How To Let Go Of The Reins Controlling Your Life — And Feel Safe In The Process
Free yourself!
Tobias Nii Kwatei Quartey on Unsplash What did you say? Learn how to let go? No, thanks! That’s too scary!
"Let go and let God."
The idea sounds so good, but what does it mean and how can you trust this God who allows so much suffering in the world?
How about let go and let Goddess? Does that have a different feel to it? Would it be easier to let go into the loving arms of the Divine Feminine than the big Guy in the sky?
Letting go is not necessarily an all or nothing kind of thing. Well, it can be, which may be why even the thought of it feels scary.
If letting go means letting go of being in control of your life, who’s going to pick up the pieces? Would your whole life collapse with you in a pile of mush if you let go of the reins?
Don’t you just hate the thought of being weak, needy and incapable? What is your worse case scenario if you would let go?
What does letting go mean to you, what would you let go of, and who do you compare yourself to when you consider letting go?
Truth be told, I haven't always been an expert at letting go myself. I used to be haunted by the thought that if I don’t control everything in my life, who would? Surely, my life would fall apart and voilà — I’d be destitute.
As a coach dedicated to spreading an invaluable message of self love as I teach others how to love themselves, I felt caught up in the rush of finding my calling and then creating my message, my tribe, my elevator speech, my sales pitch, my private Facebook group, my unique expression of who I am, my ... everything.
It didn’t work. I spent more money and time learning than I did bringing the promises to others. I felt stressed and overwhelmed with an ever-growing list of new things I needed to learn and do.
I wasn’t able to relax, let go and trust that what my message of self love is all about would actually sustain me.
Working that hard consistently is common practice for most entrepreneurs, but who says that's how it’s supposed to be?
The resistance I felt to doing all of this hard work kept getting stronger inside me until one day, during a mastermind call, something in me snapped.
The "no" coming from inside me had grown so loud I finally couldn’t ignore it anymore and I stopped all the ‘trying to make things happen.’
“If this is how life is meant to be," I said to myself, "a neverending rush of doing more — writing more emails, posting more on Facebook, offering more programs, doing more live talks, efforting, efforting, efforting — well, sorry God or Goddess, I’m done!”
And I was!
It surprised me that it suddenly became so clear. I was simply done, and I haven’t really looked back since.
I am forever grateful that I came to this fork in the road and chose the other path.
Now, it wasn’t that I wasn't loving myself, listening to my "yes" and honoring my "no" up until this abrupt ending. I was!
I am very good at honoring my inner needs, and that is precisely why it was relatively easy to love myself enough to follow my inner unfolding telling me to stop and let go.
It's always challenging to break old habits and let go of the safety and convenience of the familiar.
Breaking a habit brings up fear, which is why most people turn back to their habit when the first wave of discomfort shows up.
Obviously, I had to love all the fear that came up during this breakup with doing too much and efforting too hard.
I mean, what would happen to me, my life, my work, and my income if I suddenly got off the coaching hamster wheel? Who would take care of me, if not me?
The final answer was, “Well, let’s find out.”
If life is all about doing and efforting, it’s time to find another way.
Was it scary? Hell, yes!
All the fear that had been driving so much of my busy-doing flew up to the surface for me to lovingly meet it; not drive me to do more like it used to, but to stay put in my resolve of saying ‘I’m done with this’ and meeting the fear heart-on with love and curiosity.
Did I let go of everything in my life all at once? Hell, no!
Why would I? I still had my wonderful clients, was in the middle of teaching an online program, was still teaching meditation at UC Santa Cruz, and doing a number of other wonderful things.
Stopping and letting go meant no longer trying to make things happen by my intense efforts and instead allowing my heart’s longing to come to me.
Just between you and me: It has happened and is happening all the time now.
I have opened up to a new frequency of allowing and receiving, and closed the door to believing things can only happen if I work hard to make them happen.
I understand if you don’t think you can do that in your own current life situation, and I respect that.
These things sneak up on you as you deepen into your own awakening and embodiment and are not something you can force. Your soul’s yeses and no's come from deep inner movements that slowly grow bigger and expand beyond your conditioned way of doing things.
The no in me had been growing inside for a while, and when it reached this crescendo, I couldn’t not hear It anymore. It was now louder than anything else, and it was especially louder than my conditioned way of doing things.
It is this inner movement that you will eventually fully let go into when you have learned to trust it, step by step.
It is a gradual process which feels safe, right and manageable.
So please don’t think that you suddenly have to let your whole life go all at once without any preparation. It usually doesn’t happen that way.
Just learning to listen to your inner yes and inner no is how you build a new muscle to allow your soul to expand into a bigger version of you.
Haven’t you already experienced that in your life before, a time when you suddenly just couldn't do something anymore?
Maybe you quit in the middle of your education, moved out of the state or country, or left a relationship and found your own way.
I know you already know how to do this, and I hope that this article inspires you to move forward in the direction your soul is nudging you to go in at this time in your life.
Learning how to let go really means letting go of an old identity that doesn’t fit you anymore when you know it’s time to change.
Let’s get back to the idea of "let go and let Goddess."
To me, the Divine Feminine feels like the inner movement of yes and no that lovingly guides me through life.
It’s not a harsh pushy movement filled with should's. Trusting this movement happens over time by first trying it out in areas that feel safe and manageable.
Self love is honoring where you are at and not pushing through things you are not ready for.
Building this new muscle inside will help you take bigger and bigger leaps toward letting go until letting go is not such a big deal anymore.
Pernilla Lilarose is a Self Love Mentor at Divine Feminine Flow who loves supporting women connect with trust and express their authentic, true feminine beautiful self. Join her for her 5-week online program "Say Yes To Yourself Without Guilt Or Doubt" in mid-January 2020, or visit her website to schedule a free 30-minute Discovery session.