4 Reasons Why 'Good' Girls Are Obsessed With 'Bad' Boys
It's more than just "opposites attract."
mazur serhiy UA / Shutterstock If you have been in the dating world for a while or really just paying attention to those dating around you, you have likely noticed a universal phenomenon — "bad boys" and "good girls" seem to naturally attract each other.
This kind of relationship may well be the most self-destructive type there can be for any number of different reasons.
A common misperception is that the bad boy — a guy with an obvious wild side — is somehow manipulating the "good girl" and creating a fictional (therefore, attractive) dating relationship. In reality, in the vast majority of cases, the girl actively seeks out her "bad boy" counterpart.
Unless she stops to think about why she chases after this kind of guy, often she may be unaware of this need to be in a relationship with someone with a different personality than herself.
Here are four reasons why good girls are so obsessed with bad boys:
1. She wants to fix him
Many women come from a family where their father was unavailable to them emotionally. This could be from a divorce that kept the young girl and her father apart or because a father who was present physically was not really there emotionally for the child. In this situation, the woman attempts to recreate the same distant relationship in her own life in an attempt to "fix" the emotional distance this time around.
2. She wants someone familiar
Everyone is attracted to personality types that are familiar, even if they are not positive types. This means women who have a father who was a "bad boy" and perhaps a disaster as a husband is going to be attracted to the exact same emotional traits and characteristics in their own partners.
3. She wants something new
For some women choosing a guy who is the complete opposite and offers a change of pace, new adventure and even a bit of controlled risk is a big attractor. However, women often fail to understand that risk-taking isn't something that is carefully thought out and, with time, the risk will increase and the adventure will become more and more stressful and destructive.
4. She wants to save him
The last issue that drives many "good girls" to enter into relationships with guys who are on the wild side is the drive to rescue or salvage what she may see as a troubled soul. In reality, changing a personality is impossible unless the other person recognizes the issue and genuinely wants to make a change to keep the relationship healthy.
Sherry Gaba, LCSW, is a licensed psychotherapist and life coach who helps people cope with codependency, love addiction, toxic relationships, and mental health issues. She is also the author of Love Smacked: How to Stop the Cycle of Relationship Addiction and Codependency To Find Everlasting Love.