How To Kink Things Up In The Bedroom Without Freaking Him Out
Aren't you tired of the same old, same old?
WeHeartIt Lots of people have heard of bondage and made their own assumptions about what it is and who does it — but when you're ready to spice things up, bringing bondage into the bedroom can be a daunting task. Even though tons of people are interested or may have fantasized about it, some may be hesitant to the idea. Below you can discover what bondage really is and how you can incorporate it into your relationship to help kick things up a notch when things start getting stale.
UNDERSTANDING BONDAGE
The idea behind bondage is to give control of a sexual situation over to your partner, which can learn more about on my site. Alternatively, it is to take the control your partner relinquishes. Some couples have clearly defined bondage roles, where one is always dominant and the other is always submissive, and others prefer to switch roles periodically, so they can experience both the thrill of being in charge and the excitement of having little control.
In the last several decades, bondage has become relatively mainstream, and now it’s fairly common for couples old and young to use it in the bedroom.
The main component of bondage is restraint, which can take the form of handcuffs, hogties, tying up hands and feet, binding and gagging. Some elements that are frequently associated with bondage (whipping and various types of pain induction) actually belong to a wider category of BDSM and aren’t strictly bondage.
TESTING THE WATERS WITH YOUR PARTNER
Before you really get into bondage, it’s important to find out how your partner feels about it. If you’re like most people, it might feel too embarrassing or vulnerable for you to just come right out and say, “Hey, you wanna do some bondage?” This is especially true if the relationship is somewhat new. Instead, dip your toes in subtly by asking him how he feels about the subject.
Take a look at a few different ways to approach the subject with your partner:
1. Ask him if he knows what bondage is
A simple question such as “Hey, what's bondage?” might get him thinking about the topic where he wouldn’t have done so before. If you’re nervous, just put it out there casually, when you guys are already talking about something sexual.
That way if he doesn’t respond favorably you can just move on.
2. Have him read a book involving bondage (50 Shades of Grey, anyone?)
There're tons of reading materials out there that have become super popular and helped propel the idea of bringing bondage into the everyday bedroom. Watching a movie or reading books with your guy can help get the topic started and see where he stands.
3. Ask him if he's into blindfolded sex
Asking him if he's ever had (or been interested in having) sex blindfolded is a fairly simple question that will give you a good gauge on whether or not he’s into that sort of thing.
GETTING STARTED WITH BONDAGE
Okay, so you’ve got the answer to what bondage is and you’ve discovered that your partner is game to try — at least a little bit. Now it’s time to dive in (or maybe wade in from the shallow end).
Because most people need a little warming up before donning full leather gear and breaking out the whips, try a few of the following techniques:
1. Tie each other up
This is the most basic aspect of bondage and can be achieved in almost endless ways. Try tying up hands or legs, tying limbs to the bed or the wall, tying arms behind the back or in front of the chest, or using collars to attach your partner to the bed … or just control them.
2. Use a blindfold
Removing sight turns sex play into a game of trust. Many people start here when experimenting with bondage for the first time. This works great when giving him oral sex too, as explained in the video linked below.
3. Leave one another stranded (just for a minute!)
One element of bondage is discomfort, so try leaving one another restrained for a longer period of time. Many people enjoy the feeling of mild pain, which long periods of restraint often causes. If you are just getting started with bondage, experiment with having your arms or legs tied in an uncomfortable position for a couple minutes to see if it turns you on.
4. Try out some handcuffs
Handcuffs are one of the most stereotypical but one of the most fun tools of bondage. You can attach them to bedposts or other permanent fixtures, or you can simply handcuff your partner’s hands together in front of or behind them. The limited mobility makes for some interesting positions.
PLAYING IT SAFE
It’s important to keep in mind that while bondage can be a ton of fun, it’s not always everyone’s cup of tea. Before you both start experimenting with bondage, have a serious discussion about what you both want and whether it’s for you. If one of you is very interested and the other isn’t, try to look for a middle ground. Could you tie one another up with scarves or rope, but keep the scarier bondage elements out of the equation? Are there other, gentler techniques you could try that don’t feel as threatening to one or both of you?
Even if you are both interested, remember to set boundaries so that everyone feels secure.
Use a safe word that means “stop immediately” so that things never get too far past either of your comfort zones. And remember — even though men have a reputation for being more sexually adventurous than women, this isn’t always the case. Make sure everyone's feelings and desires are being considered equally.
THE BOTTOM LINE
Bondage should be fun and exciting for both of you, but shouldn’t cause anyone to feel frightened or overwhelmed. If you both love it, great! These techniques are an awesome jumping off point into the exciting world of bondage. If it’s a failed experiment, chalk it up to trial and error and move on to activities that make both you feel safer in the bedroom.
If you are interested in learning how to give your man incredibly intense and satisfying oral sex, then you may be interested in using the techniques from this tutorial video.