you. Friends and family mean well, but they don’t always know what’s in your best interest.
Don’t rely on astrologers and psychics to tell you what’s right for you. Carefully evaluate and weigh all the advice you receive from any and all sources. Come to your own conclusions and trust your own inner knowing.
13. Love yourself.
You won’t find a man who can truly love you if you don’t love yourself first. Until you have self-love you won’t have love to give and you can’t give what you don’t have. Don’t expect a man’s love to give you what you should be giving yourself — that will make you needy.
There are benefits to loving ourselves. With self-love comes higher confidence levels, more motivation, less anxiety, better sleep, and more, according to research.
When you fall in love with you, you’ll be ready to meet a man who feels the same way. You’ll be able to accept a man’s love easily as the beautiful gift it is.
If you use these tips to approach being single you’ll have the love you’ve been seeking faster than you ever thought possible!
Virginia Clark is a relationship coach with decades of experience. She's the author of It's Never Too Late To Marry: How to Have the Man and the Marriage of Your Dreams.