Eleanore Wells, MS - Expert

Author, The Spinsterlicious Life: 20 Life Lessons for Living Happily Single and Childfree.  I also blog, mostly, about the realities and joys of being single, child-free, and not mad about it (http://www.TheSpinsterliciousLife.com).  Here’s how this whole thing got started:  I ran into a woman I knew from years ago at a party and before I could answer “How are you doing”, she asked me “Are you married, yet”?   I’m asked this a lot and I feel I always have to have a quip ready: one that seems lighthearted but hopefully also conveys that I think it’s a bizarre question. 

There’s nothing wrong with asking if I’m married, but the “yet” implies that this is something I must do.  But I never really thought so. 

I am a heterosexual woman, I live in New York City,  I love dating…and I've dated a lot.   I have an awesome life:   a successful career as the owner of a marketing consultancy --Golden Door Consulting-- with a great income that allows me to afford a second home in the Hamptons, an active social life, and vacations around the world.  I have great relationships with my family and a fabulous circle of good friends.  I support charitable organizations with my money and time, and adore my 11-year-old Yorkie, Danny.   Despite all this goodness, there are many who look at my statistics and feel sorry for me.

What struck me about that recent encounter is that the “Are you married, yet” chick is going through her third divorce.  And she’s looking at me all crazy. 

Marriage and kids were never really in my plans.  Not everybody gets that., though.  Admitting this in a social setting can really slow down a conversation.  Most women want a husband and children so there’s obviously something wrong with the woman who doesn’t...right? 

Did you know that the number of unmarried adults in the US rose from 28% in 1970  -to- 47% in 2010?   That’s right…almost half of U.S. adults are single.  And if we focus on the Never Married, that description fits 23% of white women in the U.S. in 2009, and 45% of black women. That's a lot of people; so it's really not that uncommon.

Even more interesting (to me, anyway), is that more women than ever are choosing not to have children.  Thirty years ago, only 20% of women in their early 40s had no children; that number has now doubled.  It's interesting because it seems there's the belief that if you have a uterus, you should use it. but more and more women have been saying “not really”.

Obviously, I am not the only Spinster out there.  I know --and I know you know-- lots of fabulous women who are not wives or mothers.  In fact, there’s a whole world of similarly-situated women out there who just want to be acknowledged as the  smart, attractive, fascnating people they are.

So I blog for them, and any grown woman who hasn’t married or procreated…maybe for the time being, maybe forever AND the people who look askance at her.  

Everybody needs to lighten up.  Being single without children is not the norm – yet— but there’s a lot that’s really good about being single, free, and unencumbered. 

And that's what I post about...and all kinds of other things that might cross my mind.  I'm hoping you'll join me in the conversation: your thoughts, your reactions, your own experiences. 

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