3 Ways To Manage Rejection In Your Relationship — So You Don't Push Your Partner Away
An expert guide for turning rejection into reconnection.
Mladen Mitrinovic | Shutterstock Your partner doesn't have to walk out on you or file for divorce for you to feel rejected. They might close down and refuse to talk when something is bothering them. They may consistently turn down your invitations to be physically intimate.
They could confide in a close friend things they don't tell you. They might refuse your help and advice, even when you have experience or expertise that could be of benefit.
Rejection can seem to be a personal thing. It can appear that your partner is turning their back on you. It can seem like your partner is letting you know you are not enough. The real trick with rejection is not to let it ruin you and your relationship.
Three ways to manage feelings of rejection in your relationship — so you don't push your partner away
1. Re-think the rejection
The same series of events and the same conversation can be perceived differently. This is not to say you're making up or inventing the rejection.
We encourage you to ask yourself if there are possibly different ways to look at what happened. Is this as personal of a rejection of you as you think?
This is an important question. In the majority of cases, one person in a relationship will feel rejected when the other person does not mean the words or actions to be a rejection. There could be a host of other factors going on for your partner. Take the time to separate the tangible and observable facts from how you are interpreting those facts. This can be a challenge. Try it anyway.
You're likely to find you're not being rejected after all. There are possibly some real issues you and your partner need to address, but it may not be a case of you being rejected.
2. Determine what's true for you
After rethinking the rejection, you may decide that you weren't rejected. This probably doesn't mean all is happy and well with your relationship.
If you feel disconnected, ignored, or in conflict with your partner, it's time to get clear about that. What is true for you about your relationship right now?
While you can't know what's true for your partner, don't get sucked into thinking you do. You can know how you feel and what you want. What are your priorities? What habits are you willing to work on?
Take responsibility for your feelings and habits, then come up with ideas for what you might change. For example, you might experiment with new ways to support your stressed-out partner and listen to what they need instead of pushing the help you think is needed onto your mate.
3. Learn from what happened
There are times when a rejection is directly related to you and your behaviors. While your partner might not have intended to hurt your feelings or to reject you, this is the effect.
Even when it is personal, you can still rebound and reconnect with your partner. The key here is to acknowledge your feelings which might include sadness, anger, irritation, embarrassment, and more, then learn from what happened.
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For instance, if your partner turns down your invitations for intimacy regularly and you find out that it is because of you, this can be challenging to handle. Your choice not to shut down but to find a way to work together to improve the situation can make all the difference.
Have the courage to ask your partner what you could do that might help them feel more turned on. Your partner might like more touching, a different position, or a more emotional connection.
The answer to whatever problems you and your partner face could be relatively simple and easy, but you can't make any changes or experience any improvements if you haven't learned from the situation.
Even if the course of action called for is more involved, find the courage to get more information from your partner and then open up to the learning and change that can bring you closer together.
Susie and Otto Collins are Certified Transformative Coaches who help awaken love and possibilities in your life.