3 Ways Having Kinky-As-Hell Sex Is Like Eating Spicy Food

50 Shades of Grey has given millions of people permission to begin exploring the kinkier side of sex. Attendance at fetish clubs and in online kinky communities are at an all-time high, and it is no longer taboo to admit your interest in exploring rough sex and role playing.

As more and more people begin sampling from the banquet of BDSM and kink, it is important to remember that there is a wide spectrum of intensity to explore.

Kinky sex is a lot like spicy food: most of us love a little heat now and then, but only a few people want to bite into a habanero everyday. Here are three ways kinky sex is a lot like spicy food, an invitation to find your own personal tastes and preferences in the spectrum of spice available to you.

1. You can take any sex experience from mild to wild.

Even those of us that love spicy food don't use the same amount of hot sauce every time we eat. There are times when you want a dish to be crazy hot, just on the edge of overwhelm. Other times, a tiny bit of heat is just right.

When you start exploring kinky sex you may be concerned that you'll never be able to go back to simple, old fashioned lovemaking. But just like you get to choose the heat in each dish you prepare, the level of roughness and intensity in each sexual episode is up to you. Sometimes you'll want simple sex. Sometimes you will want to amp up the intensity.

Your erotic life can become just as creative as you wish, and it is up to you to find your favorite combinations of erotic flavors to satisfy your unique desires. There is room for the whole range — from simple, unadorned vanilla to eye-popping spice — and you don't have to give anything up to explore new flavors.

2. You can add a little (or a lot) of heat to spice up the kink.

There are over three thousand kinds of chili peppers used around the world to add heat and flavor to our food. Likewise, there is a vast spectrum of kinky sex acts that can add excitement to your sex life. You get to explore and choose your favorites, and being specific matters.

Some of us love the tangy burn of a jalapeño but shy away from the flagrant heat of a scotch bonnet pepper. I love spicy chocolate, but you may only like heat in your savory dishes. When you first begin exploring kinky sex, it can be overwhelming to think about including everything from spanking to bondage, from anal play to role play. The good news? You don't have to enjoy everything to discover new ways to express your erotic creature.

Start with just the activities that most interest you and know that you have a lifetime to slowly explore the range of what is possible. The more slowly you explore, the better. Slowly adding new kinds of erotic energy and new activities will help you get an authentic sense of what you like and what you want.

3. You can make your own special blend of vanilla and erotic.

You may have noticed that no two curries are the same. Curries are a blend of many different spices, a symphony of flavors that complement and enhance one another. Every erotic encounter is likewise a unique blend of ingredients, and no two will be the same. How you blend erotic energies, sex acts and power dimensions will give you a huge range of experiences.

An erotic spanking can be a tender and sweet experience, offered with lots of gentle caresses and loving words. Or, it can be an intense, rough experience mixed with lots of hair pulling and name calling.

Unless you are specific about what you want and start communicating with your partner about not only what you want to do but how you want to do it, you are leaving your erotic experience up to chance. Rather than pull a generic spice blend off the shelf, take control of your sexual experience and create your own unique mix of flavor that works for you. Get clear about both what you want to explore and the erotic energies you want to bring to your sex life.

Do you want to be worshipped or humiliated? Do you want to feel slutty or sensual? Do you want to be overpowered or seduced? Think about erotic energy as an array of spices, and take the time to find the blends you love the most. Don't know what you want? Our book The Fantasy Method is an interactive guide into your erotic imagination and will allow you to get clear and specific about your authentic desires.

If you are exploring kinky sex, erotic spanking is a fabulous way to get started. The Pleasure Mechanics Guide to Erotic Spanking walks you through the process of creating a highly personalized spanking experience that meets your unique desires. Think of it as a cookbook for your sex life, a guide to creating a delicious erotic experience that is uniquely your own, with just the right amount of spice!

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