5 Little-Known Facts That Affect The Type Of Parent You Are
Determine what kind of parent you will be.
NDAB Creativity / Shutterstock Are you a really conscious parent? Have you ever thought about when you started your parenting journey? It wasn’t when you became a parent, but when you were born and your parents became parents.
You've probably asked yourself, "What type of parent will I be?" Your parenting decisions are based on your beliefs, most of which are programmed in at a very early age, based on how you were parented, as well as other experiences you had, mostly as a child.
You probably already know that, but did you know these five surprising facts about conscious parenting?
Here are 5 little-known facts that determine the type of parent you will be
1. Your children subconsciously learn things from you between ages 0-6
Between ages 0-6, brain scientists say the brain wave frequency is similar to an adult in a hypnotic trance. So whatever children hear, see, and feel gets programmed right into the subconscious mind, without any filtering or choice. Read that again. And one more time, to process the implications of that.
This one, little-known fact has a big influence on how you are delivering your parenting, through your thoughts, words and actions, and on how your children are receiving you as a parent.
2. Your children learn how to trust from you
The meaning children give an experience is primarily determined by their cognitive and emotional development.
So, infants interpret their world through the lens of whether an experience shows they can trust. Toddlers who are becoming self-aware and are ego-centric interpret experiences as though they are at the center of them, as in "whatever happened must be my fault" or something to that effect.
Photo: Pixabay / Pexels
3. Your own parents' parenting influences the type of mom or dad you'll be
This subconscious programming becomes your operating system (OS). Just like Windows, Apple, or Linux are for computers, it runs on auto-pilot, in the back of your mind, like an 8-track tape that keeps looping.
4. You subconsciously reject parenting styles different from your own parents'
The function of your brain is to replicate your OS programming. There are parts of your brain, like the Reticular Activating System, that filter out and reject any belief or fact that doesn’t fit your OS.
5. Your subconscious remembers experiences from your own childhood and may project those experiences onto your kids
Brain researchers estimate that most subconscious programming is negative. This programming also controls the average person’s thoughts, feelings, and habits, about 97-99% of the time.
That means that despite your good intentions and efforts, you aren’t usually consciously choosing your responses. That’s why you might react to your children and say to yourself, "Oh, my gosh! I can’t believe I just said that! That was what my mom/dad used to say. I said I’d never say that to my children."
Then, a self-inflicted guilt trip often begins, which is also usually part of your childhood programming. The good news is that you can choose your parenting beliefs and use a parenting style based on the outcomes you want, not old habits.
This is the first step to intentionally re-programming your beliefs and learning new language and action skills, so your thoughts, words, and actions are all in alignment. The bad news is that unless you work with someone to help identify and rewrite these subconscious beliefs, you likely won’t recognize what isn’t true or even see what's hidden in your subconscious mind.
This doesn't involve someone telling you what to believe or talking you into something untrue. It involves learning more about how your mind works, and then using that information in an intentional way, along with tools and techniques you can use yourself to choose and rewrite your own beliefs.
Jody Johnston Pawel is a parenting expert, author, trainer, and coach. She has served tens of thousands of people through her interactive workshops and online webinars. Pawel has 40 years of experience in the child welfare world and has trained thousands of primary parents, foster parents, and protective service caseworkers.