9 Things To Say When Someone Asks, 'Why Did You Get Divorced?'
How you answer the divorce question matters. Here's why.
Getty "Why did you get divorced?"
You've most likely gotten this question a lot, especially on dates with potential partners.
Dating today can be very stressful, especially if you're divorced. Not only do you have to incorporate all the new rules of dating, you usually have to start the process in an online environment.
The pandemic has helped slow things down a bit and may have allowed you to focus on finding the right connection.
Maybe your initial conversations have been going really well. So you know that sometime soon, as things open up, you might be meeting in person and will probably have to answer the one question you've been dreading.
Will you avoid the question until later or give a simple, respectful answer?
RELATED: 10 Main Reasons Why Divorce Is So Common These Days
Here are 9 ways to answer the question, "Why did you get divorced?"
1. "I put my career first."
If you put your career ahead of your family, resentment can soon follow, so explain this to your date.
"I got so caught up receiving accolades and being acknowledged for my hard work, I failed to acknowledge my partner needed support. Usually, at the end of a hard day of work, I had no energy left for our marriage."
2. "I was a jerk."
You can be honest about the reason why.
"Honestly, I was so immature and I would criticize my partner for every little thing. She got tired of the criticism and left."
3. "I didn't pay attention to the red flags."
It's OK to acknowledge that you missed some signs.
"I knew things in our marriage weren't right, but I didn't challenge the issues enough. I was afraid to actually know the truth because that meant our marriage was not perfect."
"My partner said just enough to question my instincts. I would think, 'How could I be right about what I was feeling?' In the end, I was ignoring the flags because not ignoring them meant that my partner no longer respected me or our marriage."
4. "We couldn’t communicate."
This is a common issue for couples that can lead to divorce.
"We could talk about mindless topics for hours, but when it came time to talk about really important things that affected our marriage, we couldn’t do it."
5. "I could no longer stay together just for the kids."
Many married couples stay in an unhealthy marriage for their children.
"I wanted to get divorced years ago, but we decided that the kids needed stability. Now that they are older and divorce is less of a stigma, I knew if I didn’t leave now, I never would. I have only one life to live and I needed to start living, for myself."
6. "The pandemic escalated my timeline."
The pandemic affected everyone's relationships.
"Being together 24-hours a day magnified the fact that we just couldn’t stand each other. It became so suffocating that I had to get out of the relationship."
7. "We were not compatible."
Sometimes, you just get it wrong.
"I had a feeling early on that our marriage might not work out, but I was in love. Eventually, the conflicts we had as a couple were too much to overcome."
8. "We married too young."
There was so much more you needed to learn and experience.
"At the time I had no idea who I really was or what I needed out of marriage. When I was finally able to verbalize those needs, my partner was either unable or unwilling to fulfill them."
9. "Truthfully, I was no longer in love."
It's OK to admit that your feelings have changed.
"I love my partner as a person and the relationship we had, but I am no longer in love. In the end, life is too short to just go through the motions of being married or staying together out of fear that I may not find someone who values who I am and what I can give to a relationship."
Sharing your story can be freeing and can be used to your advantage.
Even if your marriage was a catastrophe, being transparent about it shows your date that you have learned from it and grown as a person, and are able to address the part you played in why your marriage didn’t work.
Your divorce story is now a learning experience and will make you better equipped to choose a new partner.
Hopefully, the date you are on will be the start you need. If not, keep trying.
Keith Dent is a certified relationship coach and the author of "In the Paint, How to Win at the Game of Love." If you are struggling to move on after a draining divorce and you need to talk contact Keith for a free 30-minute consultation.