Why You Should Train Your Love Muscles Like An Olympian

With the Olympics in full swing, it's that time of year when we get ready to ooh and ah at Adonis bodies accomplishing impossible tasks that inspire us beyond our sense of human limitation. While they definitely make it look effortless, we know years of training went into their moments of masterful glory.

Most of us don't expect ourselves to finesse triple axle jumps and record breaking times on skates or skis. Yet, we all seem to expect ourselves to have picture perfect Hollywood romances without ever taking Relationships 101 let alone having a world-class coach. You definitely wouldn't fathom an Olympian stepping into their event without training. So, why do we expect ourselves to play well let alone win in the field of relationships without some education and coaching?

Before I scare you off into thinking that loving like an Olympian means hard work, let me clear up that misconception! Check out my article "Debunking the Myth that Relationships Are Hard Work" to know that I am definitely not in that camp! Most of us think that becoming an Olympian is hard work.

The Olympians I work with have never described it that way, because they have passion for what they do. They love it. As Ammaji says, "Where there is love there is no effort." The key question is: How do we keep up the love when it starts to feel like work? That's where mastery and training come in.

One of the least known facts about love is that it is something you can train for and practice. Researchers from the Institute of HeartMath have produced some incredible studies, which reveal love is a state of being in the heart's rhythm that can be measured and traced in real-time on your computer screen, iPhone or iPad with devices called the emWave and Inner Balance App.

When we love, our heart goes into a coherent, ordered pattern. And we can train our hearts to do that the same way a skater conditions their body to twirl. We can learn to create that optimal state of heart rhythm coherence and generate the feelings that we all want in relationships like love, care and appreciation. When we do, we hear and communicate with others better, set goals truer to our heart's desires, and pursue them in more effective and innovative ways. Olympians work with me to learn how to do that for their sports—and the exact same principles apply to love and relationships.

We can practice love and train for love whether we are in, or in between, relationships. The key to loving like an Olympian is in our own hearts not just our relationships. In my private coaching practice I have the privilege of working with Olympic athletes to help them optimize their performance.

Getting to know them as people rather than just iconic images on screen is both humbling and heartwarming. Humbling because they truly are the best in their class. Heartwarming, because they are people just like you and me, who want many of the same things we do especially when it comes to love and relationships.

Olympians have a head (and maybe heart?) start when it comes to success in relationships because many of the same qualities that make them the best in their sport translate into creating lasting love, too. And the good news is these qualities are accessible to every person who has a beating heart.

You may not have the talent to win a downhill slalom, but with the principles Olympians use to make the team you can keep your love life from being an uphill battle. While every person is different, there are some things that all of the Olympians I've had the pleasure to work with have in common that can give us mere mortals insight on how to train for lasting, heavenly love here on earth:

1. They have a passion for what they do — they love it. Where there is love there is no effort, but there is innovation, dedication and long-term success (because it produces heart rhythm coherence, which is a peak performance state!)
2. Their passion is directed toward a tangible vision — a goal (or in some cases the gold).
3. They take continuous and informed action towards actualizing their vision and goal.
4. They all have coaches. Every single one of them. They train, They practice. They train. They practice. They refine. They get coached. They train. They practice.
5. They don't take setbacks as an indication of a trend. They don't make mistakes mean they are failures. They learn from their mistakes to course correct toward their goal. When they fall down, they get up. Keep reading...

More love advice on YourTango:

• 25 Romantic Ways To Say 'I Love You'
• 5 Ways To Be Happy About Your Love Life Right Now!
• 50 Love Quotes We Adore

I invite you to use these five keys as a personal checklist

• Passion: Chances are you have passion — Check! Most people long for the love that songs and poems are written about. Longing is passion. If you're motivated to read these words you have passion.
• Visionary goal: Some people direct that passion towards a tangible vision — a goal. This is where others fall short. What do you want from your relationship(s)? Do you want a long-term commitment? A weekend playmate? Are you looking for someone to validate you and fix your low self-esteem? Or someone to have children with or change the world?

Knowing what you want in relationships is an essential key to becoming well-informed and skilled to make it happen. So many of the things people seek outside themselves in relationships they need to find within (like improved self-esteem). Their relationships fail the same way an athlete won't win a gold running through the aisle of the grocery store.

It's interesting to note that relationships where the partners are working together towards a common goal that matters to both of them—whether child rearing, running a business or a non-profit that has a mission to make the world a better place—are more likely to stay together. When there is a goal to work toward that is bigger than the relationship, the relationship becomes bigger to meet it.

• Informed action: Speed dating won't do you any good if you don't know what you want. Volume does not imply productivity. Likewise, you cannot expect to create fulfillment in relationships by lying on your couch all day long. Action is required to manifest what you want, but it has to be well-informed action based on your goal.
• Training, practice, coaching: The emWave and Inner Balance App technology devices are one way to train, and we also have people trained in these skills to coach you toward your relationship gold. You can sign up for a free sample of that coaching by clicking here.
• Learn from mistakes: My friend and client Bonnie St. John, who was the first African American woman to win an Olympic downhill skiing medal, actually fell on a patch of ice during her pivotal race.

She described to me how at the point of her fall, with international television cameras pointing at her, she just wanted to crawl into the snow bank and hide (how many of us feel that way after a bad break-up?). She felt like giving up, but in her own words "my training and reflexes took over and I grabbed my equipment and finished the race." 

At the end of her run, she found out that all of the skiers she was competing against fell in the same spot. The only thing that separated her silver win from the one who took home the gold that day is that the gold medal winner got up faster. 

There is a quote from Bonnie on a Starbucks cup that says it all: "When You Fall Down, Get up". If you need coaching to get back in the relationship game after a fall, take us up on it here.

The Olympics is a short-lived high, even for the athletes who win. Love, on the other hand, is an event we never grow too old to grow in. It's never too late to love like an Olympian, and we have lifelong opportunities to best our own score. Click here to sign up for free coaching and learn more!