How I Honor My Dad On Father's Day (And Every Day)

My own father died right after Father's Day — a story that has taken some time to be able to tell but which you can read more about. While, in general, we do not think about the mortality of our parents, my father's death was particularly difficult for a number of reasons (not the least of which was that he was only 60 and had not been particularly sick). It took time for me to be at peace with myself since he drove hundreds of miles to celebrate Father's Day with me — and ended up having a heart attack.

It was a visit that I had been looking forward to and I had planned just the right things that he should enjoy. I never planned on his unexpected suffering and seeing his labored breaths. Then, I was alone in the hospital when decisions had to be made about his care. At that point, his death was still many days away, but I had my last conversation with my dad. Over the next days, my mom and sister would join me. In the end, we would make decisions together about the end of my dad's life. Inside, I was wrestling with guilt for having him drive out to see me, anger at systems that did not work the way they should and a tempering of it all from my professional background.

We each grieve in our own ways and in our own time. In my family, my mother and sister were worried about the fact that I did not cry a lot in public. While I was not in my role of chaplain or in my role as a pastoral counselor, my ways of handling things professionally were playing out as I dealt with this situation in my personal life. Perhaps this was reinforced by the fact that I am an introvert and did my best processing of my loss and grief when I was alone. What I have come to realize is that Father's Day is a day that highlights the honor I already give to my father throughout the year. It is not the only day to give honor. Rather, it is the day to bring that routine honor to the forefront. I have come to realize that there is a link between honoring my dad and honoring God as Father. Let me explain this with a couple of examples from my own life:

As we move towards Father's Day this year, organ transplantation is a big piece in the news, in part because the organs and tissues needed for life-giving purposes continues to be greater than the voluntary supply of these organs and tissues. There are many reasons behind this. My father, when he was alive, worked to raise awareness of this problem and spoke in many churches to get people to sign up to be organ and tissue donors. Unfortunately, the medical staff did not listen to us as a family when we talked about organ donation (and in reality, many of his organs may have been excluded based on what he faced at the end of his life) so my father was not an organ donor. But we were assertive as a family and were able to help many people through tissue donation (which follows a different timeline). We also designated memorial gifts to go to the organ procurement organization. Keep reading...

More Father's Day content from YourTango:

• 4 Father's Day Facts Every Daughter Should Know
• This Father's Day, I Don't Need A Thing
• Father's Day Gift Guide: Ideas For All The Dads In Your Life

About a year after my father's death, I had the opportunity to be part of a pilot project that was working to increase the possible pool of organ donors. In joining this project, I was doing something that I believed in but I was also giving honor to my father. I realized that this is something that my father would have been very pleased that I was doing. At the same time, I also realized that within my own spirituality, the service that I was providing to families and the work to try and save lives was also something that was pleasing to my heavenly Father as well. The same action offers honor to God and to my father.

Another way that I honor my father in everyday life is that I try to live my life based on the principles and values that I was raised with. My father imparted strong positive direction in my life and lived his own life in a way that it is a good example to look to when making decisions. Talking to my sister, I know that we both still look to have conversations with Dad when we are faced with challenging decisions in life. While he is not there to answer the phone, he is still alive inside of me for me to have a conversation with and so often I know the advice that he would give. Just as I honor my dad when I live my life in these ways, by living my life in ways that is consistent with the yearnings I sense from my heavenly Father, I also offer honor to God. This aspect of honoring by living lives consistent with the basis on which we were raised or called to aspire to is a very significant way to both honor and praise fathers.

While there may be particular things you chose to do on Father’s Day when your father is dead, such as flowers or going somewhere special, the best way to show honor on this day is to highlight and emphasize the way you bring honor to your father every day of your life. When you do this, your Father's Day celebration will be part of bringing you to find wholeness and peace and to keeping it.