5 Reasons For You To Shake Off Those Post-Divorce Blues And SMILE

Are you still depressed after your divorce? Well then, lady, you're doing it wrong!

Of course, I completely understand (and know from my own miserable experience) that divorce is full of heartache and pain. Your whole world turns upside down. And all of the hopes and dreams you held for a life shared with that person go right down the drain.

Divorce is devastating, much like a tornado, wiping out everything in its path.

To survive, you retreat to a safe place inside while that storm is raging. However, once that twister passes, you have a choice to make. You can remain in the cellar, where it's "safe", but also dark and musty, or you can poke your head up bravely and look around at the landscape of your new life. 

OK, I confess: during my divorce, I hung out in the cellar and wallowed for a good long while. I was hung up in the drama of the divorce and the antics of my ex. And I stayed in that dark place way too long. But, I finally realized that I was choosing to stay there.

It dawned on me that I had to do something differently for anything to change.

I needed to choose to truly live my life after the divorce. So I came above ground, and it turns out, a world of fun was waiting up here. 

But don't just take my word for it. Research confirms that women are significantly more content and satisfied after their divorces, even more so than their own baseline level of happiness throughout their lives. And not just immediately following the divorce, but for years afterward! 

The point? If you're divorce is over, it's time to pop your head up from underground and scan the new landscape.

The view up here is pretty darn good! Here's why:  

1. You Get A Do-Over: Who doesn't love a do-over? Life is offering you a second chance to determine what you really want, figure out who you really are, and then go for it! It's your new life to live. A fresh start. A clean slate. Embrace it! (Hint: ditch the toxic people.) 
2. Older? Yes. Wiser? Definitely: With age comes, well, yes, wrinkles, but also so much more than that. Patience. An ability to appreciate the little things. An understanding of what's really important. And, genuine perspective.

   Observe a 20-year old and her friends and you'll see what I mean. You're a grown-up now. Learn from your past and use those lessons to create a life that lights you up inside. 

3. You're FREE: Every marriage, even a happy and healthy one, requires compromise and that means giving up some of your freedom. Well, hey, you just got it back!

   You can now leave your underwear on the floor, come home late without telling anyone, or eat the same thing for dinner every night for a week. Revel in these little freedoms. No one is going to judge you for them—and that is a delicious feeling. 

4. You Get to Try Stuff On (Literally and Figuratively): Now is the time to clean out your closet and throw out (but preferably donate) everything that doesn't fit or that you've always hated.

Go shopping for new styles; force yourself to try new cuts and colors. And while you are at it, try on a new attitudes or two.

Always admired romantic, flirty women? Dress the part and see how it feels. What type of woman do you want to be? Sporty? Adventurous? Sexy? Serious? Divorce provides an opportunity to reinvent yourself from the inside out.

Mark Twain once said, "Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society." (And I'm sure he meant women too.) So what clothes will help you embody the true YOU? How will that new you influence society?

1. Time for the Things You've Always Longed to Do: Go! Get off the computer and DO SOMETHING (after finishing this article, of course). Maybe it's finally boxing up the stuff your ex left behind. Or signing up for Spanish classes or art lessons. Or booking that trip you've longed to take.

   Whatever you desire, use this newfound time to shake things up and try things that sat for too long on your "maybe someday" list. That someday is today! 

I am six years post-divorce now. And I'm happy to report, life is pure bliss. I embrace my own advice and enjoy the little freedoms that come with single life. I gutted my closet and bought new clothes (that I actually like). I went skydiving (a dream come true). And then later, I used my "do over" to meet my new husband—someone who is good to me and for me. Yes, I'm older. But that didn't stop me from having my first baby at the age of 43. And I'm loving it all.

I know it can feel scary, but life after divorce is a wonderful opportunity to live again. So, come on and start living. This time on your terms!

I founded SAS for Women, a place where we help women figure out how to start living again after an unwelcome turn of events, such as divorce or widowhood. If you’d like to learn how, contact me today.