How To Have Steamy Phone & WebCam Sex With The Person You Love

Getting it on virtually with your boyfriend or girlfriend can seem intimidating, but knowing how to have phone sex, FaceTime sex or Skype sex can heat things up for couples in long distance relationships and quickly become something you both enjoy ... a lot.

Even if distance isn't an issue for you and the person you love, virtual sex can be a fun way to spice things up and explore sexual fantasies in the context of your relationship.

Getting up the courage to try having some steamy, long-distance cyber-sex for the first time can be challenging for even the most empowered women, especially if you're a woman who is naturally shy or was raised to show restraint at all times.

To avoid any awkwardness, here are 5 tips on how to have hot phone sex (or virtual sex via FaceTime or Skype) with the man you love from a distance.

1. Become his inspiration

Many men feel they have to do all the "heavy lifting” in relationships when it comes to getting you in the mood, getting you excited, and even thinking up and acrobatically moving you into a variety of different positions during sex.

For some men, it seems like an endless struggle, as though they're like Sisyphus, the king of Corinth in Greek mythology, who was forced to roll an immense boulder up a hill, only for it to roll back down when it approached the top, on a repeating cycle forever.

Try putting yourself in his shoes. Have you ever worked hard to please a guy who just wasn't having it no matter what you tried?

Being a joyous, ecstatic and appreciative lover makes each sexual experience more thrilling than the last for both of you.

2. Be responsive

Phone sex is typically initiated by the man. He’s alone and the two of you are either at a physical distance or haven’t reached the in-person sex phase yet.

Many men expect they'll have to be the one who initiates this kind of virtual love-making, and they’re typically happy to do so. But ... what if you kicked it up a notch by making a conscious effort to be more open and engaged?

Try starting off just as excited as he is, which is easier to do if you get yourself into the mood before the call begins.

This one simple strategy can make you unforgettable, which is one step closer to being irreplaceable in a man's eyes.

3. Tap into your "gold medal" memories

Most of us have at least a few memories of favorite sexual experiences from our past that were so sizzling, so perfect and so intense you can't help but to think of them over and over again.

Whether you made these memories with your current boyfriend or not, try tapping into and re-experiencing them to get yourself in the mood before you call, Skype or FaceTime him. You'll feel sexy and inspired.

When you start off at least 75 percent excited, it’s easy to push both of you way up to the highest summit of thrills.

4. Explore each other's sexual fantasies

One of the best ways to get steamy is to ask your partner to describe his favorite sexual fantasies — what he wants to do with you most and how he would like to do it.

Of course, he'll want to hear your fantasies, too, which makes for a sexy and playful back and forth.

Next, imagine you are with your boyfriend. You haven’t seen each other in months, and you've longed for him. You missed him and you've been thinking of him before going to sleep each night. He’s your first thought in the morning when you wake up. If only you could roll over and be there with him ...

Now, imagine he is there. He's in your bedroom and you have the whole night together to do nothing but please one another. It’s delicious, exquisite, perfect! What would you do first?

As you are imagining all of that, tell him about it! See how easy this is?

Give him focused attention and tell or show him exactly what you want using your voice, acting and sexual role play abilities. He will be grateful you did.

5. Find out what he wants and needs most

Everyone has the unique preferences and desires. Stay present during the call so you know what's working and what's not.

Think of your boyfriend your favorite research subject, as if you were writing a term paper on passion with him.

For example, some men respond positively to jealousy and thinking or hearing about you with other men makes them want to possess you as their own, while other men back away from such stories and fantasies because the thought makes them feel too vulnerable.

Some women enjoy having their fight or flight instinct awakened by the thought of being dominated in bed and find that it generates intense feelings of arousal, while others find such scenarios too triggering to entertain.

As you grow into the kind of unselfconscious lover you've always dreamed of being while engaged with the man you love, you invite him to merge with you in a meaningful way.

When each of you is ready for deep intimacy and love, there will be no room left for a third party to come between you. As you become more and more connected, you'll likely find that neither of you have an interest in additional partners.

When you select the right partner, your every desire can be more successfully met by that one person than by numerous others who have no idea who you are or what you're about.

Taking this approach to phone and cyber sex can lead to a deeper understand of each other and of what brings you both the most pleasure.

This will make your relationship more joyous, more peaceful, and more ecstatic overall, keeping you better connected until the next time the two of you come together in person.

Susan Allen is a certified mediator and communication expert who helps couples find the passion in their sex lives. For a complimentary session, email her or visit her website.