Tired Of Being Alone? Here Are 5 Things To Remember About Being Single
Love is right around the corner.
getty When you're tired of being alone and single, it’s important to keep up the hope that you’ll find and connect with your soulmate.
However, hope is not a plan — you need more to take you all the way to your goal of long-lasting love.
Sitting around and waiting for things to be different is not a strategy. Waiting for someone to discover how amazing you are won’t magically happen.
Contrary to popular colloquialisms, love won’t just happen when you least expect it.
Here are 5 things to remember when you're tired of being single.
1. You're not destined to be alone.
Many women around the globe hold this false belief. They’ve suffered heartbreak and at some point felt like giving up. Their inner voice kept saying, "Maybe I’m just meant to be alone in this lifetime."
While this train of thought is understandable, know that there is no higher power punishing you by forcing you to be alone. You're not broken and unable to love or be loved.
When you're tired of being single, it can feel like you're the exception and everyone else has it easy.
The truth is that relationships are not always easy, even between two people who love each other. Relationships last because two people choose to work through the hard times together.
You're not so special that you didn’t get the magic fairy dust of love this time around. You're not destined to be alone because you're different from everyone else.
This struggle is very common and has been overcome by millions of other people.
Sex is instinctual and long-term monogamous relationships are not. Lasting love requires certain skills that can be learned. There's an entirely different learning curve on selecting an ideal partner.
No matter your age or where you live, you can release the false beliefs that block you from the love you want.
2. Lasting love doesn't happen by accident.
The feeling of connecting deeply with another person along with the chemistry spark of attraction feels like magic — but it’s not.
Put away the romance novels and stop watching the "meet-cute" romantic comedies if you can't keep your expectations in check. While these can be an enjoyable escape from stress, they're not realistic about lasting love.
Not to burst your bubble, but lasting love won’t magically show up when you least expect it.
This doesn’t mean that there won’t be magic when you finally meet your soulmate. The romance phase of a relationship is designed to bond the two of you together so you can last through the inevitable power struggle stage that follows.
Long-lasting love can be accomplished if you have a plan and take regular actions toward your goal — just like everything else you’ve planned for, been educated about, and have achieved thus far in your life.
Every generation has had to struggle with discovering new ways of meeting their soulmate. Gone are the days when you would be introduced to your future spouse by a close friend or family member.
In the past, people would go to dances, publish personal ads in the newspaper, use video dating services or matchmakers, and attend singles events to meet their future husband or wife.
Technology and modern society may have changed the way we meet, but it hasn’t changed the basic rules of dating. The tools are only there for the initial connection — you still have to go to that first date.
So sign up for online dating services, download the most recent apps, and start dating to discover more about yourself and what you desire in a partner.
3. Have a plan and take action
Your car won’t fix itself when you least expect it. You’re not going to lose 20 pounds because you stopped looking for ways to get healthier.
Yet, our society clings to the ridiculous notion that in order to find love, you have to stop looking for it.
Love follows the same rules as any other goal you hope to accomplish. You wouldn’t plan on paying your bills with a job that just shows up magically one day because you need the money.
And yet, you allow the myths about love to guide your actions.
Take time to get clear on what you really want, not just the opposite of what didn’t work in the past. This doesn’t mean that you should create a comprehensive list of every quality that you are looking for in a partner.
You want to have a clear vision of the dynamic between the two of you, how you want to be treated, and how you want to feel with your partner.
Lasting love happens between two people who match in values. So when the inevitable conflicts arise, the two of you are on the same page about what is most important.
It can feel like the relationship you desire is a long way off. But when you get a clear picture of what you want, then you’ve tapped into your own ability to manifest the love you want.
4. Your past relationships give you clues.
You're the common denominator in all of your relationships.
This one concept can send you well on your way to solving your relationship riddle.
You can’t solve a problem that is outside of you — especially if you believe that men are the problem. If you're too narrow in your search and you focus on avoiding a particular kind of man, then that's the kind of man you meet over and over again.
However, if you dig into the patterns of your past relationships, then you'll find the clues to why love has been difficult for you so far.
Your "why" goes back to your own limiting beliefs, mental and emotional patterns, and behavioral strategies for giving and receiving love.
This understanding puts you in the driver’s seat to making the necessary changes to get a new result. You can't change something unless you're aware of it, so looking inward is where your solution lies.
People come into your life for a reason. Maybe you need to learn how to keep and set boundaries. Or realize that someone can’t love you more than you love yourself.
It’s part of your journey to know your own intrinsic value and not sacrifice your own needs in an attempt to earn love, approval, or acceptance.
Maybe you chase unavailable partners because you’re hard on yourself. So, take the time to discover patterns in your past relationships and begin the process of healing those wounds.
You can avoid feeling bitter about your journey to love when you're grateful for the challenges you’ve faced because they contributed to you becoming the person you are today.
5. Promise to love, honor, and cherish... yourself!
Ultimately, the love you're seeking is inside you. You don’t get love from another person. You share love with that person — the love you share comes from inside of you.
Make a commitment to treat yourself the way you wish to be treated by your beloved. If you want someone to accept you as you are, then practice compassion for yourself, even when you mess things up.
Say kind and loving things to yourself when you make a mistake. If you're a perfectionist, memorize the phrase, "It sure sucks not being perfect."
Focus on a solution rather than being critical of yourself.
Promising to love yourself means that you won’t abandon yourself. This means speaking up when it’s required and not allowing someone to treat you badly or disrespect you.
Cherishing yourself means focusing on the good in your life. Practice gratitude daily. Do things by yourself that you want to do when you are with your beloved.
How would you behave if you knew your soulmate was already here? Move through your day knowing that he is right around the corner and notice what’s different when you hold this mindset.
Make an effort to live a full life. Don’t put things off. Time isn’t standing still for you, it just keeps moving forward.
Create a full life of friends and activities you enjoy all while making the effort to meet new people.
Orna and Matthew Walters are soulmate coaches who've helped thousands of readers create soul-lasting love. Download a complimentary copy of their e-book, "Recognizing Mr. Right," along with a guided program on self-acceptance on their website.