11 Tiny Signs Your Relationship Is Healthier Than 98% Of Other Couples
Do you and your partner value your relationship in the same way?-
G-Stock Studio / Shutterstock Are you wondering what the signs of a healthy relationship or marriage are? There are quite a few that you need to look for to ensure you're compatible with your spouse or partner. Finding the right mate for a successful relationship requires knowing and valuing yourself, in addition to understanding what you want. You tend to attract the same level of self-esteem in your mate that you have in yourself. It’s not a guessing game if you know what you want and also have those same qualities. I am not saying you two need to be the same person. However, you need to have a lot in common to share a life.
Here are 11 signs your relationship is healthier than 98% of couples
1. You both feel valued and respected
When you feel valued and respected by your partner, you're more likely to value and respect them as well. After all, they become the most important adult in your life. You want to feel that they admire who you are. Feeling respected by your mate means having someone who believes in you and wants you to be happy in life. They support your decisions and are there to assist you in meeting your goals. You feel admired. This is your special person in the world. You want to know they admire and respect who you are, but each of you needs to demonstrate this to the other. You both are each other's fan club!
2. You enjoy many of the same activities
Part of a successful relationship involves having things in common. This is important because you need to spend quality time together to feel connected. A great way to do this is to share some activities that you both like.
It’s always a great idea to expand your tastes. So over time, you may find that by each of you trying some of your mate’s favorite activities you develop new ways of enjoying each other’s company. You don’t have to spend most of your time together. Pick activities you both enjoy and then also do your own thing.
By having your interests you each have more to share about your day. Also, you both can bring your friends together for a barbecue or party where they can meet each other as well! This way you are also expanding ways to share time.
3. You demonstrate your happiness
Feeling valued by your mate is a necessary component of feeling connected and that you matter to one another. This is the person you will rely upon in life to make healthy choices. You want to feel valued by your special person because he means the most to you and you value him as well.
You can demonstrate this in a variety of ways. You consult each other when buying furniture, or certainly a house or car. Where do you want to travel? Do you want a career or do you want to stay home with the kids? When you don’t feel you matter to your mate, you can feel demeaned, devalued, and deeply hurt. After all, this is the person you most care about and want to please and share your life with. This is how you build trust in your mate.
4. You share the same values
How you live your life depends upon your values. Honesty, helpfulness, selfishness, and generosity all make a difference in how you make decisions and relate to others. It even defines how you value yourself and others.
How does your mate treat others? Is this similar to your style? How does it make you feel? Do you want someone who lives on the edge, or makes concrete plans over time? How do they treat people in general, and especially you? Your values define how you live your life and vice versa. To share a life with someone, your values will determine your life choices along the way.
5. You're comfortable with each other's desires
Physical intimacy is important in a romantic relationship. It can increase closeness and emotional intimacy and ideally, it's something only the two of you share. The two of you must be comfortable with both of your intimate practices. This is not always the case, however. When it isn’t naturally the same, the couple needs to find compromises that are acceptable to both partners. This is not only about particular practices but how often it occurs.
Now, the challenge is to match each other’s preferences as much as possible. Statistically speaking, women want or need to feel emotionally connected before being intimate. Men, however, most often statistically speaking, feel more emotionally connected through being intimate.
6. You share money management ideas
Money issues can cause frequent arguments if the two of you are not on the same page. How each of you spends or saves money can easily be a hot topic that causes friction, or brings you together in terms of your goals. Are you a saver and more conservative? Or are you more impulsive? How you spend your money depends upon how you live your life. If conservative, do you prefer to eat well or do you save your money for clothes or travel?
Issues can involve smaller details such as when you pay your bills. Do you wait until the deadline or pay ahead of time to avoid the worry of forgetting to pay at all? Do you prefer to pay off debt? Or does acquired debt not worry you at all? It doesn’t need to match across the board, but on a larger scale, your financial picture as a couple will likely be a mixture of both of your habits. However, if this is not agreed upon in some manner, your credit may negatively affect your mate or vice versa.
7. You can talk through issues even when you don't agree
This is a tough one, but a necessary skill to have in place in deciding upon a committed relationship. Life happens to all of us. Whether you can talk through issues effectively and still maintain feeling connected afterward can deeply affect your relationship. The more comfortable you feel in talking through things will also determine in part, the stability of your relationship. Again, it requires respecting one another’s opinions and wanting to find a middle ground that's good for both of you. It's not about who's right or wrong!
To do this, you want to stay away from judging one another and focus more on a solution both of you can live with. There will be times when one person is happier with the decision than the other. However, this needs to be reciprocated another time down the road. When not in full agreement, focus on the compromise. Successful relationships involve good communication.
8. Your religious beliefs are compatible
Whether you are religious or not, if faith is involved, it needs to be respected by the other person. When faith is practiced by one or both it often becomes a part of the lifestyle of a person. This doesn’t mean that the mate must share this belief or practice. But it’s important to demonstrate respect for the partner’s belief. It may be different in how this looks, but the bottom line is that each partner feels respected about their particular beliefs.
Is it okay with you if your mate does not practice or share your religious beliefs? What if you have different faiths and churches? You will need to find a way to make this work for both of you. If you want to have kids one day, you must discuss and agree upon the role religion will play in their lives, and how they will reconcile any differences in your practices.
9. You share goals about kids
When one partner wants kids and the other partner does not or doesn’t want to be actively involved, this presents a challenge.
This presents a very difficult challenge if the woman gets pregnant. Was it done on purpose, with the hope that the partner would “grow” to want to be a parent? Or was it an accidental pregnancy? It usually doesn’t work out very well either way.
It’s important to talk about whether to have kids or not and when. Both partners need to be on the same side. I’m not saying that everyone should already know fully whether to be a parent or not. However, this can be life-changing in a relationship and needs to be fully and honestly discussed earlier than later.
It’s common for someone to not feel strongly about parenthood one way or another. But if the couple can discuss this together, they may find an answer to that question together.
10. You agree on parenting styles
Most often, parents tend to balance each other in their parenting styles. The most important thing is to work together as parents. One parent works in “harmony” with the other in terms of support. But your styles need to complement one another for them to work well.
Regardless of the method, you and your partner need to be on the same page. It doesn’t work when one parent is the “good” cop and the other parent is seen as the “bad” cop — especially if it was not mutually agreed upon by both parents. Regardless of the parenting style, it needs to be consistent.
11. You have similar life goals
Some people might have a long-term plan of moving to Italy one day when their kids are grown. Another might be planning on staying locally wherever the grown kids are with their own families. These are not the same plans and would be tricky to combine.
I know it seems way far off in the distance and plans can easily change. However, sometimes family dynamics can have precedence over other plans, wanted or otherwise. It’s good to talk things out just to see where you both currently are regarding the future. It’s also fun to talk about your dreams with each other. You never know where they will take you!
Successful relationships are about being friends, admiring each other, and feeling fortunate that you found the right mate. If the two of you can discuss these subjects then you are off to a great start in terms of being with the right mate!
Susan Saint-Welch, LMFT is a marriage and family psychotherapist who has been practicing in-person and online for over 20 years. She helps radiant, single men and women get unstuck and find the lasting love they deserve.