You Can't Help Who You Fall In Love With, Right?

There’s a myth perpetrated in TV and Film that says we can't help who we fall in love with, that it just happens. Do you believe it? Have you ever said this to yourself about a relationship?

I’ve heard these words from new clients, especially the ones who are in relationships with inappropriate men.

They say, "I wasn't looking for a relationship with… [a married man, a work alcoholic, or fill in the blank--] it just happened. I couldn't help myself."

Have you ever caught yourself trying to explain to a friend or family member that, “I just fell in love, I couldn’t help myself?” If this is you please know this is just an excuse you’re telling yourself. It’s not the truth.

I’ve learned this lesson the hard way, which I describe in my book, "It's Never too Late to Marry." I write about how I got involved with an alcoholic and the devastating effect it had on my life. I told myself I wasn’t looking for a man with problems, but when I met him I couldn't help falling in love with him, it just happened.

If you're in a relationship where you’re putting up with bad behavior because "you love him and you just can't help yourself," I challenge you to look more closely at your true feelings. Are you really in love with an open heart or do you have to keep a piece of it protected? Do you trust this man to always act in your best interest? Real love can't exist when there isn't trust and respect and an inappropriate man can't give you either.

So how do you keep yourself from letting love 'just happen' to you? It will be a challenge. You’ll be meeting plenty of inappropriate men; they're everywhere. And you may be attracted to one and the thought of falling for him may be tempting.

But you don't have to follow that urge and get involved. Just because you feel something doesn't mean you should act on it. Your excuse "I couldn't help myself," won't help you feel better when you're miserable and heartbroken.

That you can't help who you fall in love with is a myth and if you believe it you’re in for a lot of heartache. Who you give your heart to will affect every aspect of your life. Don’t let yourself be blinded by your need for love. Don't give up your common sense in the name of romance.