5 Ways To Boost Your Confidence When Dating & Looking For Love
Make sure you're really prepared to get out there.
getty Are you in search of any dating confidence tips you can find after taking a break from the scene? Maybe you don’t know how the rules have changed or maybe you're confused about what they were, to begin with. You might even feel intimidated by new technologies.
Ultimately, you just want to know how to gain confidence in dating so that you can show up fully and not be afraid of rejection.
The fear of rejection is the biggest concern that stops you from taking action and risking your heart. Love is always a risk, even in the healthiest of relationships.
Being open and vulnerable to another person is a gamble, but if you want to be loved for who you really are, you have to show up as who you really are.
Having healthy confidence and self-esteem will give you the assurance you need to take those risks.
But, what if you don’t feel very confident? It’s not like you can just flip a switch and suddenly you're self-assured and ready to tackle dating again.
Confidence grows from taking small actions regularly to ultimately create a larger change.
Build your confidence before you’re ready to date so you’ll have a better shot at finding lasting love. Don't give up before accomplishing your goal!
Here are 5 dating confidence tips that can help you find love.
1. Know yourself and what you want.
There's a lot of confidence in knowing yourself, being aware of what you like and what you don’t like, and knowing what makes you feel good and what causes you pain.
If you don’t know yourself and what you want, then how can you ever expect to find satisfaction?
This isn’t about being rigid. It’s about being clear and focused. When you have clarity on who you are and what you want, you won’t take it so personally when you meet someone that isn’t a good fit.
If you show up authentically and your date decides you two are not a match, they are doing you a favor. You don’t want to waste your time with someone who doesn’t get you or wants to win your heart.
Create the vision of your ideal relationship before you start dating or browsing dating apps for a match.
2. Ask for what you want.
It’s a truism that you’ll never get what you want if you don’t ask. It may feel uncomfortable to speak your truth, but it’s worth the effort.
Even if you don’t get what you want, you will discover that you recover faster and you can cultivate discernment through the dating process.
Do you believe that you deserve to get what you want? Fear of rejection and feeling undeserving are the top two reasons people don’t speak up and make a request.
You don’t have to justify your desires. You can ask for things you want simply because you would like them. No justification necessary.
If you would like your date to travel across town to pick you up rather than meeting in the middle, you could simply ask for that or anything else that floats your boat.
Having more self-confidence in dating is easy when you speak up and ask for what you want. You discover that most of the time, you get it.
3. Getting out of your own way.
Taking a new action can feel fearful, but that fear is ultimately a paper tiger because there's zero risk of physical danger.
An emotional fear can’t kill you. You won’t even break a nail asking for what you want. Facing an emotional fear and stepping through a new door will bring you a reward every single time.
This doesn’t mean you're guaranteed success. You may not get what you want, but you will be rewarded in some way, as well as develop the confidence that you can speak up and ask for things that you truly desire.
The more new and interesting actions you take, the more confident you will feel and the more comfortable in your own skin. Don’t take our word for it. Instead, run the experiment.
You don’t have to risk it all and jump into tackling a million new actions right away, unless you want to move things along quickly. Take it slower by choosing a few easy options to build your confidence one step at a time.
Don’t wait and wonder how to be more confident. Take actions now that scare you a little bit, and watch your confidence grow.
4. Learn something new.
Nothing builds confidence like learning something new. If you don’t feel confident with online dating, do some research on how to write an effective profile or how to take great pictures for your profile.
Feeling insecure about what to say on a first date? Investigate good questions to ask to get to know someone better.
Anytime you learn something new, your confidence grows and you feel better about yourself. Ask anyone who's mastered swing dance or learned public speaking — they’ll tell you how it changed their life and how much better they feel about themselves.
You will be more confident just by going through the process of learning a new skill. Just remember to be patient with yourself as you do.
You can decide to make mastering the dating process a new goal. That way, you’ll grow more confident as you embrace the learning progression.
5. Stop twisting yourself into a pretzel.
Nothing chips away at your confidence like needing someone else’s acceptance or approval.
Wanting someone to like you can cause you to try anything to win their and approval love. Eventually, it becomes exhausting because you can never relax and be your authentic self.
You will never feel good about yourself if you have to change in order to be loved. Notice how you feel when you are with someone you care about it.
Do you feel relaxed and comfortable? Or are you always on the edge, afraid you’ll do or say something wrong?
The people who truly love you do so because of who you are, not who you pretend to be. Stop worrying about what is pleasing to someone else and focus on showing up authentically and speaking your truth.
The more you relax and show your true self, the more confident you will feel about being you.
Confidence not only helps you risk your heart — it’s attractive to potential partners. Someone who knows who they are and what they want is magnetic.
Successful dating doesn’t require you to be the most confident person in the room. It doesn’t even require that you feel confident every day of the week.
Successful dating requires that you show up authentically and take a risk with your heart. When you're willing to take small risks, you build confidence over time to take on even bigger things.
RELATED: 6 Positive Affirmations To Keep You Optimistic About Dating
Orna and Matthew Walters are Soulmate Coaches who have been featured guest experts on Bravo’s "The Millionaire Matchmaker." They uncover subconscious blocks to love so that you can select an ideal partner to share your life with If you're looking to find your soulmate, download their free report, "7 Steps To Soulmating" from their website.