What Does Being Kinky Actually Mean?

"I'm not kinky, but I love getting spanked once in awhile"

"I love rough sex and being choked, but I'm not into BDSM or anything like that"

We get emails like this all the time over at PleasureMechanics.com, from men and women who don't identify as kinky and yet enjoy many of the activities under the kink umbrella. They want to know the meaning of being kinky and if they fit in.

Up until recently, enjoying rougher pleasures in bed was a very private affair. Unless you were a member of a BDSM organization and attended leather conferences or public play parties, you probably wouldn't identify as "kinky." With the public discussion around 50 Shades Of Grey, kinky sex has stepped into the mainstream conversation. More and more people are wondering if they fit into the identity and lifestyle of kinky sex.

There is no black and white meaning of kinky, so it can be confusing for people who are into some things but not others, who love spanking but not bondage, who love being bossed around in bed and dominated but prefer their sex without any pain.

The truth is, being kinky is a state of mind. The meaning of kinky is about embracing the parts of your sexuality that are a little against the grain, outside the standard expectations of romantic, intercourse based sex. You don't have to enjoy everything under the umbrella to qualify as kinky. You just need to shamelessly celebrate what you do find arousing, and be willing to talk about it, ask for it, and enjoy it unabashedly.

To help shed light on the meaning of kinky, a recent study asked 1580 women from all over the world to report on what they did in bed. These women already identified as kinky, so the research shows what activities and behaviors are more common than others amongst the sexually adventurous amongst us.

Here are the top 5 most popular activities amongst these women (after touching and kissing, which we ALL enjoy, right?)

• 96% enjoyed erotic spanking
• 93% liked having their hair pulled
• 92% used biting to create intense sensations
• 90% enjoyed being scratched
• 87% loved erotic bondage

Have you ever enjoyed your lover's nails running down your back at the peak of arousal? Do you fantasize about being pulled over your lover's knee and being spanked until you are moaning with pleasure? Want to be tied up and touched all over? Welcome to the kinky club!

There are much more extreme activities that fall under the kinky umbrella. Intense domination and humiliation turn some people on. So does foot worship or being dressed up like a pony. These behaviors are much more rare. Only about 7% of the women reported playing with piercing, for example!

It is essential to understand that you don't have to be interested in every activity in order to embrace the kinky side of your sexuality. As you explore your own desires you may find that you are aroused by more than you imagined, but to get started just pay attention to what turns you on and give yourself permission to ask your lover to explore with you. Being part of the kinky community is a big step in your erotic adventures, but it doesn't come with any requirements. Instead, you'll find radical permission to fearlessly explore, enjoy and celebrate your unique sexuality.

Ready to unleash way more pleasure? Come on over to PleasureMechanics.com and join our newsletter for your free weekly dose of sex advice and erotic inspiration!

Want more orgasmic, more frequent sex? We'll show you how! Explore our online courses to master new sexual skills and have the amazing sex you crave. Use the code YOURTANGO for 20% off the course of your choice!