7 Steps To Continue Dating Safely & Find Your Soulmate In The Time Of Coronavirus
How do you date while under quarantine?
Matthew Reyes/unsplash If the social distancing you’re practicing during the current crisis of the COVID-19 coronavirus pandemic has you feeling tired of being single, don’t despair!
There are still ways to connect, even while you're in quarantine and isolation. You may think that dating as we know it is over. However, that may not be a bad thing.
With stay-at-home orders being in place for an indeterminate amount of time, you can still cultivate connection and use this time to stop dating backwards and start developing the skills to finally connect with your soulmate.
Many dating apps are seeing a huge rise in active users, so the desire to connect is as strong as it’s ever been.
The truth is that most men have only been using online dating and apps to ask women out on dates for a short time now. If you’ve been wondering where all the good men are, there is no doubt that they are on an app.
However, with most bars and restaurants closed to dine-in customers, the postponement of most events, and the required social distance for safety purposes, it's getting more difficult to meet in person.
So, how do you use the tools available to you to get on the path to long-lasting love?
If you’re truly tired of being single and you want to share your life with your ideal partner, it’s time to apply new (but not really) dating advice into your search for love.
Once you learn how to use the online system to your advantage, you can cultivate discernment through the dating process.
Now is the time to revolutionize how you date by learning how to use the tools available to you through online and virtual connection tools.
With that said, here are 7 steps to continue dating safely so you can find your soulmate in the time of coronavirus.
1. Allow courtship back into your dating life.
Hookup culture is dead. Gone are the days of rushing to meet in person to see if there is any chemistry.
Now is the time to focus on slowly getting to know the other person and discovering who they are before rushing to get physical.
Truly, if there is a silver lining in all this, it’s that you’ll begin to appreciate taking things slowly and not rushing into exclusivity.
Getting to know someone takes time. You won’t know the end of the book until you read through the whole thing.
The desire to rush into exclusivity usually comes from a feeling that someone inspires in you, whether it’s excitement, infatuation, or physical attraction.
You want the feeling to last. You may feel afraid that you will lose this person and, therefore, lose your chance at love because love is that fleeting and fickle.
The idea that you would select a life partner based on a feeling is a fantasy. It’s a fantasy because feelings don’t last — not positive or negative feelings.
All feelings are by nature transitory. Since you can’t trust a feeling to last, it is unwise to select a life partner based on a feeling.
Choosing a person to spend your life with is something you do over time as you discover who he is and what he values.
Even if you’re tired of being single and ready for a relationship, it is best to take your time and choose wisely.
This sudden change in how people socialize gives you an opportunity to throw out bad dating habits and embrace a new approach to courtship.
2. Know the difference between dating and courting.
Courting is defined in the dictionary as, "to seek the affections of, especially to seek to win a pledge of marriage."
Meanwhile, dating is defined as, "to make a usually romantic social arrangement to meet with."
A person who is courting is looking to create a lasting partnership, while a person who is dating is looking to meet up romantically.
Just looking at these two terms and their meanings will show that if you want to create a lasting loving partnership with someone — whether or not a marriage is part of the equation — there must be a way for you to discern who is serious about wanting the same things you want and who out there is just looking for something easy and low maintenance.
It is extremely important that you identify the person early on in your interactions via some type of video chat either through the dating app you met on, FaceTime, or Skype before spending a lot of time in text message chitchat.
This, way you won’t waste time with someone who is not who they says they are.
There are some things you must know about how your mind works when you’re not meeting in person as you’re used to doing.
Your mind has a tendency to fill in the blanks when you have just a little tiny bit of information. It is easy to project your hopes and desires when you are only interacting virtually.
You must focus on not dating backwards, which is when you extend the benefit of the doubt to a stranger and end up putting your lovability in the hands of someone you don’t really know.
The only way for someone to take advantage of you is if you allow your hopes and dreams to cloud your vision, rather than seeing a person as they show up for you.
If you have a pattern of rushing to exclusivity because you are tired of being single, know that you are driven by those feel-good emotions. You will only to be disappointed after a few months when you realise they are not who you thought they were.
You may actually find that courting is a better way to go, rather than just casually dating.
Taking time to get to know someone through longer conversations can allow you to develop an emotional intimacy that doesn’t happen when you are meeting at a bar or restaurant.
Without the usual distractions, you can focus on deeper conversations.
This is a great opportunity to share more authentically how you feel and what you are looking forward to when the world opens back up.
Relax back into yourself and allow the other person to lead the pace and regularity of your conversations. There is no need to rush anything.
3. Get creative in how you spend time together.
Sitting at home in isolation and feeling tired of being single won’t get you any closer to your goal of finding an ideal match to share your life with.
