Why Those 'Dating Tips' Don't Work Unless You Work On Yourself FIRST

As a love coach, I have a lot of interesting conversations at parties.

Recently, a man asked me why women are so weird. He told me, "They like guys who treat them like dirt, and if you call too soon or express interest they think you're a loser." Later in our conversation, he revealed that even when he did wait a few days to call a woman, he could still strike out. "What's wrong with them?" he wanted to know.

Have you ever read some great advice and followed it to the letter, but things still fell flat in your relationship? WHY?

Because following instructions like a recipe doesn't change anything real.

Simply altering your behavior doesn't change your mindset and people can feel it when something is off. To have a better outcome, it's necessary to get to the root of what's causing your results.

First, be open to the idea that it really is about you. This man wanted to blame women. While that approach may make him feel better in the moment, it's not likely to help his love life in the long run.

Until you're willing to look at yourself and make some changes, you're going to have a tough time of it. The common denominator in all of your relationships is you, so if you aren't happy, you need to look at yourself first.

It's never about the surface behavior.

The reason you keep getting the same results in dating has nothing to do with following rules or dating tips. The tips you hear or read about are merely addressing the symptoms of a deeper cause. For instance, it's very common in dating to feel needy and text someone too much.

The problem isn't with the texting, it's with the underlying neediness. You can refrain from texting someone, but they'll still feel that something is off if you're feeling needy and insecure about your relationship with them. There is no hiding such things in the long run. Those feelings will leak out eventually.

It's essential to get to the root of the feelings causing the behavior in question, in this case, neediness. Consider working with a coach or someone who can support you through the process. This person will tell you the truth and help you see what's going on.

Find out why you're feeling needy, and be OK with its cause.

Look this neediness in the eye and realize that it's about you, not the person you just met two weeks ago and now feel the urge to text constantly. Chances are that you felt needy with the last person you dated and the one before that.

It's not about this person or about whether or not you're texting them or following dating tips, it's about being OK with who you are. Once you really get this, you will be free.

If you're willing to look at yourself honestly, examine the cause of whatever behavior is creating a problem and get to the root of what's going on, you will have much better relationships.

You'll attract people who are more emotionally available and never have to worry about the "right" thing to do again. You will know that you're OK and be able to own your feelings and opinions.

You can cherish being yourself—you will be free.

This sure beats getting out your calendar every time you feel like texting someone. 

If you're ready to graduate from dating tips, and find out what's really possible for your love life, click here. I help singles who know better than to leave finding love to chance and are ready to have the loving relationship they've always dreamed of. You can have it. I can help.