11 Painful Signs It's Time To Seek Outside Help In The Love Department
If you're starting to hate your single staus, here's what you need to do.
webphotographeer | Canva Sometimes, we are our own worst enemies. This happens to everyone for all kinds of reasons.
It happens to people who put themselves out there in the dating world and try to find true love—especially when they want something so badly and don’t know how to get it.
Those moments you ask yourself, "Will I ever find love?" are the times when hiring a dating coach can turn your aforementioned worst enemy into your best friend.
If you’ve been single for some time, you’ve probably been on the receiving end of people asking why.
The question might come at you buried in a compliment about how wonderful you are, but it stings no matter how they sugar-coat it.
While you may have several practical reasons for being single — a demanding career, caregiving for a child or parent, recently making a big move, etc. — it may be time to dig deeper and find out if there are other reasons you're still single that you may not have considered.
You may hold limiting beliefs about dating that are holding you back.
An underlying fear of rejection, loss of independence, or inherent unworthiness can prevent you from finding that special person and achieving the dream of coupled happiness you seek in a serious, long-term relationship.
For marriage-minded people, one of the benefits working with a dating coach brings to your search for true love is the ability to clarify your wants and beliefs.
What do you believe about yourself? What do you think about men and women? What do you feel about relationships, especially regarding marriage?
If you’re unconsciously protecting yourself from rejection or potential heartache, you may be self-sabotaging your dating life. If that’s the case, perhaps it’s time to get up close and personal with your underlying fear.
Here are a few examples of ways you may be self-sabotaging your love life:
- Not making time for dating
- Rejecting good potential candidates too early
- Hibernating at home instead of getting out to meet people
- Being closed off in social settings makes it difficult for someone to get to know you
- Do you keep your intentions private from family and friends so they can help you in your search?
If you know, deep down inside, that you’re the one holding you back in your dating life, it’s time to call for help.
There’s nothing to be ashamed of; people undermine their own opportunities in all areas of life all the time.
They don’t mean to. They just don’t realize how tightly fear has a grip on them.
Here are 11 painful signs it's time to seek outside help in the love department:
1. You’re afraid of rejection.
Either because you have experienced it before, or you never want to experience it. The idea of hearing ‘no’ or being passed over for someone else is just too painful to consider.
A dating coach can help you put “rejection” into a healthy frame of mind so that you see it as something that’s not about you. It’s simply part of the process of everyone trying to find what s/he wants and needs in a relationship.
2. You're afraid of vulnerability.
Being vulnerable may seem very unnatural to you. Perhaps it makes you feel “one down” compared to the person you’re vulnerable to.
The idea of vulnerability makes you afraid of losing all your power in a relationship. Perhaps you’re afraid it will make you unlovable.
No matter why you fear it, vulnerability just seems too risky.
A dating coach can help you uncover your most dateable vulnerabilities and help you attractively express them.
3. You're afraid of losing your independence.
Going from independent to interdependent can be an amazing evolution in life. But there’s always the hidden risk of dependence or co-dependence blocking the way. And that can be really scary.
A dating coach can help you sift through all your dating experiences so you can recognize which are authentic and worth your time, trust, and love.
4. You have a busy, demanding career.
It’s no secret that relationships affect careers and vice versa.
If your job makes you wonder how you can carve out time for dating, let alone a relationship, you might need some help from a life coach who can help you figure out your priorities.
If you travel for work or have a lot of after-hours responsibility, time-management strategies may be in order.
Hiring a dating coach can help you strategize the best use of your time so you can achieve work-life balance.
One of my clients, a woman in her late 30s who had a goal of getting married and having a family decided not to take a job that required travel.
She said it was because of our coaching that she made that decision. She wanted to be more available for dating since that was her number one priority.
5. Your social skills aren’t so ... sociable.
Not everyone is a life-of-the-party-type extrovert. Some people are shy, introverted, or simply uncomfortable being themselves in front of others.
Pexels / Darina Belonogova
Because a dating coach is focused on your goals, needs, and personality, they will help you develop your confidence for being your best self and to feel more comfortable in a variety of social settings.
To help you focus on what you do have to offer to a relationship instead of what you don’t, is one of the exercised we do with our clients in during coaching.
6. You resist opportunities to find love.
This is when you can actually be your own worst enemy. If you avoid opportunities or make yourself unavailable for dating options, perhaps you are self-sabotaging.
Why do people self-sabotage in relationships? Based on one study, some of the reasons could be low self-esteem, fear of getting hurt, and an insecure attachment style.
You turn down opportunities to meet someone with whom your friend wants to set you up. Again, it’s worth delving into the fear that might be underlying your attitudes toward dating.
7. You're ambivalent.
Perhaps you give off mixed signals to your dates. They can’t tell if you are into him/her or aren’t interested.
If you’re marriage-minded, you may feel very uncomfortable sharing that with a date. After all, that’s really putting it out there! And many people are afraid to show their true intentions. They don’t want to scare someone away.
A dating coach can help you express your goals and intentions without sending the wrong message or making either you or your date uncomfortable. And my belief is if someone scares away, they aren’t really ready for a serious relationship.
8. You’ve been out of the dating scene for a long time.
Perhaps you were married for a long time, or you were in a long-term relationship that recently ended.
Perhaps you’ve had other priorities that have made dating undesirable or impossible. Heavy travel for work, caregiving for a family member, working on your advanced education — a lot of factors can push dating down on the list of priorities.
No matter why you’ve been out of the dating scene, you’ll want to know how to set yourself up to succeed in the modern dating world.
A dating coach can help shorten your learning curve and avoid those typical mistakes newbies make.
9. You haven’t had luck with online dating.
In today’s dating world, online dating is just part of the game. You may not meet your forever love online, but you might. And how you present yourself in your profile and correspondence will greatly influence your chances.
A dating coach knows the ins and outs of online dating — what to look for, what to avoid, what to share, and what to withhold. They can help you navigate the whole online dating experience with confidence and street-smarts.
Now with one-third of all marriages coming from online dating, research tell us. It’s a must-do if you are seriously searching for true love and needs to be a part of your overall dating plan.
10. You don’t know where to meet people.
A dating coach is dedicated to learning about your personality and particular relationship needs.
That means knowing the best places to recommend for someone with your specific personality and strengths to meet quality people.
Trust me, there is so much more to dating than hanging out in bars!
11. You are open to personal growth and self-learning.
A dating coach is committed to more than just filling your dance card. They want you to learn how to be your best self and express yourself fully so you can grow as an individual, and eventually, as a couple.
If you’re open to growth, a dating coach can be the perfect partner for boosting your self-esteem. They can also help shine a light on all that makes you so awesome and help you improve where it’s beneficial to you.
If you’re marriage-minded, finding true love can’t be left to chance.
Like anything else important in life, it takes fearless self-awareness and a good plan.
Recognizing when it’s time to hire a dating coach can be one of the biggest steps toward success in your dating life. Like in anything in life, making an investment in yourself is investing in your future happiness, and you can’t put a price on that.
So let me ask you — are you ready to get serious about finding love?
Amy Schoen is a D.C.-based national expert in dating and relationship coaching who's helped countless couples find love.