How To Overcome Your Dating Hold-Ups And Find Your Soulmate, Using The Enneagram
True love is just around the corner.
getty Finding your soulmate is more of an art than a science, but an excellent place to begin is by getting to know yourself better.
You can do that by using the Enneagram, a personality classification system that helps identify your strengths, weaknesses and other characteristics and divides personalities into nine types. As a starting place, here are brief descriptions of each Enneagram type.
To find out which Enneagram type you are, an excellent online test is available through the Enneagram Institute. There is a small fee for this test. Or, you can learn more about the nine Enneagram types and take a free version of the test here.
When it comes to finding your soulmate, recognize that he or she could be of any Enneagram type. There is no perfect combination of Enneagram types that make ideal partners. What is important is that you are both mentally healthy individuals, self-aware, and that you both choose to keep growing emotionally, spiritually and physically.
Remember, you can not decide what another person’s Enneagram type is. You can only guess — so hold this thought lightly. Ideally, if you are serious about a person, you might want to suggest that you two learn about the Enneagram together.
As you learn more about the Enneagram and yourself, consider what personality types you might get along with best. But always remain open to surprises. As long as you are both healthy people and have enough similarities to have things to share in life and enough difference to keep life exciting and stimulating, you can create a happy, healthy relationship with any Enneagram type.
Here’s what you need to know about your Enneagram personality type to help you overcome your challenges in dating and find your soul mate:
Type 1: The Reformer
If you are a type one, the Reformer, you feel compelled to bring change to the world. You want to do your best. You want everyone to do their best. While admirable, this characteristic can cause you to be especially hard on yourself and be hard on others, too.
To find your soulmate: As a result of your constant desire for improvement, you can come across as picky and intolerant, which can cause you to miss out on love. Stop being so critical — of yourself and of others — to avoid pushing people away, even if your "advice" or "help" coming from a place of kindness, in order to open yourself up to finding true love.
Type 2: The Helper
If you are a type two, you feel called to love and support those around you — and you are very good at it, too. Your strength is that you know what other people need. However, when you become desperate to be loved and want to be the center of attention, you can get caught up in living through others. Too often, you will hover over others trying to make them like you, which in the end has the opposite effect and can cause you to seem needy.
To find your soulmate: You tend to focus on the needs of others, rather than your own, which makes you come across as needy and can even feel smothering to your partner. To help yourself find and keep love, start making it a priority to care for yourself first, so you take some of your attention and (sometimes overbearing) goodwill off of the other person.
Type 3: The Achiever
If you are a type three, you feel compelled to be successful in the eyes of those around you. You are fantastic at being a mentor to those you care about because you have the gift to bring the best out in others. Yet, you find it hard to slow down. You have a tendency to abandon your own values in order to be more successful, which can irritate those you love because they become confused as to who you really are.
To find your soulmate: Your need to succeed can get in the way of finding a partner because you're always in danger of trying to impress them with your achievements. This can actually come across as a loss of identity in their eyes, since you continually try to be what they want, rather than being true to yourself. So make a point to ground yourself in your values — and stick to them — in order to attract love.
Type 4: The Individualist
If you are type four, you tend to be creative, honest and distinctive. If you are a four, you have an eye for beauty; yet, you also have a tendency to feel that you don’t fit in and think no one understands you. t is easy for you to get stuck in certain emotions of melancholy because that is where you feel alive.
To find your soulmate: You may find it hard to bond with another person because you think there is someone else out there that is better for you. To combat this, try to live in the present and accept that what you're experiencing right now is good — rather than "good enough." Trust the now, and learn to be present and accepting of what is — rather than what could be — so that you can recognize your soulmate once you meet them.
Type 5: The Observer
If you are a type five, you love to learn and to teach what you've learned to others. However, you have a hard time sharing any thoughts that you don’t feel you have researched enough. Social situations and small talk are difficult for you, too. Instead, you prefer having lots of time for yourself. Under stress, you to go into your mental world and at times will distance yourself from everyone around you.
To find your soulmate: Since you tend to be disconnected from what's going on around you, it can make emotionally connecting with others challenging. To find love, work on becoming more emotionally present and finding ways to feel more comfortable in social situations centered around small talk.
Type 6: The Loyalist
If you are a type six, you love to keep yourself and everyone else safe. You are a keen observer, and it is easy for you to spot problems before they become serious. You are very dependable, too. However, you can become annoying to those around you because you have a tendency to shut down other people’s ideas, especially when they don’t sound safe or realistic to you.
To find your soulmate: You're always looking for security, so your greatest challenge in finding love is learning to trust your own abilities to know what's best and recognize once you've met the right person. What's more, you must be careful not to come across as a "wet blanket" by squashing your partner's hopes and dreams with your overly realistic approach.
Type 7: The Enthusiast
If you are a type seven, you are hungry for adventure and look for new and exciting experiences every day. The plus side to this is that people who hang around you are never bored. However, you have a tendency to stay overly busy seeking what's "new and next" to avoid feeling vulnerable in your heart and body.
To find your soulmate: It can be hard for you to slow down enough to get to know someone — or even to pin down a date — since you're always hoping someone more exciting might come along. Focus on following through with commitments and taking your partner's needs into consideration, so they feel like they have a voice in your relationship, too.
Type 8: The Challenger
If you are type eight, the Challenger, you feel compelled to make things happen in the world. You are a force to be reckoned with, but you often have a tendency to act without thinking. You care deeply for people on the edges of society and are there for people who matter to you, no matter what happens.
To find your soulmate: You tend to put up walls and overly protect your heart to avoid getting hurt, so it can be difficult for you to be intimate and vulnerable with a person you love. Learn to be more open by connecting to your inner spirit and practicing trust in the larger universe, which will help you find love.
Type 9: The Peacemaker
If you are type nine, the Peacemaker you feel compelled to make the world a calm place and keep the peace among family and friends. You are great at helping people to get along with each other. However, you too have a compulsion to act out without thinking. And when you try to keep the peace at all costs, it can cause you to hit your wits' end and lose all composure.
To find your soulmate: Your challenge is to be able to express your own needs, so you need to realize you have value and learn how to put yourself out there. In order to find a quality partner, you need to show them the real you.
As you can see no type is better than another. All types have positive and negative aspects of them. You can have a great relationship with any combination of type. The bottom line is that you both work to be healthy. The healthier you get, the more access you have to the positive qualities of all nine types, since we all have all nine types within us.
As you look at the types, reflect on who you might relate to better. For example, if you love to go to parties you might not want to date a type five. This isn’t to say that you couldn’t find a healthy type five that would enjoy a good party, though.
If you are a strong type eight personality, you might get frustrated with a type nine because type nine folks have a harder time at fully expressing themselves. Type eights don’t care a lot about what others think of them, while types nine people are very concerned with their appearance to others.
If you want a healthy relationship first commit to your own physical, emotional, mental and spiritual well-being. Then, find a partner who is equally committed. No matter what type you fall in love with, your relationship can thrive.
Roland Legge offers life and executive coaching through REL Consultants for individuals and organizations to help them to be the best they can be. For more information, please arrange for a free 30-minute discovery call by phoning Roland at 306-620-7478 or click on “Discovery Call” to book a time on his calendar.