Foreplay, Sexual And Otherwise

In our society, foreplay is commonly thought of as certain sexual acts that come before the act of intercourse itself, like oral sex, manual stimulation and kissing. Traditionally we have come to think of foreplay as a series of acts, of the intimate kind, both psychological and physical between two people, specifically meant to increase sexual arousal, that lead into the sex act itself and ultimately leading to climax. "In human sexual behavior, foreplay is meant to create and increase sexual arousal, in anticipation of sexual intercourse," From Wikipedia...

I would like to challenge this concept of foreplay for just a few minutes. I'd like to suggest that things like kissing, oral sex, manual stimulation are actually a part of sexual interaction, sex and sexual foreplay and turn your attention to another type of foreplay. I will call it intimate foreplay and it is made up of all the sweet, sexy, romantic, loving things throughout our days, our weeks and our relationships that make us passionate and loving towards our partners on a regular basis. I would like to suggest another idea that foreplay starts from the minute you wake up and continues on throughout the day, week, month etc.. culminating sometimes in sex and continuing to build and grow even after the sex act is over, or even if sex does not happen.

Wikipedia continues to say that foreplay is..."Any act that creates and enhances sexual stimulation between the sex partners may constitute foreplay, including kissing, touching, embracing, talking, and teasing (teasing, in this case, may include methods of satisfaction, such as erotic sexual denial). The manual or oral stimulation of erogenous zones may be considered foreplay, as well as being part of the sex act itself. Sexual role playing, fetish activities, and BDSM can also be considered foreplay, though they may also accompany intercourse and not just precede it."

Generally speaking Wikipedia and most people think of and describe foreplay as the specific acts which precede sex to which I would like to add that the aforementioned gestures they mention such as touching, embracing, talking teasing, kissing, plus the gestures I'd like to add flirting, talking dirty, talking sexy should be used not only during traditional foreplay but continuously throughout the day, your week and your relationship. Ideally if woven into not just the sexual side of your relationship but into the life of your relationship as a whole, it will help to create an ongoing atmosphere of kindness, intimacy, romance and make being sexual part of your relationship.

Too often, I hear couples complaining that their sex life has lost it's luster. If we change our concept about sex, sexuality, foreplay, intercourse and orgasm then we are more likely to have more satisfaction in these areas. In other words incorporating all those sexy things that you do right before sex, into your daily world in some subtle manner, into your daily relationship with your partner if you want to see your relationship stay sexy, stay warm, stay intriguing, and mysterious, whatever it requires for you to stay attracted to and sexual with your partner.

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Those warm (or dirty) words spoken to each other as he is getting ready to go to work, is what the two of you will remember all day. Just because you have to rush off, feed the kids and take them to school and he is late for his board meeting and because there is absolutely no time for sex until date night on Saturday night does not mean your day today and every day cannot be lightly and gently infused with tiny visions of feathers and lingerie, or leather and whips if that is what you like.

Here is how. Small communications that let each other know how much you care, and also how much you desire them can do wonders, not to mention bring a smile to their face, butterflies to the stomach, a tingle to the spine and yes, maybe even to down there. Leaving little post it notes that he/she can read when you are not around, voice mails, emails, text messages with  romantic, loving, appreciative, sexy or even dirty words and phrases can let a warm glow into someone's stressful or even humdrum day and leave them eager to arrive home to see you. No, it might not lead to sex tonight, nor tomorrow night, and maybe not even this weekend, because I know you all lead busy lives, but that is not the point. It will cause you to think about your partner more, it is likely to prevent your heart and mind from swaying or wandering when you two are busy with projects outside the home, it might actually make you miss your partner which, believe it or not can do wonders for your relationship. Couples who actually spend less time together, have a chance to miss each other, are less likely to get on each other's nerves and are more likely to stay together. And, besides, they say the best way to catch a bee is with honey, so, why not try a little sugar to catch your honey?

Body language is important in foreplay too. A smile, a wink, a gentle touch on the arm, a lick of the lips even when you are in a hurry to get to your meeting shows you care and leaves an imprint, a fond imprint that can not only lead to increased desire and arousal, but can also shield you two from the days when the rest of the world may bring you down. Being sexy, fliratious, playful and dirty even when you are not about to have sex is the key to keeping your relationship sexy.

I like to think that these are all a part of foreplay, and the actual physical things like kissing, touching, and oral sex which can actually increase the temperature and speed of your heartbeat, lead to arousal and ultimately sex and orgasm are just the icing on the cake. All of it, inclusive, can also increase the passion and warmth between you and your mate leading to a more fulling and satisfying relationship all around.