Why Leaving A Relationship Doesn't Mean You've 'Given Up' On Your Partner — Or Love
Don't deny what you see and feel when you know the relationship doesn't fit your needs.
getty You've been in a loving relationship, but you also know that you and your partner’s hearts just weren't in it anymore.
As a couple, you were going through the motions and did what you thought you were supposed to do, but it didn’t mean anything to you.
You weren’t committed to this relationship for the right reasons. You did it because that is what was expected.
But love isn’t about what you do. The love you desire starts in the heart.
There are so many opportunities to meet unique men and women.
You no longer need to muddle through a relationship because that’s what’s expected. Your relationships may always be loving, but some people will make a great match for you, and some won’t.
Your key doesn’t have to open every door, just the right one.
So, be honest with yourself and with your partner.
Are you both just going through the motions when it comes to love? Has your relationship become routine? Do you do it because you feel like you have to?
Or, does your love come from a deep, heartfelt place where you are thankful to be in this awesome relationship?
If not, here are 7 reasons why leaving a relationship doesn’t mean you're giving up on your partner or love.
1. The relationship feels one-sided.
For some time, the relationship was a little off. You have expended all of your energy to keep it fun, to communicate about the future, but it has not been reciprocated.
Relationships will have their ups and downs, but you want to make sure you and your partner are both invested in making it work.
2. It’s just the wrong time.
There's a famous Bible verse in the book of Ecclesiastes that states that everything has a season.
You can’t force a relationship to work if the timing just isn’t right or if you or your partner has other things that are a priority before committing to the relationship.
Have the courage to acknowledge this place in your life so you can truly focus on those goals.
3. You want different things out of life.
You could love someone very much, the timing could be perfect, and they could even be your soulmate. But if they want different things out of life than you, that’s probably not going to change.
Everyone gets the opportunity to choose the way they want to live.
As Don Miquel Ruiz states in his book, Mastery of Love:
"In every relationship, there are two halves of the relationship. One half is you, and the other half is your partner. Of those halves, you are only responsible for your half; you are not responsible for the other half. It doesn’t matter how close you think you are, or how strongly you love, there is no way you can be responsible for what is inside another person’s head.”
4. You’re simply not compatible enough.
A perfect relationship is an illusion. There will be conflict, the longer you are in a relationship.
If you don’t share the same values or you don’t feel you are loved and can’t express the way you truly are, the relationship will never be what you want it to be.
Compatibility is not just about liking the same things. You want to ensure you share the same values, can work through conflict, and are constantly growing independently and together.
5. You’re in it out of obligation.
Time doesn’t heal all wounds.
If you and your partner aren’t committed to understanding each other’s differences and are working to make the relationship better, it doesn’t matter how long you’ve invested in it.
It will remain at an impasse.
6. You no longer feel like yourself, and that’s not healthy.
When you’ve loved your partner so much that you've sacrificed who you are as a person, it’s time to move on.
You have compromised yourself as a person and it’s caused you to behave in ways that are unexpected. It’s time to leave.
A healthy relationship is designed to make you strive to be a better person, not worse.
7. You're no longer in love with them.
You may love your partner and truly cherish the relationship story you've created over time, but deep down, you know you're not in love with this person.
When you truly come to this conclusion about your life, isn’t it better to communicate this with your partner, than staying in a relationship that’s not truly authentic?
With each passing day you stay, you’re extending the inevitable outcome.
You leave because you choose love — not because you've given up.
In the end, when you decide to leave your partner it doesn’t mean you’ve given up on them, or love for that matter.
On the contrary, you've chosen love because you realize that staying in the relationship right now would be unproductive and purely for selfish reasons.
You know, in your heart, that something feels strange. So, don’t deny it, act on it.
In time, with some space, if it’s true love and changes are made, you will return to each other. If not, your heart will be ready to receive what you deserve when you do meet the new love of your life.
Keith Dent is a certified relationship coach and the author of "In the Paint, How to Win at the Game of Love." If you are a person that struggling in an unfulfilling relationship and needs help contact him by email at info@keithdent.com.