Not Getting What You Want By Doing What You Want?

Have you ever wondered why you don't have what you want in your life?

If you're answering, "That's easy! Not enough time or money" or almost any other answer, I'd ask you to reconsider.

I met a woman at the West Seattle Chamber of Commerce a while ago and asked "And what do you do?" She said, "Whatever I want to."

I loved it. I wonder how our lives would change if we could internalize that we do do whatever we want.

Ok, ok, so you don't want to maintain the car, drive to work at 7 A.M. or go shopping. But you do want the results: a smooth running car, a paycheck and a stocked kitchen. 

So you are doing what you want, but not getting what you want. It's so easy to focus on the frustrations and the "if onlys". Think of what you could create if every time you caught yourself thinking about what was missing or wrong, you turned it around.

If you notice an "I never have time to read" thought, how about adding "but I guess it's because I choose to watch TV, read to my kids, stay longer at work or hang out with friends). In other words, your choice.

You may argue with me if you are suffering from cancer, constant headaches or backaches, etc. I'm not foolish enough to say you will necessarily like all that you have in your life. But I am saying to deal with it in the most life-affirming way you can. If you are in pain every day, don't expect so much from yourself.

If your job requires a weekly 60-hour commitment, it will be easier to bear if you concentrate on the satisfaction, the overtime pay, comp time and/or the likelihood of advancement when the job is done. If your attention is stuck at how overextended you are and the only other option would be losing your job, you would probably feel better remembering how much closer you are to getting back on a better schedule. If 60 hours is your regular schedule, I hope you are getting enough benefits (and are happy with them) to justify the price you are paying.

Have you connected what you want with what you are willing to pay? If you want more clients, have you gone to networking groups like Business Network Int'l or your local Chamber of Commerce? Have you called Quick Information at the library for organizations that attract your potential clients? Have you joined Toastmasters or Rotary Club? How about googling or checking the Yellow Pages under Clubs or Associations? Have you checked out Puget Sound (or your own local) Business Journal?

Unless you are physically impaired, mentally challenged or emotionally disabled, you can expect to have whatever you are willing to commit to. Commitment means doing whatever it takes for however long it takes. You may need to build a support system while changing your habits and attitudes before you are meant to have what you deeply desire.

If your dream is to travel around the world, and you have no money, ask the question I heard from Mary Morrissey's Building Your Field of Dreams. "If you didn't believe it were impossible, what would you do?" In other words, if you thought it were possible, what actions would you take toward making it come true?

As long as we believe we can't have a vacation, a lover, a great career or a healthy body, no action will take place. Sorry, there's no magic. It's the old, tried and true "Take the first step and keep walking" (Don't think I have this down pat. I'm human, and I sometimes whine or goof off. Then I move on).

What is your dream? What makes you expand when you think of it? What brings forth that extra energy, curiosity and creativity? If you don't think you can create your dream alone, who will support you in it?

I wanted to write a book for years. I knew how much support I needed: daily contact. My friend Shay became my "belief partner" (Morrissey's term). She sent me an email every day, commenting on what she liked about the last day's essay. My book became Pleasures and Ponderings: From Nun to Nudist to Now.

In that book, I wrote about:

1) Why we don't honor our priorities

2) A mother's pride

3) My delight with leftovers

4) The joy of "yes!"

5) Internet euphoria

6) Am I a romance addict? etc.

I knew, based on how easily I am diverted by dozens of fascinating people, places, web sites, etc. that without someone's discipline — my book would stay in my head.

So what is your first step on that important-to-you goal?

Is it a phone call to the library or a friend or a coach? (Remember, I offer a complimentary 30-minuet coaching call. I love to stimulate discovery and focus on fulfillment). Is it saying "no" to some requests? Saying "yes" to your own agenda? Doing some research? Joining Mountaineers, a dance class or an investment club?

Brainstorm on paper. Write whatever thoughts or actions come up about your dream. Do that every day or every time you think of it. You may be amazed at how many options and possibilities have opened up. I've repeated for years what I heard on a tape: "The universe rearranges itself to accommodate your picture of reality."

You think it can't be done? Everything around you will confirm that. You believe it's possible? Doors will open, people will pass on relevant facts and your eyes will light on a pertinent book.

A case in point. I rent out six rooms in my 1910 home. A person I wanted to move in had mitigating circumstances and wasn't going to rent here. I so believed she belonged here that it didn't surprise me when a current roomer chose to move from his less expensive room to the other one that had been for rent. After I called the person I wanted to move in, she chose the cheaper room. 

I really believed she would move in and she did. I also believe I am lucky and I often win drawings and raffles — I am pleased but not surprised. It's the same principle Napoleon Hill, Dale Carnegie and Tony Robbins, among others, teach: What you believe and act on is drawn into your life. 

It doesn't mean anything if you say you want to date more women but don't take the actions. No one, including yourself, can take you seriously if you say you want an investment portfolio but you never open an account. You'll never get to Europe on wishes. You'll still weigh 250 pounds next month if you don't change your eating and exercise habits.

Often the missing piece is getting the support you need, as I did with Shay for writing my book. You don't need to feel bad about what you have or don't have now. Carpe diem — seize the day. Do it now.

Check out these books for support:

Jennifer White's Work Less, Make More; Thomas Leonard's The Portable Coach; John-Roger & Peter McWilliams' Do It; any books by Barbara Sher, from Wishcraft on. Go to the self-help section of your library or bookstore and find a book or a program that speak to you.

Anything is possible if you believe it, act on it and are willing to commit to whatever it takes to be it, do it and have it.

I will offer daily email or phone coaching and cheerleading for two weeks to the first five people who email moreah@comcast.net or call 206-938-8385 and ask for that support.

What do you want? Take the first step! Do it now!