With multiple options of how to "see" someone on your phone, computer, or tablet, you don’t have to let the fact that you can’t get together in person stop you from seeing what someone really looks like.
Setting up Skype dates, viewing live concerts on Zoom, watching a movie together on Netflix, or sharing a drink over a virtual happy hour are all creative ways you can connect while staying home.
If stay-at-home orders are not in place where you live, you can take things offline and meet in person.
Be cautious about physical closeness or physical contact. Go for a walk outside together and be careful to keep your distance. You’ll get a better sense of your attraction level for him.
Also, avoiding physical contact will allow you to continue to take things slowly.
4. Let the other person lead and discover their intentions.
If you’re a woman who dates men, it is imperative that you let the guy lead.
The key is to remember that you have veto power: Just because you’re letting him lead does not mean you have to follow.
Practice being responsive instead of proactive through the dating process.
This doesn’t mean that you can’t initiate contact with a man you’re interested in. It just means that after that initial connection, you lean back and let him drive things forward and set the pace.
Women who lead at the beginning of a relationship often end up wondering whether he is serious about having a long-term relationship. When you let a man lead, you never have to doubt his intentions.
Through this new virtual dating process, let the guy win you over. Let him work to have your time and attention.
This isn’t playing a game — it’s setting a high bar to see who is interested enough in you to reach it.
Men can also feel tired of being single and want emotional intimacy during this stressful time just as much as women.
However, you must discern between the guy who just wants things to be convenient versus the guy who will climb mountains for you. It’s the latter you’re looking for when deciding on a lifelong partner.
5. Allow dating to be a process.
When you jump into a relationship because you’re tired of being single and want some companionship, you end up wasting a lot of time on your journey to long-lasting love.
Since you can no longer rush to physical intimacy, take time getting to know several people at once. You don’t need to worry about rushing to exclusivity so that you can be physically intimate.
Date several people at once and use the time to get clearer on the type of relationship you are looking for.
Coaching singles around the globe for well over a decade has shown us that the biggest issue with dating is that people rush to exclusivity too quickly.
Eventually, when the feel-good chemicals wear off, there is not enough connection for the couple to make their way through the second stage of the relationship: The Power Struggle Stage.
Many women bond emotionally with a man after sex. The chemicals released during intimacy create an emotional bond that can cloud your judgment.
Since sex is off the table at the moment, you’ll have to develop an emotional bond in other ways besides sex.
The most powerful erogenous zone is the one between your ears. You’ll discover which men have the ability to create attraction in other ways besides their physical presence and appearance.
What you’ll ultimately discover is that the sooner you embrace switching from dating to courting, the faster you’ll find the person you can go through life’s challenges with.
6. Be curious.
Part of feeling tired of being single is having an old mental loop running through your mind telling you that dating is difficult. Instead of focusing on habitual thought patterns, get curious.
Get curious about yourself and your beliefs about love. Take time to introspect about what is important to you about having an intimate relationship.
Get curious about the men you are meeting. How are they handling the stress of confinement?
Notice your mental and emotional patterns that show up when you feel a strong attraction towards a guy, and how that’s different when you don’t have a strong attraction.
Are you able to be authentic and speak up for yourself when you think the guy is hot? Are you twisting yourself into a pretzel trying to win the hot guy’s approval?
Being curious about yourself and paying attention to your inner dialogue will give you deep insights into your patterns that have been blocking you from the lasting love you desire.
Oftentimes, people make snap judgments based on physical appearances and don’t take the time to get to know a new person before leaping in, heart first.
Be curious about yourself and about the people you are meeting. You may be surprised at what you discover.
7. Don’t invest too much until you’ve met in person.
Ultimately, nothing is real until you’ve met in person. You may find that attraction that develops over video chats and phone calls doesn’t translate into sexual attraction when you finally get together in person.
The skills and new habits you cultivate through following these time-tested dating strategies will pay off when this crisis is over.
Plus, every single person you meet knows someone you haven’t met yet. You may find that you have some new connections that lead you down a brand-new path.
So don’t rush. Take the time to get to know several people at once. When it is safer to meet in person, then you can decide if you want to take things further.
We are living in uncertain times. A global pandemic of this magnitude hasn’t come around for 100 years. It’s okay to want to hibernate, binge-watch TV, and read the stack of books by your bedside.
At some point, things will shift and this new way of living may get super boring.
Take a look at what’s important to you.
If sharing your life with someone you can count on is near the top of your wish list, you can take the steps outlined above so you can successfully and safely date for your soulmate even during this surreal time of being under quarantine.
Orna and Matthew Walters are soulmate coaches, soul partners, and the founders of Creating Love on Purpose. Their work has helped thousands of readers connect with what it takes to find a true soul partnership, and they can help you too. You can download a complimentary copy of their e-book, Recognizing Mr. Right on their website.