A Psychologist's Most Helpful Tips For Surviving Your First Week With A Newborn Baby
Bringing home baby is harder work than most new parents realize.
Juan Moyano, jonya, RDNE Stock project | Canva Human babies are the most helpless newborns in the animal kingdom. They can do absolutely nothing for themselves, so it’s up to their parents to ensure their survival. This is a decidedly new skill for most of us, and learning how to take care of a newborn baby can be a trial by fire for new parents.
The good news is you and your newborn baby are going to survive and thrive. The rest of the human race has figured this out — and you will, too.
Here's a psychologist's most helpful tips for surviving your first week with a newborn baby:
1. Get the basics prepped as early as possible.
It is quite normal for a baby to arrive two weeks early, and for a variety of reasons, some women deliver even earlier. Predicting delivery date is still an inexact science, as shown in a 2001 study.
So, what’s the most important thing you can do to plan as new parents? Make sure you have the basics taken care of: At the very least, you need a car seat, a crib or bassinet, onesies, pajamas, blankets, diapers, wipes, bottles, and formula, if you aren’t planning to breastfeed.
Trust me when I tell you that this is the bare minimum of baby gear you need — you are going to need a lot more. But these items will get you through a few postpartum days without having to run to the store right after giving birth.
Some first-time parents are not comfortable having baby furniture in the house before the baby is safely born. Luckily, most baby registries will let you choose your items beforehand, and then as soon as the baby is born, you can arrange a quick delivery with a click.
2. Rely on and trust in your partner.
Learn together, fail together, and support each other. If your partner can take some time off after the baby is born, you will cement your connection as a team.
If taking care of a newborn baby is new to you two as first-time parents, experiencing those first incompetent days together and surviving (which you surely will) creates a bond between the two of you that is deep and meaningful. It will set the tone for raising your children together for a lifetime.
Fathers are often excluded when the first baby comes home. Women are more likely to read up on caring for babies beforehand. So, when Dad steps in to change a diaper, Mom sees the way he is doing it is different from the book, and she criticizes him. This serves to alienate Dad and can ultimately make him disengage.
If we want men to be involved in childcare, we’ve got to bring them in with acceptance and generosity. Be positive and appreciative of his involvement, and he will get the hang of things. Remember, at this age, all a newborn baby needs is to be loved, safe, and fed.
3. Ask for outside support when you feel like you can't handle things (it's okay!)
Brazenly ask for and accept help from your social support group: your sister, mother, or best friend. If anyone offers to help, give them a specific task. People don’t know what would help the most and are often relieved to be assigned a task like, ”Bring dinner on Tuesday by five," or “Come for an hour on Wednesday at ten so I can get a shower.”
Kapinon.Stuio via Shutterstock
If there is someone who loves you, like your mother or girlfriend, and their help is regularly useful to you, ask them to stay with you for the first few days. My mom stayed over after I had my first baby and did a few middle-of-the-night feedings, which gave me and my husband a couple of extra precious hours of continuous sleep.
When you have a newborn and someone offers to let you sleep, don’t protest, don’t be polite. Say yes. always. Research from 2013 clearly shows how functioning without sleep is one of the most difficult parts of new parenthood. Easing sleep deprivation is the best thing you can do for your physical and emotional health.
4. Learn to forgive yourself for your (inevitable) mistakes.
There is no getting around this — it’s hard to learn how to take care of a newborn who can only communicate by crying or not crying. It’s hard to live on only a couple of hours of sleep. And more so while you are recovering from birthing a baby, especially by Cesarean section.
If you are sometimes emotional or cranky, give yourself a break. You are going to feel a whole range of emotions, especially in the first week of being a new parent.
A significant amount of women experience what’s called postpartum blues, which can involve sadness, tearfulness, or irritability, and postpartum depression remains under diagnosed according to a study from 2020. The good news is that for most mothers, this goes away by the tenth day after the baby is born, and you will feel more like your regular self again soon.
To cope during this time, ask your partner for tender, loving care when possible. Just 60 seconds of hugging can reduce the stress-induced neurochemicals that make you feel strung out, as demonstrated in research from 2021.
5. Remember that things will get better.
In a few weeks, your baby will get into a routine. There will be a nap time you can count on. Your body will recover. You (and your partner) will become experts in taking care of a newborn. And somewhere between six and 12 weeks, your newborn will reward you with a smile, and then a giggle, and then one of those full, throaty baby guffaws that you will do anything to bring on.
Sometime soon after that, you will wake up in the morning and realize you and the baby slept all night. Life will get easier, and you will look back on these early days in a haze, where you can’t even remember how you got through.
Your baby is going to get the hang of being a human, and you will get the hang of being a new parent. I guarantee these things will all happen.
If you are expecting a new baby, congratulations! You are beginning the hard but deeply satisfying work of parenting. Inviting your village to participate and caring for yourself when you can will be good for you and your child.
Let your journey begin!
Robyn Stein DeLuca, Ph.D. is a psychologist and postpartum expert. She teaches the Two Day Bringing Baby Home Workshop for Couples, which helps couples improve and protect their relationship when the new baby comes home.