Blindsided: When You Date A "Runaway Man"
Don't blame yourself we've all been dumped this way.
You can misread a man’s intentions and character when you've only dated for a short time. Even the most savvy women can fall for what I call a “runaway man” and not realize it until it’s too late.
As much as you would like to believe in love at first sight and believe that the great chemistry you feel with a new man is lasting — the truth is that when you date it takes time to truly know someone.
My client Debbie just had this experience, “He was so into me and then he just disappeared! I thought I’d finally met the perfect man. What did I do wrong?”
Her experience is not unique, I had my own heartbreaking experience with a runaway man. A runaway man has a particular pattern of behavior. He draws you in by telling you he feels a powerful connection; that he has never felt anything like it before. He can’t believe his luck in finding you. He starts to drop hints about the future and you begin to imagine yourself already married to him.
He pursues you and flatters you and everything is just the way you imagined it would be. When you date it feels so right you get intimate earlier than you’d planned. He’s convinced you that he cares; he’s done everything right.
But then, out of the blue when it’s time to see him again, he doesn’t show up. He doesn’t reply to your texts or messages. You begin to panic, something must have happened to him. But there’s a gnawing feeling that begins to rise in you and you begin to suspect the truth.
He’s done the unthinkable: He played you and then he dumped you. He disappears without a word, leaving you devastated, confused and betrayed.
You do an “autopsy” of your time together; trying to remember everything he said, looking for clues. Like a detective, you draw a mental “timeline” of your short relationship. But trying to figure him out will drive you crazy.
Asking what you did wrong is not going to give you the answer. Why? Because he’s leaving WAS NOT ABOUT YOU!
You assume that he thinks like you do so the reason he left must have to do with you. Men who come on so strongly and leave so abruptly are not thinking about you!
He’s not thinking about your feelings or the impact that his actions will have on you. He’s only looking out for himself and you’re unimportant once they’ve decided to disconnect.
So don’t waste time blaming yourself, anyone can fall for this kind of runaway man when you date. They are good at disappearing because they’ve had a lot of practice.
I know it’s hard to wrap your mind around this kind of behavior, it seems so selfish and hurtful. It is, and realizing that should make you breathe a sigh of relief that he is out of your life.
Virginia Clark is a relationship coach with decades of experience. She's the author of It's Never Too Late To Marry: How to Have the Man and the Marriage of Your Dreams.