Masturbation Ruins Sex! And Other Myths About Self-Pleasuring

Do you have secret concerns about masturbation? Do you enjoy solo sex but feel a bit guilty about it, or worry that it will ruin your sex life? Ever wonder if the way you are masturbating is doing you more harm than good? If so, you are not alone! Masturbation remains a taboo topic of conversation so many of us silently worry about this most personal sexual experience.

As professional sex experts, we get hundreds of emails every week from men and women all around the world. They confide in us their deepest, most intimate secrets and ask for advice about their most private concerns. We are happy to be their trusted source of information, resources and advice. Here are the most common questions about masturbation myths — and the truth behind the myths that will set you free to explore the realm of solo sex!

Masturbation Myth #1: Too Much Masturbation Ruins Sex

One of the most persistent masturbation myths is that if you are having great sex, you don't need to masturbate. Or, if you masturbate too much, you won't be able to have great sex. Nothing could be further from the truth. A great sex life can include both fabulous masturbation experiences and blissful bedroom journeys with your lover.

For women, masturbation is a crucial step to learn about their body, their sexual response cycle and how they best reach orgasm. Women can then bring this self-knowledge into partnered sex and are way more likely to experience orgasm with their lover. Men can learn how to prolong erection and control their ejaculation, leading to way more pleasurable sex and less anxiety during lovemaking.

For both men and women, masturbation is the ideal way to explore the vast terrain of sexual fantasies and to explore what turns them on and what they might like to explore with their lover. Masturbation is a cornerstone of a happy sex life, and poses no threat to the quality of sex you can have with a partner. The more you have orgasms, the easier orgasms are to have! So don't hold back, whether or not you are in a relationship, you should shamelessly enjoy the pleasures of solo sex!

Masturbation Myth #2: Masturbation Causes Erectile Dysfunction

Some men worry that masturbation is the cause of their erectile dysfunction. They report that erections come easily while masturbating but are much less reliable, or even absent, during partner sex. This is an increasingly common concern, and a very real experience. But masturbation isn't to blame— porn is the culprit! The truth is, masturbation can be a great way for men to learn how to last longer in bed and master ejaculation control. We offer a step-by-step guide for men who want to use masturbation to learn how to stay harder longer. But masturbating with pornography every time can cause what scientists are now calling "porn induced erectile dysfunction" which is effecting even very young men who have become dependent on porn for arousal. Check out the brilliant TEDx talk "The Great Porn Experiment" for more on this harrowing trend and how to reverse it!

Masturbation Myth #3: Masturbation Is A Form Of Cheating

If you are in a relationship, is it still ok to masturbate? We get this question several times a week over at PleasureMechanics.com, so it is clear that many people are concerned that masturbation is a form of cheating. We believe that you are an independent sexual being, as is your lover. Your relationship is where you meet in the middle. Masturbation is a positive way to strengthen your own sexuality so you have more to give to your relationship. You have your libido, and your partner has theirs. It is too much to ask that you will both spontaneously be "in the mood" at the exact same time, every time. So if you find yourself aroused, there is nothing wrong with masturbating as a form of sexual release. If you can't sleep in the middle of the night, masturbation can be a great way to relax and get your much-needed rest. If you find yourself jealous of your lover's masturbation, you may have other issues you need to address. Do you ache for more of their sexual attention? Do you feel lonely in your marriage? Do you crave more intimacy? Try to figure out what you are longing for and ask for what you need. Masturbation has a place in a happy, fulfilling and trusting relationship.

Masturbation Myth #4: You Can Get Addicted To Your Vibrator

Many women worry that they will get addicted to the sure-fire stimulation of their vibrators. Here are the facts: you can't get addicted to a sex toy in the same way you can be addicted to alcohol or drugs. But there is some truth to the concern. If you masturbate in the same way with the same toy every time, you can create numbness and diminish your ability to respond to other kinds of sexual stimulation. The body adapts to repeated stimulation — so just like you ignore the sensations of your clothing after getting dressed in the morning, your nerve endings will adapt and lessen their response if they are over stimulated again and again by a vibrator. The solution? Mix it up! Use a wide range of toys on different parts of your body to create a wide range of sensations. Don't just clamp down a vibrator and sprint to orgasm every time. Treat yourself to a fuller experience of self-love. Create more sensations with a variety of techniques and your body will get more sensitive, instead of getting numbed out! To find out more about the dangers of depending on vibrators, check out our free podcast episode.

Masturbation Myth #5: Masturbation Starts At Puberty

Many people believe that boys and girls usually start masturbating at puberty. The truth is, masturbation starts way earlier in life! Fetal imaging has revealed that both male and female babies masturbate in utero. Anyone who has cared for a baby will report that infants and toddlers alike naturally touch their own genitals. Many adults reveal that they started masturbating early in childhood, long before the onset of puberty. Stimulating the genitals creates oxytocin and dopamine, happy hormones that create a full body feeling of well-being. Kids use self-stimulation to calm down, and it is clear that at all ages self-touch can be a powerful way to make yourself feel good. With or without orgasm, masturbation has powerful benefits that we can all enjoy, in every phase of life.

Masturbation Myth #6: Everyone Masturbates

It should be clear by now: we believe masturbation is a healthy, positive part of human sexuality. Masturbation has profound health benefits and can contribute to a happy sex life. But that doesn't mean that everyone masturbates. Some people simply haven't started — either out of fear, shame or simple disinterest. Other people take breaks for various reasons. So forget the whole "98% of people masturbate and the other 2% are liars" joke - masturbation can come and go in your life, and that is OK. The essential thing is knowing that masturbation is healthy, and that you don't need to be embarrassed or ashamed of having solo sex. Once you embrace those ideas, you can choose when to masturbate, how often and with what additions of toys or fantasies. Your sexuality is yours alone, and nothing is more of a personal choice than how you choose to masturbate!

As a culture, we still have a long way to go towards shedding harmful masturbation myths and promoting the idea that masturbation can be a healthy and positive part of everyone's sex life. Until then, if you have any questions or concerns about masturbation, we are here for you.

You can contact us at PleasureMechanics.com and we'll get back to you with personalized, free sex advice. We believe everyone can create an amazing sex life, and we are here to guide you every step of the way!